Friday, June 03, 2011

Lotte Mullan: Blogger or Blagger?

It was recently reported in newspapers across the UK that a 26-year-old wannabe pop star turned vengeful blogger has won a book publishing and film deal that could net her personally more than £1 million. TheBigRetort investigates Lotte Mullan: Blogger or Blagger?

Lotte Mullan was recently catapulted to national fame with the news that, whilst working three days a week for Warner Bros Records, she wrote a series of seething blog entries that threaten to lift the lid on the industry’s wrongdoings.

Mullan paints a negative picture of the people with whom she came into contact.

Sweaty 'hugs'  in the form of tit lunges by lecherous music execs lie amongst some of the claims. (Always go for their butts in our office.) 

Failing to recognise her own vocal and musical talents, these powerful victims fall prey to her vengeful fingertips.

The story is to be published via a top London literary agent and is also to be made into a comedy feature film.

Lotte Mullan’s musings are said to have caught the attention of literary agent Julian Alexander of the Law agency. Jules apparently read the blogs, loved what he saw, and then quickly ‘signed’ the fledgling author - thereby catapulting her to Sex in the Ditty fame.

Curiously the company’s website does not list Mullan amongst its stable of writers.  (Odd that.)

However, producer/writer Nick Moorcroft (St Trinian’s 1 & 2, Burke & Hare fame) described the forthcoming comedy drama as 'The Devil Wears Prada' meets 'Bridget Jones Diary' set in the British and American music industry. With both the book and film scheduled for release in 2012,

Or so it is claimed..

TheBigRetort asks ('cos no-one else has?), is it more blag than blog?


A film usually begins with that idea that begat the treatment that begat the screenplay that begat... Well, it’s like attempting to follow those family trees in Genesis (the Old Testament not the pop group), it’s a very, very, very long process. At the end of which, if the Red Sea finally parts, fame and fortune usually awaits.

Only it's the real world, and it is not always like that.

So we asked Mullan a series of questions, the answers to which may have assisted us greatly in clearing up some of those notes that were slightly, erm, off key.

The questions we put to Ms Mullan, a known serial self-publicist:

What dates were you at the organisations the blog is about. Where were you living at this time. (We wanted to publish a photo.) What period are the blog dates covering. Who is publishing the book, and what is the publication date. Who is producing and directing the film, starring in it, and what is its budget/release date.

Additionally, no background details could be found in the name "Lotte Mullan". We wondered if this was a stage name.

Unfortunately, having forwarded promotional material for her forthcoming tour (which we did not ask for?) Mullan - a self-publicist if ever - seemed remarkably shy in providing the answers. (She was born Lotte Allerhand in Norwich in 1984. "Mullan" is her mother‘s maiden surname.)

We received this curious, some might say rather telling and evasive, response: "I’ve given an exclusive to a publication with all these details so I’m not able to answer those for you just yet."

It was, amongst other things, the film's release date that we found curious actually ... that and the remarkable lack of information on the book and film 'deal' itself. This is what makes Mullan’s ‘rage‘-to-riches deal so, dare we say it, well, unconvincing. (There, said it.)


However, preproduction on some films can take from 3-6 months. This is then followed by filming which can take 2 months (for a quickie) or more depending on locations, etc. So, it’s a wrap!

Well, not quite...The post production phase commences, and the editing and scoring can take longer than the film itself, six months of spit and polish actually. 2012 seemed rather over-optimistic for the film's release... a fact that was not picked up by other reporters, who simply ran with the lines Lotte and her agent fed.

But… cut! cut! cut! There isn’t even a screenplay yet just a series of blog entries? As the esteemed former BBC producer Tony Dennis might attest (he of Band of Gold fame, etc), the endless rewrites of a screenplay can take much longer. If the project is given the green light - and that’s a big Hollywood -‘IF‘- drafts of Mullan's blog may take some spit and polish before morphing into a fully-fledged feature.

The guitar may need a bit of fine tuning...  but was the novel/movie truly ‘firmed up’ - before it was fed to the national media? Or does Lotte, no stranger to publicity - her own - simply need some free air time for any forthcoming gigs? (She's moved on from schools now.) If so, and neither book nor film transpires, then Mullan really blagged the nationals. No doubt she will go on to charm those sell-out audiences.

And that is worth a lotta-lotta millions in our book.

[Editor's note. Lotte Mullan is soon to go on tour... we feel sure she'll tell you where and when.]

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