THE BIG RETORT

Harry Bensley: 'boy' accompanied Iron Mask - named

2012-01-04T14:55:00.004Z

The year was 1908. A Remarkable Wager. A man wearing an iron mask... Pushing a pram full of postcard photographs... Must find a wife along the way... Visit three towns in each county of England... Make his way around the world visiting each country and city on the list... And it would take 6-8 years... But the person who did it would win the princely sum of $100,000 An astonishing tale…. IF TRUE.

Following our findings into Harry Bensley, the legend who trekked through Edwardian England in order to complete an 8-year trek around the world ‘for a wager‘, we now present the identity of the young man who accompanied ‘Iron Mask’ on his remarkable journey.

His name was... William German.

According to the Western Times article we uncovered (18 April 1908), it was it was four months after the commencement of the trek that William German of Holsworthy rendezvoused with a man wearing an iron mask. It states:

“Master Wm. German, the son of Mr and Mrs S German, of Trewyn, left Holsworthy this morning with a horse and a new set of harness on route for Barnstaple, to join the man with the iron mask, who has decided to have a living van (sic) accompany him, with Master German as driver. A large crowd of children assembled to see young German off, everyone wishing him good luck and a pleasant journey round the world.”

The plan was to walk around the world, pushing a perambulator, living off the sales of postcards which recorded the event.

Young William German joined Harry Bensley six months before his 17^th birthday, it must have seemed like a daring adventure. How long he may have lasted on that 8-year trip before discovering it was a scam is currently unknown

Coming soon… the Harry Bensley Hoax Admission

Ciroc Vodka, Next Model Sponsorship, and the Mystery Hedge Funder

2011-12-20T14:52:00.003Z

We recently highlighted the ‘banker’ who splashed out £71,000 on a drinks binge at a top London nightclub in one single evening - and with just nine money-making wannabees. Now, in our follow up exclusive, TheBigRetort uncaps the bottle. At the bottom of the glass we discover a 'sponsored' jolly for a top model agency and a publicity stunt gone awry. Our report pours ice on a little-known drink someone has styled 'Methuselah'...

What do a bunch of party-going models and a drinks firm have in common? Answer: A give-it-large hedge fund owner with more money than sense.

To recap... It took place just off Oxford Street. In a club called The Rose. You may recall that this is the place (if you've got no soul) that was recently promoted by its gloating owners as the wannabe hangout of the embarrassingly wealthy.

And boy do we mean e-m-b-a-r-r-a-s-s-i-n-g.

The Rose has a thorn after all...

It recently made the Evening Standard and the Daily Mail and other 'tabs' when it was claimed by its owners--strange uh?--that one wealthy patron, himself the owner of a hedge-fund firm, blew a small fortune on drinks for his young all-male staff - a paltry £71K for ten, what a Scrooge!!

According to the club's owners, the man who caused all the fuss wished to remain anonymous. (So why draw attention to yourself by throwing £50 notes around the club 'like confetti' then?) However, ironically, and somewhat contradictorily, the club's publicity-seeking owners appear not to have understood that the announcement would garner some negative publicity.

Various blogs commented on the 'disgusting' behaviour of the individual concerned.

A witch hunt was recommenced against yet another 'banker' drunk on his plunder. (But he wasn't a banker. He was the owner of a hedge fund firm.) Or so it was claimed...

The Rose Club promoters also presented a copy of what they insist was the 'check'; presumably to firm up the story for the (unsuspecting?) reporter who filed it.

Remarkably it revealed that the waitress got extremely lucky that night.

She received a £10,000 tip!

The club owners' claimed that ‘Margaux’ on the bill was not in fact 'a real name'. But since our last post (in which we outed waitress ‘Margaux Nina’) she has posted a copy of the bill confirming the tip.

So that’s that then?

Well, not quite… don't forget the models.

Next Models London celebrated what was the end of 'an amazing year' with an "exclusive" party for its models, clients and friends at The Rose.
According to its Facebook page, Next Models Management also reveals that the event at the Rose Club, which took place when the hedge funder was also there, was sponsored by... wait for it, “CIROC vodka.”

But, what' oh what is this: £44,400 was charged to the hedge funder's bill for a drink recorded as “Ciroc Methuselah“. A drink that we could not find listed anywhere else other than on the club's 'check'.Odd that.

So, why would an extremely rich hedge-fund owner, who wishes to remain (partly) anonymous, invite negative publicity by spending £44,400 for a drink that was sponsored--presumably gratis--by the drinks manufacturer?

Strange behaviour for a news-shy multi-millionaire who did not wish to be named?

Or was it we ask a publicity s-t-u-n-t.

If so, hoodwinking the unsuspecting public is not a very good way to develop trust around a brand.

COMING SOON... ANOTHER SHOT OF VODKA

Man charged with lift fire murder

2011-12-19T09:21:00.000Z

Jerome Isaac, 47, has been charged with murder and arson following the death of Deloris Gillespie, 73.

The victim was set alight after being sprayed with a flammable liquid when her lift stopped on the fifth floor of her apartment block.

The incident was captured on CCTV together with images of her attacker dressed as a pest controller who was seen entering the lift in Brooklyn, New York.

The video went white as the woman was set on fire.

Dorinda Thomas, 56, told the New York Post. "She was a wonderful lady, you understand."

Breaking News... Boris bus motorway breakdown

2011-12-19T09:06:00.000Z

Following the much-publicised introduction of the new Routemaster bus, reports just in... Boris Johnson’s new bus, named the “Son of Routemaster”, has broken down on a motorway just south of Luton.

The new Routemaster took the unscheduled stop leaving its driver looking forlorn.

The Routemaster, which has its hazard lights flashing, is flanked by police in a lay-by.

Rose Club Big Tip Waitress Unmasked

2011-12-18T13:54:00.000Z

In our last Retort, we reported on the City hedge fund banker who received national publicity when it was revealed that he blew £71,000 on a single night out for ten in a London nightclub. Added to the largess he left a tip for one lucky young lady... of £10,000. TheBigRetort exclusive...

Since we ‘outed’ the lucky 'Rose Club' waitress at our last retort the recipient of the windfall has now posted a photograph of the receipt - showing a tip made out to her to the value of ten thousand pounds. Yes - TEN THOUSAND!

Who's the lucky girl, then?

TheBigRetort can now reveal that she is none other than "Margaux Nina".

Or at least this is the name under which she currently Tweets. "Wooooooop ahahahaha !!! ;-) watch out…" Ms Nina wrote in one tweet following the enormous tip. She even thanks the London Evening Standard, presumably for reporting on the tip?

Woooooop ahahahaha indeed.

BORIS BUS IS IN

2011-12-16T09:19:00.002Z

The new alternative to the hated Bendy-Bus was seen on London streets today as LBC's Nick Ferrari, and former MP Michael Portillo put two very large bums on seats.

Their verdict: a big thumbs up for Mayor Johnson's "Boris Bummer.".

The old Bendies never did find much popularity (except amongst fare dodgers) and if Ferrari and others are to be believed, the Boris Bummer is likely to bring in the punters due to its lighting and sleek glass design, which also manages to retain the heritage of the old much-loved Routemaster.

Will is be a success amongst the travelling public?

Fares ladies and gents, please.

The Rose Club Tipper

2011-12-14T12:52:00.000Z

When newspapers recently reported the largesse of a mysterious hedge fund manager who is said to have frequented a London club where he spent £71,000 on a single evening out - TheBigRetort couldn't resist querying the bill...

The Evening Standard, together with the Mail and various additional newspapers of note recently carried a feature on the 13^th December that came in for a lot of scrutiny by we poor due to the amount of money that is said to have been spent, in a single evening, and by just one rich individual at a club styled 'The Rose'; and which (significantly) recently opened off Oxford Street.

On Thursday evening into the Friday morning the club is said to have played host to a big-spending banker and his cohorts - with more money than it seem sensitivity in what are arguably straightened times, for the many at least.

But is all as it seems in this remarkable story of riches to riches?

Apparently this right ‘banker’ (call him what you will) allegedly splashed out that night like there were no tomorrows, or even mornings after for that matter. The Bachanalian soiree he threw for his grateful staff is said to have included a £10,000 tip to a lucky waitress, apparently hiding behind the nome de bottle “Margaux“. (More on which later.)

But readers can rest safe in the knowledge that this may be nothing more than a marketing campaign, a fiction, a leg-pull - with the sole aim of promoting what is ostensibly a new venue: The Rose Club.

In fact the questions the mainstream press should have asked--do they ever--is what was the name of this big spender, the real name of the lucky waitress who served this party, and why certain things on the bill do not, how shall we put it, tally? For instance, the receipt records a cover charge for ‘fifteen‘ guests and not ten. (Perhaps the group had additional ‘friends’ and the hedge funder and his team did not want their presence known. I wonder why?)

The Rose Club was founded by entrepreneurs Piers Adams and Nick House, who are no strangers to courting publicity for their various ventures surely. However, if the claim of a big-spending banker is to be believed, and it has been accepted as Gospel by many, the pair prove themselves to be maestros of publicity when it comes to new club openings.

Be that as it may....

Messieurs House and Adams claim the following was spent by the hedge fund individual that they did not name, and amongst his (just) nine guests (fifteen on the cover charge sittings note):

£44,400.00 on Ciroc Methuselah, Dom Perignon Rose Magnum £7,2000.00, Wahiki Coconut £1,120.00. Together with additional items and service charge £7,965.60 and a £10k tip to waitress ‘Marguax) (Apparently not her real name) the grand total was £71,000.60. Or the price of a garage in some parts of London.

But don’t be resentful…

A little birdy informs that this bill will fall under the scrutiny of Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs because it contains the VAT number 107717911.

This number is registered to a company styled BLAYSET LTD and which was incorporated in December 2010. Blayset is yet to file accounts and the nature of its business is not supplied, but when it is HMRC would expect to see it ticking over quite nicely.

According to HMRC, the club, or Blayset, would have to register for VAT if its taxable sales were likely to be above the current VAT threshold. At the prices charged and achieved at the club this seems likely. The company will then have to apply VAT at the standard rate of 20% on the items it sells - such as food and drink - and the services it provides - this is known as 'output tax'. The company would then be able to reclaim any VAT it pays on purchases such as Dom Perignon - this is known as 'input tax'.”

The club’s owners will have to therefore send off to HMRC the difference between:

all the output tax it has charged
all the input tax is has paid on purchases

And the interest doesn’t end there...

What about tips? Well, that brings us to the elusive "Margaux". The Inland Revenue takes a keen interest in tips, nevermore so than in a venue where high rollers drop fifty pound notes like confetti. The Tax Man is waiting to wash his boots in bubbly and will seek his cut from ‘service charge‘ (a tip or gratuity surely) and Marguax‘s £10k windfall, sadly.

According to Twitter, “Margaux” is actually the name of a waitress at the club. Remarkably though she makes no mention of such a thrifty group at the club that night, or the £10,000 tip the “Margaux“ on the receipt is said to have received.

In one Tweet she distances herself from the owners' claim by posting:
"Love my life , love my job, love my BF !!! What else ?? Nothing !! Amazing !! Hapiness (sic) thank (sic) to @TheRoseClub."

Nothing? Perhaps she is right.

[News just in... this was the same night as the Next Models' Christmas Party. See..http://blog.nextmodels.com/?p=4710]

Kepler 22b renamed: "Keptoo-toobe"

2011-12-06T14:45:00.001Z

It was back in June 2010. The Kepler space telescope discovered over 750 extrasolar-planets culled from data that it had collected in its first 43 days of observations of the cosmos. Marked "candidates" - since then astronomers have gone on to confirm hundreds of planets orbiting alien suns light years beyond our own little solar system. But one planet alone has drawn the most excitement. We name it “Keptoo-toobe”.

The recent discovery by astronomers of an extra-solar planet designated Kepler 22b comes just one year after a treasure trove of stars was unveiled by the space telescope Kepler at NASA.

“This is the biggest release of candidate planets that has ever happened,” said scientist William Borucki at that time.

NASA expected only 50% of these so-called alien candidates to actually turn out to be real planets.

Kepler 22b, almost two and a half times the size of the Earth, has not only been confirmed as a real planet after moving through its third rotation around its parent star, it is also the most interesting, the crown jewel of planet hunting.

”Fortune smiled upon us with the detection of this planet," declared NASA scientist Dr Borucki. "The first transit was captured just three days after we declared the spacecraft operationally ready. We witnessed the defining third transit over the 2010 holiday season.”

But why was this the most ‘phenomenal discovery in the course of human history’ - ever - kept from the world for 18 months?

Did the Vatican have something to do with it?

Will world religions fall?

After all the newly discovered Earth has been around long before God uttered the words that his chosen species would record in a book and pass down through the millenia: 'Let There Be Light.’

So that would have the Church in a right flap, right?

The Kepler team came under fire by others in the science community last year for keeping 400 candidate exoplanets to themselves for later confirmation by other telescopes used by the same team. To confirm a ‘candidate’ three transit observations were required of the target star.

But if this was the ‘defining’ third transit, why was its discovery only mentioned… now?

Could the “2010” third transit be a reporting error? Or could there be another reason why NASA was slow to reveal to the world that this new world had been discovered?

That said, it would be very interesting to see a maths wiz work out the date of the first sighting, and the date of the second, which would give us the exact date of the ‘third event’.

So what has NASA been doing since that date?

NASA was stumped for a new name having tried a number of them - ’Earth Two‘ - nah. ’Vulcan’ - forget it! 'Borucki?' - y’know the way it goes at NASA it's all up in the air…

And that is the reason why we have rushed to name the planet Keptoo-toobe.

Get it?'

　

　

People Before Profit

2011-12-05T12:36:00.001Z

George Hallam, an economist at Greenwich University, has been nominated as the London People Before Profit candidate in the forthcoming bye-election in Feltham and Heston. But can he do it?

The challenge by Mr Hallam follows the death of MP Alan Keen (Labour), who passed away this November aged seventy-three. Mr Keen had been ill with cancer for some time.

The London People Before Profit movement grew out of what was the former Lewisham People Before Profit (LPBP).

People Before Profit was set up, not by politicians, but by community campaigners in South London who were angry about Government and political leaders who simply put the interests of Big Business before community need.

The London People Before Profit Party brings together a broad group of people of varying political backgrounds who are united under one banner, the People‘s banner: Community Need Before Private Greed.

Such was the rush to meet the qualifying deadline for the bye-election that the London People Before Profit emblem was overlooked and so will not appear on the ballot paper.

However, as London People Before Profit spreads its message across the London boroughs, the choice of Hallam as its candidate looks set to cause election upset.

At Feltham and Heston, George Hallam will represent the only political party to support the 2 million public-sector workers on strike this week.

Simply known as ‘the candidate from nowhere’ Hallam is now gaining much ground, aided with the backing of local union branches and, due to a lack of coverage by the national media, via public engagement on blogs, Twitter and Email, together with Facebook. The message is clear: Hallam is the people’s choice.

But can George do it?

The bold move by Lewisham People Before Profit gives some Hounslow voters the chance to choose a candidate for London who may soon answer that question.

POLICE HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT

2011-12-02T12:00:00.001Z

On the 12^th October 2011, the Metropolitan Police Service (MPS) set up a perimeter around a leafy southeast London street. Residents were prevented from entering their properties, and police officers refused to comment. A telephone call to police later established that if the nature of the incident was made public it may, in the emotive parlance of the fuzz, 'cause panic'. The following is the result of one man’s painstaking attempts to bring the police to book. But be warned… it may tax all but the legally-minded.

The Metropolitan Police Service (MPS) has completed its review and has decided to uphold the use of section 30(1) (a)(i)(ii) investigations and proceedings conducted by public authorities and section 40(2) personal information.

Please see the legal annex for the sections of the Act that are referred to in this letter.

REASON FOR DECISION

The review takes note of your comment in your original request 'I must also add that I feel the Freedom of Information Act was not designed to keep information out of the public domain which may assist members of the public to assist the police, and to allay any fears.' In this respect I thought that it might assist you if I outline the statutory requirement set out by the Freedom of Information Act, 2000 (FoIA), within which a request for information can be answered. Under Section 1(1) of FoIA any person making a request for information to a public authority is entitled, subject to other provisions of the Act, (a) to be informed in writing by the public authority whether it holds the information requested, and (b) if so, to have that information communicated to him. The review is guided by the Association of Chief Police Officers (ACPO) manual on the Act which advises 'there will be occasions when to do either of these things will be in contravention of legislation. The main reason for not complying with section 1(1) of the Act is that some kind of prejudice would occur. This is labelled by the Police Service as 'harm' and although no such definition exists within the Act, this is the beginning of the process that will determine whether an exemption could apply. In the policing context harm is defined as: the undesired consequence of the disclosure of information which will or could lead to the physical or mental harm of a person, damage to property, loss of public confidence or a reduction in the effective provision of public service delivery.'

In this case the review is aware that the MPS has confirmed information pertaining to your request is held and in addition you have been advised the nature of that incident. However, any further details have been exempted by virtue of section 40(2) relating to personal information of third parties and section 30(1)(a)(i)(ii) relating to investigations and proceedings conducted by a public authority

Blackstone's Guide (Third edition) to FoIA states 'In common with all freedom of information legislation, the Freedom of Information Act 2000 contains a number of provisions defining particular types of information which public authorities are not obliged to disclose... such exemptions exist because the public interest dictates that certain information should not be available to the public. It will, for example, generally be undesirable for significant threats to... personal privacy to arise as a result of disclosures made under the freedom of information legislation.'

Whilst the MPS were satisfied that the nature of the incident could be disclosed to you under FoIA it should be borne in mind that requests under the Act are not private transactions. Both the request itself, and any information disclosed, are considered suitable for open publication. This is because, under FoIA, any information disclosed is released into the wider public domain, effectively to the world, not just to one individual. As such, the Metropolitan Police Service is committed to providing its responses to requests for information on its Publication Scheme as a Category of Information. The link to the MPS FoIA Disclosure Log can be found here: http://www.met.police.uk/foi/disclosure/disclosure_log.htm

I have therefore considered your original request for the MPS to disclose 'I would like to know what was claimed by this hoaxer and I would also like to know if this has happened in the past' within the provisions set out by the Act and uphold the original decision by Lisa Rogers to engage section 30(1) (a) (i) (ii) investigations and proceedings conducted by a public authority and section 40(2) personal information which I find to be robust in this case. I will therefore not re-iterate the reasons already provided to you but hope to explain why in this case the MPS has engaged sections 30(1)(a)(i)(ii) and section 40(2).

Personal data

Information Tribunal EA/2010/0089 points out 'the question of whether the exemption in section 40(2) of FoIA is engaged is a question of Law based upon the analysis of the facts. This is not a case where the Commissioner was required to exercise his discretion'Personal data is defined in section 1(1) of the Data Protection Act (DPA) 1998 as data which relate to a living individual who can be identified (a) from those data, or (b) from those data and other information which is in the possession of, or is likely to come into the possession of, the data controller.

The review takes note in your original request you state '…officers refused to comment on what this incident was about…a later phone call to police informed me that if police were to inform the general public about the nature of the incident 'it may cause panic'…attempts to find the answer the following day suggested this was due to a 'hoax call' but the police could not say what the nature of this call was 'due to the Data Protection Act'. In accordance with the Code of Practice (FoIA, section 45), I would like to advise you that this complaint process provides a fair and thorough review of handling issues and of decisions taken in pursuant to the Act, including decisions taken about where the public interest lies in respect of exempt information. This enables a fresh decision to be taken on a reconsideration of all the factors relevant to the points you have raised.

The review also notes your comment in your request for a review 'I would like to know what was claimed by this hoaxer. I would also like to know if this has happened in the past'.The review also takes note of the comment by Lisa Rogers 'I do not believe that the data subject (in this instance the suspect/s and witnesses) would agree to the public disclosure of their personal information.' On this basis the review is therefore satisfied that the information being requested constitutes someone's personal data as it has a real and direct relationship to a living person. In addition the person's involved in this incident would be the focus of the information being requested and is 'biographical' in a significant sense as it affects their personal privacy of being identified in a specific location at a specific time. In this respect the review confirms that the exemption at Section 40(2) is engaged.

The review must also go on to consider whether provision of the requested personal data would breach any of the principles of the DPA 1998.

The review takes note of your comment 'Initially the claim was made by the MPS that this was 'a hoax call', so clearly no arrests were made given no firearms or perpetrators were found. Clearly my previous email asks for confirmation of this, and of the incidents nature, and I made no request for names or addresses.' In this case the review is guided by Data Protection Act legislation as follows. The First Principle (DPA) states that personal data shall be processed fairly and lawfully and, in particular, shall not be processed unless (a) at least one of the conditions in Schedule 2 is met, and (b) in the case of sensitive personal data, at least one of the conditions in Schedule 3 is also met. It can be seen then, that the First principle imposes a requirement of 'fairness'. The DPA principles also legislate the way in which a 'data controller' in this case the MPS must 'process' personal data. The word 'process' includes 'disclosure of the information or data by transmission, dissemination or otherwise making available'.

The most relevant Schedule 2 condition to consider in this case is the sixth condition, in that the processing is necessary for the purposes of legitimate interests pursued by the data controller or by the third party or parties to whom the data are disclosed, except where the processing is unwarranted in any particular case by reason of prejudice to the rights and freedoms or legitimate interests of the data subject. It can be seen therefore, that this aspect of the legislation requires a balance of one party's legitimate interests against those of another. To assist in this aspect the review is further guided by the Information Tribunal [EA/2007/0060] which states '... the application of [Schedule 2] Paragraph 6 of the DPA involves a balance between competing interests broadly comparable, but not identical, to the balance that applies under the public interest test for qualified exemptions under FOIA. Paragraph 6 requires a consideration of the balance between: (i) the legitimate interests of those to whom the data would be disclosed which in this context are members of the public (section 40(3)(a)); and (ii) prejudice to the rights, freedoms and legitimate interests of data subjects…' This review has applied the same considerations here.

(i) The legitimate interests of those to whom the data would be disclosed which in this context are members of the public (FoIA section 40(3) (a))

The review can see no legitimate interest being achieved by disclosure of the information you have requested namely'what was claimed by this hoaxer and if this has happened in the past'by way of a FoIA disclosure and considers the legitimate interests of the public are already met by the information already provided to you in the original MPS disclosure that 'Police were called to investigate a firearms incident at a private residence'.

(ii) Prejudice to the rights, freedoms and legitimate interests of data subject who in this case are any persons involved in this incident.

In this case the legitimate expectation of any person involved in this incident is that their personal information will not be disseminated within the public domain. Their legitimate expectation would be that their personal information would be treated confidentially and not disclosed to the public. In this case by releasing the information you have requested there is a likelihood of breaching the Data Protection Act - as there would have been a legitimate expectation of any person in this incident that their personal details confirming anything relating to them would not be publicly released under a FoIA disclosure.

The review takes note of your comment' Attempts to find the answer the following day suggested that this was due to 'a hoax call' The Information Commissioner's Office (ICO) Decision Notice [FS50321032] regarding similar exemption under Section 40(2) of FoIA concluded in that case 'because disclosure would enable private information to be deduced about individuals, by others who possessed suitable 'corroborating information'; because wider knowledge is likely to have undesirable consequences for those individuals, and because those individuals have a reasonable expectation the information will remain confidential, the Commissioner concludes that disclosure of the requested information would be unfair.' The review is also guided by Information Tribunal EA/2010/0089 which mentions 'there is an inherent tension between the objective of freedom of information and the objective of protecting personal data. It has been observed that section 40(2) of FoIA is a 'complex provision'. There is no presumption that openness and transparency of the activities of public authorities should take priority over personal privacy…'

After weighing up the competing interests I have determined that the disclosure of the above information would not be in the public interest. The review is further guided by the Information Tribunal [EA/2007/0060] which states ' because the processing must be 'necessary' for the legitimate interests of members of the public to apply we find that only where (i) outweighs or is greater than (ii) should the personal data be disclosed.' I consider that the benefit that would result from the information being disclosed does not outweigh disclosing information relating to 'what was claimed by this hoaxer and if this has happened in the past'.

Investigations

The review takes note of your comment 'Why you apply this request to a certain 'balance' is beyond my understanding. Was it a hoax, or 'a firearms incident'?' The review also notes the MPS refusal notice which states 'In relation to this incident we hold various CAD reports (created when a call to police is received) and an intelligence report..' The review is further guided by ACPO manual of guidance which states 's30 creates an exemption for information which is or has been held for the purposes of a criminal investigation...This exemption covers information held at any time for the purposes of an investigation, whether the case is ongoing or abandoned.'

Section 30 is a class based exemption. In order to demonstrate that it is engaged it is simply necessary to show that the information being withheld has been held by the public authority for the purpose specified. In the case of section 30(1)(a)(i)(ii) the information in question must relate to an investigation which the public authority has a duty to investigate with a view to it being ascertained whether a person should be charged with an offence or whether a person charged with an offence is guilty of it. Where this exemption is engaged, the public interest must favour the maintenance of the exemption over disclosure of the information. Where the public interest favours disclosure, the information in question should be disclosed despite the exemption being engaged.

The Information Commissioner (ICO) confirmed, in decision notice FS50241687, that the consideration of this exemption is a two-stage process. "First, the information must fall within the class specified in the exemption. Second, this exemption is qualified by the public interest." The review will consider these two stages below.

Stage 1 - Information must fall within the class specified in the exemption

In this case the review takes note of the MPS response which states 'The reason that these documents have been created is to ascertain whether or not a crime has been committed' Police forces have a statutory duty to fulfil in relation to the investigation of incidents and allegations. Therefore an initial investigation must be completed which amongst other things, secures available evidence such as witness and any other evidence. Therefore the review is satisfied the data consisting of the CAD and Intelligence report is captured and held by the MPS in order to fulfil its statutory duties in relation to the investigation of offences and is therefore relevant for the provisions of section 30(1)(a)(i)(ii).

Stage 2 - this exemption is qualified by the public interest

The review takes note of your comment in your original request 'At 12/10/2011 police set up a perimeter around parts of Brockley SE4....' the review also takes note in the initial MPS response which states ' given that the date you have requested the information for is recent' In this regard the review if further guided by ICO Decision Notice FS50244614 which states '...In striking the balance of interest, regard should be had, inter alia to such matters as the stage or stages reached in any particular investigation or criminal proceedings, whether and to what extent the information has already been released into the public domain, and the significance or sensitivity of the information requested.' ACPO further advises ' a critical issue is likely to be the timing of the disclosure.' In this case your request for information under FoIA has been made within 1 day of the incident.

In ICO Decision Notice FS50140994 the Commissioner's consideration of the public interest test, the following factors were considered pertinent:

The stage or stages reached in any particular investigation or criminal proceedings

The significance or sensitivity of the information to the investigation
Whether confidentiality is critical to the success of the investigation and
Whether the information reveals techniques used by the public authority which could harm the investigation.

Public interest

The review refers to your comment previously mentioned 'Why you apply this request to a certain 'balance' is beyond my understanding...' The ICO has provided guidance on the meaning of "public interest". This guidance states that "Something which is "in the public interest" may be summarised as something which serves the interests of the public." To clarify, the public interest is not what the public may find interesting but rather something that provides a real and tangible benefit to the community.

ACPO guidance on conducting the public interest test states 'The public interest test should be applied in a manner that is in-keeping with the spirit of the Act. That is to say there is an assumption that public authorities will provide information requested unless an exemption applies and the public interest favours retention of the information over disclosure.'

The review has found that the public interest considerations and balance test in the MPS refusal notice to be robust in this case and finds, as mentioned in the original response, 'to disclose details in relation to specific incidents would not only disclose the personal details of those affected, but would also provide information which could prejudice our ability to conduct thorough investigations. By disclosing details of investigations to the public we would therefore hinder our law enforcement capabilities.' The review therefore supports the view that the public interest favours in this case non-disclosure of the withheld information. This is also supported by ACPO guidance 'to be valid factors in favour of non-disclosure, there must be a clear relationship between the factors, the information and the exemption and this must be articulated.' The review is therefore satisfied that all the considerations have been identified and explained in the original MPS response.

Whilst I appreciate this is not the response you would have wished to receive, I hope the explanation provided clarifies why on this occasion the MPS maintains its stance to engage sections 30(1)(a)(i)(ii) and section 40(2).

LEGAL ANNEX

Section 1 provides that -

1) A public authority which, in relation to any request for information, is to any extent relying on a claim that any provision of Part II relating to the duty to confirm or deny is relevant to the request or on a claim that information is exempt information must, within the time for complying with section 1

(1), give the applicant a notice which-

(a) states that fact,
(b) specifies the exemption in question, and
(c) states (if that would not otherwise be apparent) why the exemption applies.

Section 17(1) of the Act provides:

(1) A public authority which, in relation to any request for information, is to any extent relying on a claim that any provision of Part II relating to the duty to confirm or deny is relevant to the request or on a claim that information is exempt information must, within the time for complying with section 1
(1), give the applicant a notice which-

(a) states that fact,
(b) specifies the exemption in question, and
(c) states (if that would not otherwise be apparent) why the exemption applies.

Section 30 (Investigations and proceedings conducted by public authorities) of the Act provides:

(1)Information held by a public authority is exempt information if it has at any time been held by the authority for the purposes of-
(a)any investigation which the public authority has a duty to conduct with a view to it being ascertained-
(i)whether a person should be charged with an offence, or
(ii)whether a person charged with an offence is guilty of it,

Section 40 (Personal information) of the Act provides:

(1) Any information to which a request for information relates is exempt information if it constitutes personal data of which the applicant is the data subject.
(2) Any information to which a request for information relates is also exempt information if-
(a) it constitutes personal data which do not fall within subsection (1), and
(b) either the first or the second condition below is satisfied.
(3) The first condition is-
(a) in a case where the information falls within any of paragraphs (a) to (d) of the definition of "data" in section 1(1) of the [1998 c. 29.] Data Protection Act 1998, that the disclosure of the information to a member of the public otherwise than under this Act would contravene-
(i) any of the data protection principles, or
(ii) section 10 of that Act (right to prevent processing likely to cause damage or distress), and
(b) in any other case, that the disclosure of the information to a member of the public otherwise than under this Act would contravene any of the data protection principles if the exemptions in section 33A(1) of the [1998 c. 29.] Data Protection Act 1998 (which relate to manual data held by public authorities) were disregarded.
(4) The second condition is that by virtue of any provision of Part IV of the [1998 c. 29.] Data Protection Act 1998 the information is exempt from section 7(1)(c) of that Act (data subject's right of access to personal data).

Data Protection Act 1998:

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1998/29/contents

Link to Information tribunal Decision notice EA/2010/0089
http://www.informationtribunal.gov.uk/Public/search.aspx

Link to Information Tribunal Decision Notice EA/2007/0060:
http://www.informationtribunal.gov.uk/DBFiles/Decision/i85/HoC3.pdf

Link to ICO Decision Notice FS50244614:
http://www.ico.gov.uk/tools_and_resources/decision_notices/~/media/documents/decisionnotices/2010/fs_50244614.ashx.

Link to ICO Decision Notice FS50321032:
http://www.ico.gov.uk/~/media/documents/decisionnotices/2011/fs_50321032.ashx.

Link to Decision Notice FS50241687
http://www.ico.gov.uk/~/media/documents/decisionnotices/2010/FS_50241687.ashx.

Link to ICO Decision Notice FS50140994
http://www.ico.gov.uk/~/media/documents/decisionnotices/2008/FS_50140994.ashx

COMPLAINT RIGHTS

If you are dissatisfied with this response please read the attached paper entitled Complaint Rights which explains how to contact the Information Commissioner with your complaint.

Yours sincerely

Mike Lyng
Quality and Assurance Advisor

"Total Policing is the Met's commitment to be on the streets and in your communities to catch offenders, prevent crime and support victims. We are here for London, working with you to make our capital safer.”

So, now you know...

Vincent Tabak: pornographic films featured women being choked.

2011-10-28T17:11:00.004+01:00

Vincent Tabak may have graduated from 'observer to perpetrator' after watching pornographic films, before going on to strangle Jo Yeates, 'for his own sexual gratification' detectives have claimed.

The six-man and six-women jury in Joanna Yeates murder trial had been deliberating for thirteen hours and 36 minutes, before returning to Court One at Bristol Crown Court and finding the defendant, Vincent Tabak, guilty of murder.

As the verdict was delivered, Tabak immediately sat down and put his head in his hands.

Mr Justice Field began sentencing by telling the jury: "I think there was a sexual element to this killing."

Tabak is said to have held a collection of pornographic films featuring women being choked.

Contrary to his image as a devoted boyfriend, it can also be revealed that he sought out the company of prostitutes while on business trips to Newcastle and Los Angeles.

The judge lifted an order banning publication after the 10-2 guilty verdict.

Members of the Yeates family were in court to hear the verdict but showed little emotion.

Yeates's boyfriend, Greg Reardon, maintained his composure.

LINDA ANN WESTON: ABDUCTOR ESCAPED PRISON

2011-10-19T10:22:00.001+01:00

TheBigRetort: ringleader of a gang who kept mentally disabled people in cellar escaped jail term.

Linda Ann Weston, 51, was convicted in 1983 for keeping a man in a closet and starving him to death.

Although found guilty in the 1983 abduction and murder, Weston did not serve time in prison.

Venus Weston, younger sister of Linda, was sentenced to six to 12 years in prison. Linda the elder was ruled ‘incompetent to stand’. Even though the plot was originally hers.

A fact not picked up by the American media who continue to report: 'It is not known how long she served in prison.'

TheBigRetort exclusive....

Linda Ann Weston shock: escaped prison first time round

2011-10-18T15:24:00.000+01:00

Police in Philadelphia recently discovered four abused and vulnerable adults shackled together in a dank cellar where they were being held captive, with dogs for cell mates. Officers also discovered a teenage girl. Three people have been arrested. It has been widely claimed that one of the captors, Linda Ann Weston, 51, served time in prison for a similar crime. TheBigRetort… but she didn’t.

In November 1981, Bernado Ramos was reported missing by his mother.

His body was found in a closet two weeks later.

Linda Weston, 23, and Venus Weston, 21 his lover, were later charged and convicted with his captivity and murder.

Apparently Bernado had been the father of Venus’s child but refused to support it. It was his last mistake.

The Weston sisters had beat him with a broomstick and eventually starved him to death in the cupboard.

A remarkably similar modus operandi when compared with the current charges.

However, Linda Weston, now charged with abduction and enslavement in the more recent case, is said to have done time in 1983 for murder and imprisonment.

In fact, in one paper it was stated, “Before Philadelphia police found Linda Ann Weston with four disabled adults chained in her apartment cellar, before those same adults lived with her at a home in West Palm Beach, the 51-year-old woman had already done time for another horror in her closet: the death-by-starvation of her sister's lover.”

But Linda Weston did not ‘do time’ for the murder of Bernado Ramos: her sister did.

Venus Weston, the younger sister of Linda, was sentenced to six to 12 years in prison. Linda the elder was ruled ‘incompetent to stand’. Even though the plot was originally hers.

(See Herald Journal, October 18, 1983 for further reading.)

EDGINGTON: MENTAL HEALTH UNIT LINKED TO PREVIOUS DOUBLE SLAYING

2011-10-13T10:57:00.000+01:00

Edgington knife attack linked to previous double slaying at New Cross. TheBigRetort… exclusive.

An urgent probe by the NHS may wish to focus on the mental health unit where a knife attacker sought refuge, prior to going on a rampage that left one woman dead and another seriously injured.

The patient, Nicola Edgington, 31, was from the same mental health unit where a previous patient also went on to commit a frenzied knife attack that left two foreign students dead.

TheBigRetort previously revealed that Edgington had been ordered by a judge to be detained indefinitely under the Mental Health Act after stabbing her mother to death in 2005 - but was conditionally discharged in 2009.

The 31-year-old recently admitted herself into Oxleas House in Woolwich, and fled the unit prior to her second and third attacks. Although a warning was put out by the unit to police, Edgington went on to stab one person to death and seriously injure another.

The probe might scrutinse the treatment offered to patients by the Oxleas unit and the conduct of its doctors because... it has happened before.

In 2008, Nigel Farmer appeared at the Old Bailey and was convicted, along with associate Dano Sonnex, of murdering students Laurent Bonomo and Gabriel Ferez at a flat in Sterling Gardens, New Cross.

Farmer was a patient at the Oxleas Foundation Trust. He signed himself out of the unit a few weeks prior to committing his frenzied knife attack on Bonomo and Ferez. Mr Bonomo was stabbed 196 times, including almost 100 times in the back after he was already dead. Close friend Gabriel Ferez, also 23, suffered 47 stab wounds and "bore the burnt of the fire".

A spokesman for Oxleas NHS Foundation Trust confirmed that Edgington was a patient and that British health officials were conducting an investigation.

TheBigRetort can reveal that Oxleas Trust has failed to confirm if a link may have also existed between either patient. Or if any other related cases exist following admittance to the unit.

Sally Hodkin: who is responsible, patient or state?

2011-10-12T18:57:00.000+01:00

Sally Hodkin was on her way to work on Monday morning when she was murdered in a busy shopping street in south east London. Her assailant (pictured) is unable to appear in court due to "extreme" mental health problems. So who is really responsible for the death of Sally Hodkin?

TheBigRetort...

Sally Hodkin's assailant is Nicola Edgington, 31, of Ambedkar House, Flavell Mews, Greenwich, south east London. Edgington also attempted to murder 23-year-old Kerry Clark, who was attacked with a knife as she waited at a bus stop. However TheBigRetort can reveal that Nicola Edgington is unlikely to stand in a courtroom charged with the murder - ever. Because she has already been deemed in the past not guilty of murder due to diminished responsibility.

The recent attacks by Nicola Edgington were forewarned - and could have been prevented. In 2006, Edgington, then aged 26, admitted stabbing her mother to death in a frenzied attack. She struck on the eve of what was supposed to be a happy family reunion.
.
At her 60-year-old mother's home Marion had lived in fear of her own daughte. She had cut her out of her will. She was worried about her mental state. A regular churchgoer, Marion chillingly predicted her own death - at the hands of her "wayward" daughter. Just days before being killed by Nicola her mother wrote to social services stating: "She is the most unstable I have ever known her to be and for the longest period too."

Nicola Edgington was apparently angry at having a child taken into care. On the night of the killing she had been to a pub with her brother but had been thrown out because of her bizarre behaviour; which included doing karate chops and punches. Her brother noticed she had a notebook in which she had scribbled the names Bin Laden, George Bush and Reggie Kray. The court also heard that she had an obsession with a cousin who had also stabbed someone to death.

Once inside her mother's cottage in rural Forest Row, East Sussex, she attacked her with a knife. She stabbed Mrs Edgington nine times and left her body on the fold-up bed she slept in, with the bloodied knife lying on her chest.

Edgington, a schizophrenic, admitted manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility at Lewes Crown Court. She was ordered to be detained ‘indefinitely‘.

She was not... Yet again we see another person in need of care... in the community... one of a growing band of 'crazed' individuals who emerge on the streets - usually in the south east London region - and who now looks set to be taken off the streets and out of the courts 'indefinitely': which is convenient for social services.

Nicola Edgington may have wielded the knife: but it is the state that is the real assassin.

Are neutrinos faster than light? No, is the answer

2011-09-24T10:25:00.001+01:00

Scientists have made the recent ‘discovery’ that neutrinos may travel faster than the speed of light. But a short trip back in time may spread light on the findings. TheBigRetort…

Scientists at the Opera (Oscillation Project with Emulsion-tRacking Apparatus) experiment in Gran Sasso, Italy, found that beams of neutrinos sent to its detectors from Cern, 730km away in Geneva, arrived earlier than they should have. But TheBigRetort can report that the claim is not ‘evidence’ that the speed of light barrier has been broken, and with it the genius that was Albert Einstein, but a manifestation of events that link back in the stellar pages of time… here on Earth

Twenty-four years ago detectors in the US, Japan and Russia observed a burst of 24 neutrinos which originated from a supernova in the Large Magellanic Cloud.

About 2 hours later, an experienced New Zealand amateur astronomer observed the area of the supernova, but noted nothing unusual.

About 3 hours after the neutrino burst however, the first visible sign of a supernova was captured on a photograph taken at a telescope in Australia. It is known as Supernova 1987A.

What was then seen as curious is that the neutrinos arrived two to three hours earlier than the light from the star. Did this mean that the neutrinos had travelled faster than light?

No: it simply meant that the neutrinos had a head start.

The core of a massive star has enough gravity to squeeze the matter in it so tightly that protons and electrons combine to form neutrons. This transformation also produces an enormous number of neutrinos. The neutrinos are able to pass through the star’s outer layers and escape into space before the star shows any outward sign of trouble.

As far back as 1987, astronomers predicted that neutrinos from a supernova would arrive before its light.

Could this be why neutrinos appeared to travel faster than the speed of light in the earthbound experiment at CERN?

If so, Einstein can rest in a steady state.

[For further reading see Robert Bigelow. http://www.clarkplanetarium.org/blog/neutrinos-and-supernova-1987a]

2011-08-25T11:23:00.003+01:00

New Dutch film spells big opportunity for girl with English connection. TheBigRetort profiles rising star Pippa Allen.

Originally titled "Patatje Oorlog“ - “Patatje Wars” [War Fries] is based on the acclaimed book "A Little Chance" by Marjolijn Hof, and traces the lonely life of nine-year old Harriers (Pippa Allen) who constantly worries about her father, a doctor who has left home to work in a war zone. What if he gets a disease? What if he stands in the way of stray bullets? What if? Just a few of the fears that beset young Harriers on her angst-ridden journey towards an inevitable conclusion.

In order to reduce the risk that something bad may happen to her father Harriers journeys into the strangest corners of her mind.

Her fantasies are portrayed in stop-motion animation combined with live action; extraordinary for a Dutch film. It is due for later release with English subtitles - hence the title “War Fries“.

But what of that English connection?

Pippa, who is bilingual, was chosen for the role amidst thousands of Dutch hopefuls. Her grandparents live in Brockley, southeast London.

Rising starlet “Pip” is a regular visitor to their Manor Avenue house with father Paul and her equally talented brother Tommy, a gifted little comedian and break dancer.

War Fries is directed by Nicole van Kilsdonk (How do I survive Saddle Pain ).

In the roles of Harriers parents are Johnny de Mol and Rifka Lodeizen .

War Fries will premiere at the Cine Kids Festival in Amsterdam from the 12th-20th October, and is then intended for wider general release.

London riots: Alcohol to blame?

2011-08-13T13:26:00.001+01:00

A curious incident is said to have occurred during the Lewisham riots that may keep Government experts pondering for quite some time... the sale of alcohol. TheBigRetort exclusive...

The place: Brockley Cross, London SE4

The time: Just the other day actually

Durng the riots, a shopkeeper was unsurprised when he saw a young guy saunter in, lean down, and then pick up a four-pack of beer.

However, it was what his 'usually friendly' and 'long time' customer then went on to say that left him totally 'stunned'.

"I'm taking these!"

"Oh," the shopkeeper responded with a smile as the guy headed for the door without paying, "do you want to open a tab?"

The young man looked back, paused for a minute, and then delivered his anarchic coup de guerre: "No. I'm taking them! And there's nothing you can do about it!"

And with that he was gone.

"The silly thing is he's been coming into my shop for years! And he'll be back!" the bemused shopkeeper opined.

London Riots: More Smash-N-Grab

2011-08-10T15:29:00.000+01:00

The riots in London and which also sporadically erupted around the country we now know had little if anything to do with politics or poverty. They were pre-Christmas smash-and-grab raids.

Wondering into Lewisham shopping centre yesterday to offer our services towards the clean-up campaign we were surprised however to discover little in the way of the apocalyptic damage that was transmitted around the world over the previous evening’s news. The images that were recorded of Lewisham, usually from helicopters overhead, offered a zoom-lens view of the ‘riots’ as they happened - and a distorted one if ever.

In what were actually endless loop shots of the same events--buildings in flames, cars, and streets, ablaze-- this was (apparently) “Lewisham Burning“, and with it the end of life as we knew it.

Presented by this distant media the whole fabric of society had come apart like the seams on a badly fitting tuxedo. An apt description, the mobs seemed intent on bagging either a new pair of trainers, a tracksuit, or a mobile phone - and only the tuxedos were left on the racks. People were rightly cowering in fear... And the future Sarah Connor was set.

Be that as it may…

Remember that scene in Die Hard 4.0 where Bruce Willis is watching television in the streets showing the destruction of the Capitol building - only later to discover that it is really still standing? So too was Lewisham town centre…

We wandered the shopping area intent on searching out the 'aftermath' - and found very little sign of it. Blackheath Furniture & Electrical, Game, McDonalds, and a few more businesses with broken windows were the 'few' that greeted us. Other shops had been boarded up, but if this was due to the ’riot’ or to protect them from further damage is anyone's guess.

One thing was apparent… the mob had been somewhat selective...

The buildings chosen were not always 'establishment chains’ - as in the case of Blackheath Furniture - but the common factor was that they did sell electronic goods. Only McDonalds and Boots stood out as oddities. Perhaps the pre-and-teenage mob (the P&Ts) was hungry after its shopping spree and in need of medication to continue to the next beleaguered town centre and so could not finish its work. Perhaps it was due to police intervention.

According to online forum and neighbourhood blog Brockley Central, (brockleycentral.blogspot.com) the lack of devastation was due to the council and its teams working through the night to turn the damage visited by this zombie tribe away from Lewisham town centre and towards others, a policy apparently commenced by the police service itself which stood shoulder-to-shoulder to defend the walls of the citadel.

But on closer examination are things quite as they seem?

It was the aftermath of what was essentially a pre-Christmas shopping spree by a generation of feral youths. the ages of the perpetrators for the most part are said to reach from the nines into the teens. Is it any wonder that it is this age group that has very little to fear from the strong arm of the law that 'failed' to defend the streets?

This zombie army is usually (and has been for some time now, say two generations) untouched by the law and the regulatory parenting on which much of society is thankfully formed. Instead, revealing a liberal view on parenting gone awry, shops, nurseries, water sports centres (Southwark), libraries - everything but the mosques and Turkish restaurants--were closed down. This action followed the advice of a police service handcuffed and harangued by the present government on many levels and largely employed to ensure that honest citizens may go about their day-to-day business 'freely'. It was not to be.

In fact, ironically, the only persons making 'honest' money that day were the police - and an overtime bill that will pay off many police mortgages was due to (unstoppable) crime. And on 9/8 - a day that will go down in infamy.

The uncivil liberties taken by the few outweigh those of the many. Now, a few feral children, who should have been 'cuffed' a long time ago if not that night, have awoken our society - and for the better. But for the honest men and women who were so bowed by these events that they reacted by shutting up shop and bolting themselves into homes and buildings that had been turned into their prisons it would be mistaken for a sick joke.

But: close up shop at 1pm - why, we hear you ask.

UK Plc is in enough trouble and nearly on its knees. Apparently it seems to have been the residents in Eltham who stood alongside each other in white T-shirts seeing off the braying babes and thereby displaying the might of the Big Society. That's the right to bare your arms in the streets, Prime Minister.

Back in Lewisham most of the shops had followed police “advice” and at 1pm exactly had closed up and boarded their windows against the oncoming ‘zombie yoof’.

The fishmonger in Lewisham was very annoyed. He was going to lose most of the day’s trade. He confided that he could not take many knocks like that in the current economic climate. However, police job done, it must be said, the oxygen of the economy had been cut off from the infected Zombie Yoof and it returned to its dark pit awaiting the full shelves of another day rather than a new moon under which to croon.

As we wondered home to the leafy conservation area of Brockley, towing a bag of fish and muscles for the evening meal and for which we paid plenty, it was not a sign of devastation that greeted us that day: but total capitulation.

Londoners, having fought off the air raids of a Nazi enemy some seventy years earlier--on the advice of what was once a mighty police ‘force’-- had given in to a marauding and rabid bunch of foetuses. Forget a virus insidiously turning ordinary folk into raving lunatics, the virus is amongst us and we are already infected. It's called government; and it has turned the streets over to the hooded zombies. But it should be noted that this capitulation of our streets and shops was not itself a total eclipse.

At Brockley Cross a few die-hards, those who felt they were beyond approach (or threat perhaps?) stayed open; Tickle Me Take-away; Nats Bake, the Brockley Barge pub, Costcutter, and, thankfully--in our case at least--the Orchard Bar & Kitchen in Harefield Road.

The latter had a surreal air about it as we sauntered past later with the dog. It was as if it was one of few buildings left standing (open) in post apocalyptic Lewisham. Almost like the last chance saloon, people sat inside-and-out oblivious to the police sirens, which are quite usual for an area with the largest police station in Europe, and the helicopters, which are not. The patrons, Guardianistas perhaps, were sipping beers and wines and seemingly enjoying themselves as they tucked into the cuisine - without a care in the world.

It was of course both a welcome and illusory sight...

This was after all Lewisham post 9/8. The Night of the Foetuses was their Dunkirk and the patrons we understand were meeting this young anarchic enemy at the beer pump, if not the beaches.

Police warning aside, this courageous stand was much to do with the owner Edmund. ”Ed“ who obviously listened to police advice, promptly ignored it. It was after all only the “opinion“ of a police service that was once a "force" and would itself earn quite a crust that day, whilst keeping its long arms quietly folded. An action for which Ed and many a taxpayer will surely meet the cost. And yet Ed, with a remarkable resemblance to Tom Cruise in War of the Worlds, made his stand that day; together with a few other stalwarts. This is a courage that will be recognised long after the little enemy has retired to its cot nappy sopping wet after a day at the windows. Where were you they may one day ask each other.

This “scum”, as they were repeatedly labelled on southeast London online forum Brockley Central, would eventually get its just 'rewards'. Most of the BC participants, a few them regulars, had little doubt what should be done with the feral perpetrators. One Lou Baker said., “Let the dogs on these pathetic little chavs.” Whilst Anonymous one of many) said, “Scum of thee (sic) earth!” Ken said, “Lewisham High street is a complete no go area - AVOID AT ALL COSTS - cars are on fire and the place looks like a zombie apocalypse.” More to the point, Elsa said, “The youth of the Middle East rose up for democracy. The youth of London rise up for Nike trainers, flat screen TVs and mobile phones.”

Lou Baker, who apparently lives on a nearby mount displayed an apparent and customary lack of diplomacy and added later: “These chavs must be stopped. Let's shoot them.” It was not meant as a joke. The “chavs” and “scum”, captured in the stocks of a southeast London online forum, will, when captured, be summarily executed. [Founded by Nick Barron of Edelman, Brockley Central claimed 16,000 hits that day, some from overseas parents concerned about their children at Goldsmiths College.]

Only… in the civilised world this will not happen and the process of asking what went wrong will take place. The past of course will be dug up and previous governments will be blamed. However, the warning signs have long been buried… and in classrooms around the nation old canes might just be taken out of teachers’ closets, dusted down, and make a familiar swishing sound known only to a few.

"Shame," we hear someone in nearby Telegraph Hill say, “Just shoot them!” But that’s just one of a growing band of Lous out there.

EuroMillions: winners unmasked

2011-07-15T14:26:00.000+01:00

Colin and Chris Weir of Largs in Ayrshire have been named as the couple who scooped the £161m on the EuroMillions jackpot this week.

The pair have been married for 30 years..

The winning numbers were 17, 19, 38, 42 and 45, and the lucky stars were 9 and 10.

The record haul will put them in 430th place on the Sunday Times Rich List.

Och Aye the you!

New of the World Brooks Covertly Recorded: transcript

2011-07-09T10:10:00.000+01:00

TheBigRetort has obtained a transcript of News International chief executive Rebekah Brooks informing News Of The World staff of her ‘arrogance’. Taken from a secret recording by a member of Ms Brooks’ staff, the (edited) transcript also includes the explosive admission that more revelations are 'on the way':

Rebekah Brooks:

... and I remember the team spirit of the paper where you all, who were there came alongside me and we fought for something we believed in, and I remember when we saw all the news headlines that came in the next day - we were rubbished everywhere and there was an opinion poll that said ‘97% of the British public agree with you‘.

And we were like ‘right, here we are, we're up and running‘. And so I feel very strongly exactly the same as you, and that's why I said "mounting anger". And you know, I'm not saying- you know, this is not exactly the best time in my life, but I'm determined to get vindication for this paper. And for people like you.

Unknown staff member:

Will the paper come out again once you've got vindication for it? What I don't understand is, can't you see that by your actions yesterday (Thursday), you're calling our newspaper toxic, right? We're all contaminated by that toxicity, by the way we've been treated. But can't you see the bigger picture? You're making the whole of News International toxic, and the arrogance there that you think we would want to work here again.
[Applause]

Mrs Brooks:

You know what there's not an arrogance about wanting you to work for us again at all and I'm sorry that came across. All I meant was that if any of you did want to, that I was going to try and find opportunities, but please believe me, there's no arrogance coming from this standpoint.

On your point about - you know, you said will the paper come out again? We have a belief in journalism, we have invested in journalism throughout our history. Yes we're in a very bad moment, but we will continue to invest in journalism. And we haven't made a decision on any new publications, or strengthening or expanding existing ones yet.

It's too soon, we just don't know what to do. But in those circumstances - I don't see there's any of you in this room here looking at me now - that we wouldn't want to work because we know there's no toxicity attached to you guys in the room and that's the sadness.

It wouldn't be sad, we wouldn't all be feeling like this if you guys were up to your neck in it like previous colleagues. We wouldn't be feeling like this would we?

[Applause in response].

Mrs Brooks stated that she was a ‘working journalist‘ who had been employed at the paper ‘since I was 19 years old‘.

Brooks added: You are trying to say to me that because an allegation came in that we do not know if it is true, you think I should resign? If you think this is a bundle of laughs trying to fight and get this company's reputation back, it isn't.

I see what she saw now

Mrs Brooks stated that the senior staff ‘have more visibility perhaps with what we can see coming than you guys‘.

I am tied by the criminal investigation but I think in a year's time, every single one of you in this room might come up and say ‘I see what she saw now‘.

Mrs Brooks:

Eventually it will come out why things went wrong and who was responsible and that will be another very difficult moment in this company's history.

Brooks went on to claim that she was sorry that people the paper trusted had ‘let us down, and that's the case‘.

On a point of her resignation, she added:

If being betrayed is a resignation issue maybe I should, but I think I am much more useful leading the company through this.

End (edited) transcript.

NEWS OF THE WORLD POLICE BRIBERY CLAIMS DECADES OLD

2011-07-08T15:35:00.000+01:00

The current debacle surrounding Rupert Murdoch and his New of the World team of hacks has the feeling of deja vu about it. Readers interested in glancing back in time need to leap back two decades.

In 1999 a NotW reporter was arrested for bribing a police officer and for conspiracy.

Later, in 2000, News of the World reporter Neville Thurlbeck faced trial on a charge of offering a police officer a "gift" for obtaining information.

Det Con Farmer, who worked for Hertfordshire Police but was seconded to the National Criminal Intelligence Service (NCIS) at the time of the alleged offences, and Mr Thurlbeck both pleaded not guilty.

The prosecution had alleged that Mr Thurlbeck, 38, paid Det Con Farmer to supply information on people whose details were kept on a confidential police computer.

Jurors were told Det Con Farmer, 53, made scores of police computer checks on people's criminal records for Mr Thurlbeck.

At Luton Crown Court, Mr Justice McKinnon directed the jury to acquit Mr Thurlbeck and his co-accused Det Con Farmer, after hearing the prosecution evidence. He said there was not enough evidence for the jury to be sure Det Con Farmer supplied information to Mr Thurlbeck for reward. Both the accused were cleared of conspiracy to corrupt and there was no case for either to answer.

Rupert Murdoch's phone hacked - revelation.

2011-07-07T20:53:00.002+01:00

Following in the wake of the News of the World phone hacking scandal, TheBigRetort does the dirty - and hacks Rupert Murdoch's mobile.

Murdoch: Hello... Rupert Murdoch speaking, how can I help you?

Chief Hacker: Mr Murdoch sir this is Chief Hacker calling from London.

Murdoch: Holey doley, mate, you’re interrupting my Barbie. Hope this is good - I‘ve got journos around me like bities.

Chief hacker: It’s come on top, Mr M. It's time to bail out.

Murdoch: (choking on his Four X) No way. I’m a battler!

Chief hacker: It’s a done deal... straight from the Met Commissioner's phone..

Murdoch (sighing): I blame that Milliband

Chief hacker: which one?

Murdoch: The banana bender.

Chief hacker: Ed?

Murdoch: That wog should mind his own bizzo! He‘s a kangaroos loose in the top paddock that one!

Chief hacker: Wanna turn him over?

Murdoch:: No! No! No! On no account are you to hack anymore? He‘s not the full quid that one. Talks through his left nostril. (Pause, followed by heavy sigh.) What about arranging a little bingle?

Chief hacker: Err… I don’t do motor vehicle accidents.

Rupert: Why?

Chief hacker: Err... I’m just a hack. Pond life.

Murdoch: Bloody oath, mate! Don’t I know it. Don’t mean to big-note but I made that paper what it is.

Chief hacker: Best not admit to that… in court I mean.

Murdoch: Strewth mate. Think it’ll come to that? All sounds a bit pig‘s arse to me. I was within cooee of controlling the news of the whole world. Of course I’ll get the knock back on Bsky- that’ll cost big bikkies - and now…. One minute drinking with the flies… now I’m not worth a zack. Did I tell you that I‘d met the Queen - now I couldn’t even get a job at Maccas. There’s nothing for it, I’ll have to Billabong it. Go straight off the coat hanger, that‘ll show ‘em who‘s boss. That’s what I’m gonna do.

Chief hacker: Well before you do a Maxwell… you should know that it was Cameron… in with that big mouth what finally done it. You know he has Botox injections?

Murdoch: Stops him sweating. [Laughs ironically.] We kept that one quiet for that regular wowser. Don’t make me liquid laugh! Thought that pommie bastard was a cobber but he dobbed me in - the bludger! He’s a boomer, in with this paper and out with that, then back in again. And now… make one little blue and see how they treat yeh!

Chief Hacker: Sorry, Mr M… got to go. I’ve got an interview… at the Mail.

Murdoch: That’d be right.. Go on then, hack off hairy legs! Heaps mate, no dramas, I’m rooted anyway. I’m moving beyond the black stump to me rellies.. Probably take a few roadies with me. Hooroo

Chief hacker: Mr M, what would you like to do with the last edition?

Murdoch (a threatening pause): Give all those tall poppies an Ausie salute from me, will yeh mate!

Tape ends...

Coming this Sunday in the News of the World: ‘The Queen’s secret lover’ ‘Cameron does Botox’ ‘Milliband in porn shock’

New of the World Axed: last edition this Sunday.

2011-07-07T18:35:00.001+01:00

News just in...

Readers of The New of the World are said to be 'shocked' following recent plans to axe the newspaper following in the wake of its phone hacking scandal. James Murdoch, son of the paper's owner Rupert Murdoch, has announced that this Sunday's edition will be the paper's last.

It was reported to Yahoo! News by a News of the World journalist that James Murdoch broke the news to staff this afternoon. Many journalists are said to be distraught and phoning their families.

In a statement James Murdoch said: "Having consulted senior colleagues, I have decided that we must take further decisive action with respect to the paper. This Sunday will be the last issue of the News of the World. We will run no commercial advertisements this weekend. Any advertising space in this last edition will be donated to causes and charities that wish to expose their good works to our millions of readers."

Ed Miliband, leader of the Labour party, remains adamant that News International Chief Executive Rebekah Brooks should lose her job. "Closing down the News of the World does not solve the problem" he told BBC News.

Rupert Murdoch is refusing to comment.

The BBC has reported that the URLs TheSunOnSunday.co.uk and TheSunOnSunday.com were registered two days ago by an unknown company.

Straus-Kahn back in court amidst dropped charges leak - DA sex crimes unit jumps ship

2011-07-01T11:25:00.000+01:00

The district attorney who handled the Dominique Straus Kahn sex trial may have ‘jumped before she was pushed,’ according to a well place source within the sex crimes unit.

The district attorney’s office formerly declined to comment on the matter, save to say that the former DA, Lisa Friel, now plans ‘to explore other professional opportunities outside the office.’

Mr. Strauss-Kahn remains on bail after being charged with the attempted rape of a hotel housekeeper and also forcing her to perform oral sex. He has always maintained his innocence.

Mr Straus-Kahn is due in court today following doubts about the victim’s allegations.

Watch this space….

Max Melitzer: homeless heir's tragic death crash

2011-06-20T20:20:00.002+01:00

Recently a homeless man who wandered the streets of Utah pushing a shopping trolley was tracked down by a private detective. He had some money coming to him from an inheritance and didn’t know it. It was hoped the windfall would turn his life around. However good fortune did not always shine on Max Melitzer. TheBigRetort exclusive… it began with a rollover.

Penniless Max Melitzer may have inherited a fortune that many hope will allow him to turn his life around, however his has not always been a rags-to-riches fairy story: but a tragedy.

July 1990... It was a Tuesday afternoon...

A highway in Wyoming five miles east of Rock Springs.

The driver drifted off the road and overcorrected the vehicle, according to the Wyoming Highway Patrol.

Unfortunately all four passengers were not wearing seat belts and were ejected from the car as it did a rollover.

Cindy Lee Jones, 36, died on the way to the hospital, and Glen Chrietzderg, 36, also of Ogden, died later at the University of Utah Hospital.

Janice Melitzer's, 44, the driver’s wife, died in the crash.

The driver, Max Melitzer, then also aged 44, was taken to Sweetwater County Memorial Hospital where he remained in a stable condition. He was the sole survivor.

Twenty one years later Max was roaming the streets.

Recently a police officer discovered him sleeping in a car in an Ogden salvage yard.

Was the rollover accident the trigger that set off a series of a events that led to Max pushing a shopping trolley with all his earthly belongings for over two decades? Was Max, burdened by grief, continuously visiting the crash site?

Max is said to have roamed the area between Salt Lake City and Ogden, the scene of the crash - and that‘s where fortune later found him.

We wish him much happiness.

2012 Olympic torch falls on Brockley

2011-06-08T20:13:00.001+01:00

The 2012 Olympic torch has been unveiled by that creative London design team Edward Barber and Jay Osgerby. But was the inspiration for the 'flame' really an upside-down building? TheBigRetort remarkable expose...

It may come as a shock to the eventual Olympic torchbearer, but as he or she pounds through the streets of London, a rather tall building may cast a shadow over the 2012 event… the Shard.

Shock! Horror! Oh no! What can they mean?

We mean that the flame of the original idea may have kindled out of the minds of Barber and Osgerby as they stared out of their back window - and upside down - in Brockley.

Libellous speculation we grant, but we are neighbours and have also hung out of our back window - and seen it upside down. (Admittedly though this was after a heavy party.)

Whatever... we feel certain that this dynamic and innovative duo is going to light up the whole of London - from 2012, and beyond.

OBAMA STEPS UP THE DRONES: BREAKING NEWS

2011-06-06T14:37:00.000+01:00

Pakistani leaders have protested that the country's sovereignty has been violated by the US following a series of drone strikes that have left 17 militants killed in the country's northwest tribal region.

All of Monday's strikes were in South Waziristan, near the Afghan border.
The attacks display to militants and the Pakistani government that President Barak Obama will not hold back when it comes to tracking down the enemy in a capture or kill policy that is more about the killing.

'Wanted dead, that's the policy at the Whitehouse now,' a Washington insider informed TheBigRetort.

STRAUS-KAHN CASE: BREAKING NEWS

2011-06-06T14:24:00.000+01:00

The former head of the International Monetary Fund, Dominique Strauss-Khan, is due to appear in a New York court for his arraignment, and has insisted he is innocent of the charges

Defence team member claims evidence undermines procecution.

William W Taylor, on behalf of Mr Straus-Kahn, has written that there is evidence to "gravely undermine the credibility of the complainant in this case".

Mr Strauss-Kahn faces charges of sexual assault and attempting to rape a hotel maid last month.

It will be his first appearance in court since he was released on bail set at $6m (£3.65m).

Al-Qaida, antimatter weapons and the positron bomb

2011-06-06T12:54:00.001+01:00

An international team at the CERN institute in Switzerland has managed to create 300 atoms of "anti-hydrogen" and stop them from collapsing into oblivion for a grand total of almost 17 minutes. Five thousand times longer than they had previously achieved. The research, published in the journal Nature Physics, represents a landmark in one of the most potentially profound areas of science. However, it also awakens the spectre of an antimatter weapon so destructive that it may herald the end of every living creature on the planet. Be that as it may… TheBigRetort

Is an antimatter weapon a giant leap closer for humanity? Antimatter was created in the laboratory for the first time last November. Long the preserve of science fiction writers, in Dan Brown’s bestseller Angels & Demons a tiny device with the destructive power of a nuclear warhead hinges on a plot to blow up the Vatican, it has often been dismissed as alarmist by the scientific community. That was until we happened to take a look at the 'What Ifs' out there.

The antimatter bomb of science fiction brings with it hysterical concerns that the long-term potentials of such a weapon are being downplayed in order to preserve a devastating and deadly secret: that scientists can now build a positron bomb.

CERN scientists claimed today that it is feasible to maintain the atoms for as long as a couple of hours in suspension. The atoms are the opposite of normal atoms, consisting of negatively-charged protons and positively-charged electrons. If they come into contact with normal atoms they are mutually annihilated.

Howver, the technology needed to contain antimatter in sufficient quantities for it to be a useful weapon has always stood in the way of a such a device being used as a powerful weapon and is deemed unlikely in the lifetime of our soalr system. However, in theory, the advantage of such a weapon is that antimatter and matter collisions would convert a larger fraction of the weapon's mass into explosive energy than that of a fusion reaction in a hydrogen bomb say.

I am become death the destroyer.

“A positron weapon would leave behind no nuclear residue, and would be devastating if it fell into the hands of terrorists,“ one particle physicist informed us. He asked not to be named. “The problem has always been the ability to store positrons for long periods of time, a significant technical and scientific difficulty."

But that was then... What now?”

Apparently, with the recent news that CERN has managed to contain antimatter for 16 minutes, having previously claimed that there was ‘no possibility’ to manufacture antimatter bombs due to not being able to accumulate enough of it at high enough density, concerns are being raised.

Should science continue further?

It is believed by some that scientists, not just at CERN, are secretly working to find a more efficient means of storing the antimatter and releasing its energy - thereby creating an antimatter weapon of devastating force.

Or so it is claimed in conspiracy circles...

Scientists at CERN scoff at such allegations. All the antimatter made at CERN, if annihilated with matter, would only have enough energy to light a single electric light bulb for a few minutes they claim.

But what if scientists at CERN, like those scientists who worked on the atomic bomb, wanted to keep a devestating secret?

What we think we know…

The only ‘known’ technologies for producing antimatter currently is the particle accelerator which are considered to be highly inefficient and expensive. In fact, it is publicly claimed that it will take two billions of years to make an equivalent of the current typical hydrogen bomb at the current production rate of antimatter. But now that CERN scientists have upped the ‘anti’ what then?

Unfortunately the additional problem is the containment of antimatter. Antimatter annihilates with regular matter on contact, so it would be necessary to prevent contact, for example by producing antimatter in the form of solid charged or magnetized particles, and suspending them in a near perfect vacuum. Enter CERN and its super collider where particles are regularly smashed together at enormous speeds. The process is very slow and enormously time-consuming making the production of a weapon that could tear the earth apart - could it?- as extremely unlikely.

But what of space ‘out there’ our 'deepthroat' physicist asks. “Outer space is a gigantic super-conducting super-collider, a near-perfect- vacuum, that has been working for billions of years with all sorts of exotic materials.”

Perhaps though al-Qaida may not have to wait such a very long to time or go so far before it gets its hands on such a weapon. TheBigRetort can reveal that a recent Patent that we uncovered suggests that the clock is ticking on the creation of antimatter bomb. It follows research into the production of thermal antineutrons and antiprotons.

Because we believe it should be classified, and has slipped through the security net, we have removed the author' details. The patent is for a method for obtaining free thermal antineutrons by ‘trapping the neutrons' and producing 'antiprotons‘. The background of the invention claims priority to previous applications dating back to 2004, and to which we have also declined to publish further detail. The invention disclosure relates to ‘a new method for the direct production of thermal antineutrons and thermal antiprotons from thermal neutrons‘.

In terrorists' hands?

The theory predicts that a neutron that is cold enough to be contained by the interior walls of a suitable vessel may oscillate into an antineutron ‘without violating any quantum conservation laws‘. The applicants demonstrate that the art in this disclosure represents the first reduction of neutron-antineutron oscillation theory into practice. And if it fell into terrorists' hands it would spell the end for us all.

In the previous disclosure, the applicants referenced neutron-antineutron oscillation only as ‘a theoretical possibility‘. In other words, once the a population of neutrinos is trapped, approximately 50% exists in the antineutron state at any subsequent time.

But what if the theory became fact?

The patent goes on to state... The resultant beta decay radiation has a characteristic half-life of 10.25 minutes as the previous patent disclosure demonstrates. The trapped antineutrons decay by positron decay. Positrons are electrons with a positive electrical charge; in other words anti-electrons.

Positrons are distinguishable from beta particles because they will annihilate with electrons. In fact, the applicants' research demonstrates that these annihilation energy emissions exhibit a 10.25-minute decay half-life. This is the same half-life as the trapped neutrons demonstrated in the previous disclosure. The accepted half-life of a free neutron is 10.25 minutes. Antineutrons, presumably, also have a 10.25-minute half-life. In words put simple… one manifestation of this invention is a process that easily and economically converts free thermal neutrons into free thermal antineutrons. These antineutrons may decay to positrons, antiprotons, and neutrinos. The antiprotons thus produced have low thermal energy. A method that is described as ’new art‘ by the inventors. They add, “The ability of neutrons to undergo this conversion is a heretofore-undemonstrated prediction of theoretical physics. “

If the trapping of the antineutrons is ‘new art‘ then the ‘current art‘ permits collection and storage of thermal neutrons but not the trapping and storage of antineutrons. Now this has suddenlly changed...

Another manifestation of the invention is what the scientists describe as ‘fullerene containing a trapped antiproton‘. The possibility that neutrons may oscillate into antineutrons is a prediction of grand unification models in gauge field theories. As long as the electrostatic charge of a neutron is identically zero, this oscillation violates no quantum conservation law. It does violate one experimental "law," the conservation of baryon number. However there is no theoretical basis for this "law." And no published peer-reviewed observations violate it.

The deep energy well

The scientific paper goes on to reveal that a ‘deep energy well’ exists at the centre of this fullerene molecule. Following a complicated process, to our thinking at least, the patent applicants' believe this same mechanism traps simple hydrogen, and tritium in the centre of fullerene molecules. Like neutrons, they are all electro-statically neutral and they all have magnetic fields. “The applicants are unaware of any other art that can produce a uniform beam of high-energy neutrons and antineutrons.”

A ’deep energy well‘… what can this mean?

Is it actually now possible to form a beam of fullerene molecules containing trapped neutrons and antineutrons in a particle accelerator, such as that used at CERN? Once the accelerator forms the beam, it can ‘direct the beam ‘- into a cataclysmic power.

Antiprotons provide a variety of propulsion options for vehicles as diverse as submarines, aircraft, and spacecraft and so have positive contributions to make beyond weaponry. The potential power or thrust per pound is literally many orders of magnitude greater than current art chemical propellants and even current art nuclear propulsion technology can deliver. But, and this should not be understated, a uniform beam of neutrons and antineutrons at energies above those available in natural nuclear reactions can now be turned into a weapon of true ‘mass’ destruction.

TheBigRetort, having uncovered this shocking paper, hopes that the patent is removed - immediately.

[Editor nore. Due to the sensitive nature of this information we have not provided full details in this article.]

Germany Sprouts Ecoli: Nein not Sicks

2011-06-06T09:53:00.000+01:00

German diners may be both relieved and concerned that the recent E.coli outbreak may have been narrowed down to a single suspect - sprouts. TheBigRetort asks, were the warning bells ringing a decade prior to the recent outbreak?

If German sprouts do turn out to be the culprit responsible for 22 deaths (and climbing) German health watchdogs, may find it prudent to further examine a scientific paper that presaged such an event - over a decade ago.

The paper, which was published in January 1998 and was researched by a number of Japanese scientists, the National Institute of Infectious Diseases amongst them.

The group, using cultivation, immunofluorescence microscopy, and scanning electron microscopy, demonstrated the presence of viable enterohemorrhagic Escherichia coli O157:H7 not only on the outer surfaces but also in the inner tissues and stomata of cotyledons of radish sprouts grown from seeds experimentally and contaminated with the bacterium.

HgCl2 treatment of the outer surface of the hypocotyl did not kill the contaminating bacteria. Recommendation emphasized the importance of either using seeds free from E. coli O157:H7 in the production of radish sprouts 'or heating the sprouts before they are eaten'.

In other words... cook it hot. Or, in the German vernacular, 'nein' not 'sicks'.

CHERYL COLE BACK IN AMERICAN X FACTOR

2011-06-05T12:34:00.000+01:00

Have we been subjected to the S-factor? With reports in the Daily Mail that Cheryl Cole has been invited back on board X-Factor USA one wonders if the whole thingy was a complete set-up - masterminded by non other than that Svengali of the Tabs Lord Cowall of Hollywood.

One can but wonder how the sheeple out there fall for Simon Cowell's shenanigins.

But my how that angst-ridden look that Cheryl Cole seems to have perfected this week really hacks us off.

Is this the same woman who subjected wannabe hopefuls in Britain to her ‘professional’ judgement on that dreadful show that deserves no further mention? We mean... the X Factor. (Break that one down like this, X-F-Actor, and add the seven missing letters accordingly to the "F".)

There is nothing worse than a young woman, now a multimillionaire, beautiful yes, and spoon-fed success too, collapsing at the first signs of personal failure.

Don’t have her back Simon!

TheBigRetort: Failure is good. Success sucks.

GADDAFI WELCOMED UN TERROR COUNCIL INTERVENTION... IN 2009

2011-06-05T11:50:00.000+01:00

My how the sands of time 'flies' for dictators. It was after all only two years ago that Muammar Gaddafi, marking the 40th anniversary of the revolution which brought him to power, three weeks later addressed the 64th United Nations General Assembly at the UN headquarters in New York. TheBigRetort...

Since the world body was founded in 1945, the Libyan dictator opined, it had ‘failed’ to prevent or intervene in dozens of wars around the world. "It should not be called the Security Council, it should be called the "terror council," he said.

He claimed that sixty-five ‘aggressive wars’ had taken place without any collective action by the United Nations to prevent them...

Now, with the writing on the walls of his Bedouin tent, and intervention in his own internecine war growing daily, he must rue those words.

Failure this time around the UN terror council tells him, is not an option.

Lotte Mullan: Blogger or Blagger?

2011-06-03T13:49:00.001+01:00

It was recently reported in newspapers across the UK that a 26-year-old wannabe pop star turned vengeful blogger has won a book publishing and film deal that could net her personally more than £1 million. TheBigRetort investigates Lotte Mullan: Blogger or Blagger?

Lotte Mullan was recently catapulted to national fame with the news that, whilst working three days a week for Warner Bros Records, she wrote a series of seething blog entries that threaten to lift the lid on the industry’s wrongdoings.

Mullan paints a negative picture of the people with whom she came into contact.

Sweaty 'hugs' in the form of tit lunges by lecherous music execs lie amongst some of the claims. (Always go for their butts in our office.)

Failing to recognise her own vocal and musical talents, these powerful victims fall prey to her vengeful fingertips.

The story is to be published via a top London literary agent and is also to be made into a comedy feature film.

Lotte Mullan’s musings are said to have caught the attention of literary agent Julian Alexander of the Law agency. Jules apparently read the blogs, loved what he saw, and then quickly ‘signed’ the fledgling author - thereby catapulting her to Sex in the Ditty fame.

Curiously the company’s website does not list Mullan amongst its stable of writers. (Odd that.)

However, producer/writer Nick Moorcroft (St Trinian’s 1 & 2, Burke & Hare fame) described the forthcoming comedy drama as 'The Devil Wears Prada' meets 'Bridget Jones Diary' set in the British and American music industry. With both the book and film scheduled for release in 2012,

Or so it is claimed..

TheBigRetort asks ('cos no-one else has?), is it more blag than blog?

A film usually begins with that idea that begat the treatment that begat the screenplay that begat... Well, it’s like attempting to follow those family trees in Genesis (the Old Testament not the pop group), it’s a very, very, very long process. At the end of which, if the Red Sea finally parts, fame and fortune usually awaits.

Only it's the real world, and it is not always like that.

So we asked Mullan a series of questions, the answers to which may have assisted us greatly in clearing up some of those notes that were slightly, erm, off key.

The questions we put to Ms Mullan, a known serial self-publicist:

What dates were you at the organisations the blog is about. Where were you living at this time. (We wanted to publish a photo.) What period are the blog dates covering. Who is publishing the book, and what is the publication date. Who is producing and directing the film, starring in it, and what is its budget/release date.

Additionally, no background details could be found in the name "Lotte Mullan". We wondered if this was a stage name.

Unfortunately, having forwarded promotional material for her forthcoming tour (which we did not ask for?) Mullan - a self-publicist if ever - seemed remarkably shy in providing the answers. (She was born Lotte Allerhand in Norwich in 1984. "Mullan" is her mother‘s maiden surname.)

We received this curious, some might say rather telling and evasive, response: "I’ve given an exclusive to a publication with all these details so I’m not able to answer those for you just yet."

It was, amongst other things, the film's release date that we found curious actually ... that and the remarkable lack of information on the book and film 'deal' itself. This is what makes Mullan’s ‘rage‘-to-riches deal so, dare we say it, well, unconvincing. (There, said it.)

However, preproduction on some films can take from 3-6 months. This is then followed by filming which can take 2 months (for a quickie) or more depending on locations, etc. So, it’s a wrap!

Well, not quite...The post production phase commences, and the editing and scoring can take longer than the film itself, six months of spit and polish actually. 2012 seemed rather over-optimistic for the film's release... a fact that was not picked up by other reporters, who simply ran with the lines Lotte and her agent fed.

But… cut! cut! cut! There isn’t even a screenplay yet just a series of blog entries? As the esteemed former BBC producer Tony Dennis might attest (he of Band of Gold fame, etc), the endless rewrites of a screenplay can take much longer. If the project is given the green light - and that’s a big Hollywood -‘IF‘- drafts of Mullan's blog may take some spit and polish before morphing into a fully-fledged feature.

The guitar may need a bit of fine tuning... but was the novel/movie truly ‘firmed up’ - before it was fed to the national media? Or does Lotte, no stranger to publicity - her own - simply need some free air time for any forthcoming gigs? (She's moved on from schools now.) If so, and neither book nor film transpires, then Mullan really blagged the nationals. No doubt she will go on to charm those sell-out audiences.

And that is worth a lotta-lotta millions in our book.

[Editor's note. Lotte Mullan is soon to go on tour... we feel sure she'll tell you where and when.]

STRAUSS-KAHN: WHO IS HE REALLY?

2011-05-17T11:32:00.001+01:00

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, who is he?

It has been claimed that Dominique Strauss-Kahn (note the hyphenated surname) is the well-to-do son of Gilbert and Jacqueline Strauss-Kahn...?

Be that as it may, TheBigRetort can reveal in a recent genealogical trawl of birth records... no such named individuals can be found. It is almost as Mr Strauss-Kahn is sans verifiable famille.

No reports appear in a Google press search with regards to this nobodies' boy prior to 1991. Could there be a glitch in the Google time machinery? Is it because his real name is actually Giacomo Girolamo Casanova de Seingalt?

TheBigRetort can reveal that he may be neither a Strauss-Kahn nor a Casonova, just simply a "Kahn" - or some other? - in which case the American authorities should be equally interested.

An inconsistency in the defendant's pedigree may prove embarrassing to his defence team, and to the French electorate.

Watch this space....

THE MET AND THE MEDIA: WORKING TOGETHER FOR A SEEMINGLY SAFER LONDON

2011-04-07T18:10:00.009+01:00

Not so long ago, the website Police.uk was launched by the Home Office. Armed with statistics supplied by the various police services across the length and breadth of the nation’s crime spectrum, it was tasked with offering easy access to street-level crime statistics - right down to the road in which it operated. But... is it the truth and nothing but?

When the new London Overground emerged out of the north Thames mist hopeful residents lined the platforms for a looksee… and were bemused to hear a public announcement blaring: “Hockley! This is Hockley!“

In fact it wasn't.. But mention the area's proper name to any savvy Londoner and he or she usually develops cataracts - then comes the realisation: ’Bromley, ah yes!’

Described by lazy property hacks as suburban, “Brockley” - its actual name - is an “urban green“ high ground just 5 miles south-east of Charing Cross. It boasts spectacular views towards the City and Kent, and also offers desirable properties that in a downturn are still being snapped up by incoming professionals in search of that greener all-inclusive lifestyle.

And yet ten minutes by rail from London Bridge this verdant Brigadoon remains relatively unknown - which is presumably why it is repeatedly reported as south London‘s ‘best kept secret‘.

Brockley is a geographically commercially splintered satellite ‘village’ within the London Borough of Lewisham. Uphill of nearby Deptford - of which it once formed a part - the latter could, joined by more southerly Catford, form a sandwich - with “Brockers“ the meat.

It is sometimes also known under the postcode moniker “SE4”.

According to recent information supplied by the Home Office nine burglaries were said to have taken place in Brockley - in just one road alone - in December 2010.

Breakspears Road lies within its conservation area and was named nationally as the 7th worst road for burglaries in the United Kingdom. However amongst the data lies a puzzling “distortion” (due to the size of the sample provided no doubt). Why for example was just one month presented - December - and which date(s)? Surely important information on which the statistician (or member of the public) could make an informed decision.

Not so... When Brockley Safer Neighbourhoods Team (SNT) was approached by TheBigRetort the police drew a veil of secrecy around the answers to our questions; which were hardly delving into state secrets.

In just one example came the following quite puzzling police response: ”I can't at this point in time elaborate any further on detail… but will endeavour to clarify ASAP as much as possible. What I can do when able is to provide details of patterns to assist crime prevention, but I cannot provide dates and times for individual burglaries as victim support groups have expressed a desire to withhold this data.”

‘As victim support groups have expressed a desire to withhold this data‘..?

Remarkably, given Breakspears Road was named in the statistics as the 7th worst road in the United Kingdom, residents when approached claimed that they had not been informed of any burglaries.

In fact it was left to TheBigRetort to discover that a burglary “spree” had taken place... in five examples on Christmas Day. So why residents were never informed about this is really a bit of a riddle. That any information about the spree should be shrouded in secrecy is itself a mystery also in need of solving. Was this then what police were eager to hide from the public?

The SNT ‘sergeant’ requested that he not be named ‘in relation to any article you are preparing, or providing information which you refer for this purpose.’ He found the 'approach' - investigation surely? - ‘a little presumptuous’. He cheekily also asked for sight of any finished article before publication. The information he had supplied he later claimed was ‘off the record’.

Actually, we thought his approach was a tad presumptuous too. He had e-mailed responses which confirmed our suspicions that all was not above board with the Breakspears Road claim. Presumably we had delved too deep into burglaries that had taken place on his beat and over the festive season "spree". (No one had been arrested at the point of writing this article.) Previously inviting us to join the Neighbourhood Watch Group, prior to our forensic probing on the burglary issue that is, the SNT sergeant, happy to talk, now forwarded all queries.

The MPS Press Bureau (Southeast) is notoriously complex in its dealings with freelance journalists. There is a slight misgiving that its press officers run checks on ‘freelancers’ - which may not be lawfully endorsed - and then determine from these whether the recipient merits, (i) the vague response, (ii) the stall, or (iii), the no response at all. It also operates a ‘two-tier’ approach in the provision of information - presumably to separate the wheat (journalists on staff, also known as ‘takers’) from the chaff (the non-commissioned freelancer in search of the crumbs whilst being stalled at every post).

”They hate freelancers. They don’t now where you‘re going to publish,’’ my old demi-mentor the renowned journalist Pete Sawyer once opined when we were working as an investigative team at Punch Magazine.

Pete Sawyer’s warning was quite prophetic. Borne out time and time again in any dealings with the press departments of any large institution or company. The MPS Press Bureau (Southeast) was no different. Its officers usually adopted the supercilious tone reserved for freelancers. Spokeswoman Oya Dervish obfuscated throughout a one-way diatribe over the phone and seemed reluctant to assist. Neither did she return answers to the queries raised. She later wrote: “Following our conversation I was not under the impression that you were wanting further information from me hence why I have not been in contact with you.”

Her sermon went on: “The MPS has almost 53,000 points where crime can be displayed. It is neither practical nor a good use of staff and resources for every location to be checked individually so we are reliant on the NPIA mapping system automatically placing the majority of them.”

And on: "Lastly, should you wish to make a complaint you may do so by contacting my immediate line manager (deleted) or Borough Commander of police in Lewisham, Ch Supt Jeremy Burton's private office (deleted).”

In fact, Mrs Dervish did her best to feign a misunderstanding of any question raised, acting as if she had already provided the answers to those that were not actually raised.

Eventually “Whirling Dervish” referred us back to the Unnamed Sergeant who she claimed was ‘organising one of his team to provide you with further clarification around the Breakspears road burglary statistics (sic)’.

He never did provide them... Almost as if he had stared Medusa in the face, the Unnamed Sergeant had been reduced to a mute statue in Scotland Yard’s fifth-floor window. “We believe we know who is doing it. We just can’t catch them at it,” he stated in an unguarded moment about the burglaries. Perhaps the defensive stance is due to an ongoing police operation, or the fear of a beleaguered institution under what it sees as negative scrutiny. But then… why should any scrutiny surrounding the burglaries be ‘negative’?

Unfortunately, due to the machinations of the MPS Press Bureau (Southeast), aided by Dervish the dancing wordsmith, TheBigRetort is stalled. However, this silence may harm the Yard’s defence should it fail to mention anything that its officers may later rely upon in the court of public opinion.

COMING SOON… THE TRUTH THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING... ABOUT 'STATISTICS'.

AND THAT COSY RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE MET AND THE MEDIA? ARE HACKS SIMPLY SPELLCHECKING COPY WRITTEN BY THE MPS PRESS BUREAU?

UNION LEADER'S PHONE HACKED: TRANSCRIPT

2011-01-31T23:08:00.002Z

A transcript of a message left on the mobile phone of Bob Crow reveals for the first time that the Union leader has been hacked... by the News of the World.

Forwarded to us by the Metropolitan Police, it reads:

CROW: "Nobby here. Leave a message." [Beep.]

THE BIG RETORT: "Hello, Mr Crow. Is it true that you are England's number one striker?"

Christopher Jefferies? Vincent Tabak? YES, IT COULD BE YOU!

2011-01-29T16:32:00.000Z

Will there, one wonders, be any quarry stone left unturned with the public‘s right to know - in a dwindling band of countries abbreviated to the first letter - the surname of a person suspected of a crime?

‘Landlord, Dutchman, presumed innocent - until such time as a jury has fully deliberated - we hereby sentence you…err, with just one sentence.’

If there were ever any ethical rules in journalism then the Joanna Yeates murder suspects’ show trial suggests they may need a little spit and polish.

The recent grotesque phenomenon of national newspapers falling over themselves to name names does not have its beginnings in the McCarthy era, no sir. It is a new brand of ‘netfluenced’ journalism, the kind where the guilt or innocence of a suspect - or even the near bystander for that matter - are now so often deliberated on internet crime forums that democracies the world over no longer have control over what was once fondly termed a fair trial by peers. And national newspapers are tripping over dead bodies to beat them too, M‘lud!

In many of these armchair crime sites (where one’s peers’ sit in judgement of the privacy and rights of the citizen reduced to suspect) ‘presumed‘ innocent in the eyes of the law is one legal sentence that caves under the weight of a very common gossip.

Now, in the 21st Century, it is ‘online‘ inside unseen walls that the rights of the individual are hung, drawn and quartered in the stocks of cyberspace for all just men (and women) to mock, and they do so salaciously and with impunity.

One of the more bookish of such sites is websleuths.com. Here, internet detectives - some may call them ghouls - ponder over the likely guilt of an array of citizenry; whose only crime - in many instances it must be said - is to be unfortunate enough to be in close proximity to an equally unfortunate cadaver. Dirty fingernails? Blue rinse? Sinister smile? Yer guilty! Guilty! Guilty!

In fact these web-based anonymous finger pointers, whose postings are usually over the verge of libellous, indicate a need for a new breed of lawyer, one employed solely to defend the accused who stands in a cyber courtroom of innuendo: Rumpole of the old global computing network be upstanding in court!

In fact, if this does not happen soon the job will be left to web-based sleuths whose ‘brief’ seems to be to argue, not the beyond a shadow of a doubt guilt, but the hunch. And so anyone found guilty may be executed. But only in cyberspace, Your Honour!

We have all entered a digital age when a suspect will forever be held in penury in the gossipy walls of prison internet. We must all beware. We may all be upstanding in court.

THE STATIN FAD: F-ORGET A-NGER AND D-EPRESSION

2011-01-28T17:03:00.000Z

When TheBigRetort conducted an investigation into the increased use of statins in its office diet, it came up with a forgetful medical profession, and one possibly - how shall we put this? - in denial.

Having heard that the use of statins may bring possible side effects in some users we asked a number of doctors if the drug was all it was cracked out to be. Here, for the first time, is our explosive retort. And it is not for the faint hearted.

Me: Doctor, I keep forgetting things. I wonder... could it have anything to do with... these statins you've had me on?

Doctor: (smirking): I've never heard that before. What utter nonsense!

Me: Really?

Doctor: (laughing) Complete!

Me: (Pause) How about these bloody aches and pains I've been getting!!

Doctor: No need to be so aggresive.

Me: Sorry, it's the Statins.

Doctor: (smirking): Never heard such a silly suggestion since I started medicine last week. Statins making you aggressive - won't wash with the judge.

Me: I am a bit depressed of late too. I wonder, could it be...?

Doctor: Surely you're not blaming the Statins for your glass being half full, man! (Rolling about laughing.) I've never heard such rubbish! Stop being miserable, pull yourself together, and keep taking the stats! You'll live forever. Methuselah took 'em!

Me: What's the use of living forever if you don't remember who you are?

Doctor: Surely you're not blaming the Statins for your memory loss too! Next you'll be telling me that the Statin advice leaflet actually says that between 1 in 10 and 1 in 100 patients may get the following possible side effects: headache, stomach pain, constipation, feeling sick, muscle pain, feeling weak, and or dizziness?

Me: Err... it does.

Doctor: Rubbish! Neither is there an additional 'rare' side effect that may affect between 1 in 1000 and 1 in 10,0000 patients! Muscle damage! Severe allergic reaction! Inflamed Pancreas! Increase in liver enzymes in the blood! All tosh!. Next you'll be claiming that Statins also have very rare - possible - side effects in one in 10,000 patients.

(There's a thought... He has ten thousand patients which is probably why I have to book an appointment three years in advance.)

Me: But it says so in the, err, leaflet?

Doctor: What leaflet?

Me: The leaflet you have to read before taking the drug...?

Doctor: I haven't read the leaflet. Too busy. But others come here complaining of jaundice, hepatitis, numbness - tosh I say to that! I've no time for reading leaflets. I'm too busy being invited to seminars, in hot countries, with lovely sandy beaches, and five star hotels, drinks on tap, all paid for by the Statin manufacturers.

Me: Err, doctor..?

Doctor: Yes?

Me: Why am I here?

JO YEATES: DUTCH SUSPECT'S NEW LIFE IN ENGLAND

2011-01-20T20:33:00.007Z

VINCENT TABAK

The new suspect arrested following the murder of Joanna Yeates wrote of starting a new life in England.

Thirty-two year-old Vincent Tabak was born to the son of Gerald and Sonja Tabak in 1978 in Veghel in the neighborhood of Eindhoven.

In 1996 he studied at the faculty of Architecture, Building, and Planning at the Eindhoven University of Technology.

He graduated in 2003 from the group Design Systems obtaining the degree of Master of Science.

He worked as a people flow analyst for Buro Happold, a multi-disciplinary engineering consultancy in Bath.

The five-year thesis he completed in 2008 was dedicated to his friends, his extended family (via his sisters), girlfriend, and his father who died following an 'ongoing struggle with illness'. His son wrote in acknowledgement of his passing: ‘I miss you and regret that you are not able to see the end result of my PhD.’

After completing his PhD, in 2008, Vincent started what he termed his 'new life in England'.

JO YEATES; About time?

2011-01-19T12:53:00.005Z

Carrying on from my last posting into the abduction and murder of Joanna Yeates, isn't it about time? TheBigRetort...

The murder of Joanna Yeates in what was the spring of her life is we are told quite complex. Due to this complexity, and the mysteries growing out of it, time as dragged on and still no one person (or persons) has (or have?) been brought to book.

Only one person has been arrested, vilified by press and public alike, and subsequently not yet moved on towards a charge of any offence, and still police have yet to come up with, well... not a truncheon.

But, drawing back on the crimes 'complexity', what is one single fact in this whole sorry, awful, and desperate matter?

"Jo" is alleged to have sent a text message to a friend she hardly met at 8.20pm on that fateful 17th December. A night she did not want to spend alone.

The recipient claims that he did not receive it until 9.20pm of that date, at which point he responded that he was 'busy'. An open and shut case for an alibi then.

Well, not quite...

Not to wish to place an obstacle in the path of justice, but the belief that text messages -and even phone calls - should act as some form of alibi is shaky. Innocence is far from easy to establish based on text 'evidence' alone.

What do I mean? (And I did toss and turn thinking this one around as there is a veritable array of suspects.)

I sent my wife a text yesterday asking if she had received it. 'Yes,' came her response.

The time was 8.31.pm on the 18th January. Nothing unusual there then.

She was naturally puzzled about this too - and other texts that I sent during the experiment - but was accustomed to my forensic probing on several past crimes; one of which I had actually correctly identified the killer. (Police eventually told me that they were just about to nick him... on my third call?)

Joanna's murder, perhaps motivated by the Christmas Day discovery of her body, was another probe into the mind of a killer, and the suspects that flanked the deceased.

And there were many.

When my wife got home I asked to see her mobile...

"See," I said.

She looked puzzled...

But the text I had sent - on that same day - was recorded on my mobile as having been sent at 18.02 - the day before.

Only it wasn't... I simply changed the time on my own mobile phone before I sent the text. And it fooled her. (Which is was it was designed to do.)

In a later experiment, I sent a further text showing 8.20pm and dated 17th December 2010 - the night Jo disappeared.

This 'false' time-date that I supposedly sent the text was also recorded on my mobile phone too. (Naturally my wife's phone still recorded the correct time and date... but there was too a way around that particular obstacle.)

This experiment can be easily reproduced especially when one has control over both phones.

Indeed, due to this it is entirely feasible that Jo my not have been the author of the text. The timing on Joanna's 8.20pm, and the friend's 9.20pm, suggested a synchronicity too coincidental to ignore to me.

Two phones? Two timings? Two dates? All of which can be manipulated - after events that have already taken place -and by one crafty author. (Two authors, if we have a killer intelligent enough to be wary of police triangulation methods and so calling on an assistant.)

In one instance, actually working back in time, I was able to repopulate a text message that appeared chronologically in my records before the text messages I later sent. In other words... I had fooled the phone's memory and dropped my alibis back in time.

This text-in-time experiment was merely to seek reassurance that the A&S Police Service has seized all phone evidence, and compared the data on them to the actual itemised bills. Indeed I would ask, if not why not?

However, I feel certain that the police, hugely skilled in such matters, would have considered such nefarious behaviour and conducted all the necessary tests to eliminate one or more of the suspects. Because a missing sock and pizza and DNA and triangulation cannot halt a ticking clock.

But then neither can killers... can they?

Jo Yeates; REFLECTIONS OF GUILT.

2011-01-12T13:56:00.005Z

Eerily, at the Tesco checkout Jo is illuminated in the screen of a man who is also shopping nearby.

A reflection of guilt?

Was the man in the woolly hat next to Jo ever traced and eliminated from the investigation? He brushes past Jo, after previously taking a glance in her direction. If he has been traced and eliminated then these are the questions that I would have asked:

Isn't it likely that the person who killed Jo was

i. known to her.
ii. liked cider.
iii. liked vegetarian pizza
iv. was meeting her nearby, after pre-arrangement.
v. had a flat or vehicle in the vicinity (in which she was killed).
vi. was acquainted with the quarry.
vii. staged her abduction, after the murder, and 'dressed' her flat after dumping her body.
viii. lived in an area where a phone signal could not be obtained, or was distorted.
ix. was an old (secret) flame. Or....
x. secretely desired her over time at a 'close' distance .

THE WOW SIGNAL EXPLORED

2010-10-28T14:09:00.005+01:00

Somewhere in the cosmos a tiny blue planet receives an alien signal. A researcher writes "Wow!" Nearly forty years lapse. It quickly passes into legend and UFO lore. TheBigRetort investigates a mix of signals.

(Picture. The View at Hilly Fields. Copyright (c) TheBigRetort.)

In August 1977, a researcher with SETI - Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence - claims to have noted an unusual signal that is said (by some) to have emanated from a far-flung civilisation somewhere in the cosmos. The "Wow Signal" has entered the global lexicon but it was never authenticated and there is still to this day much debate about its alien credentials. Be that as it may...

TheBigRetort notes an infinite number of details that have expunged the down-to-earth facts in the telling and retelling of this interstellar tale, which makes it all really - rather - curiously... human.

'Curious' in that the computer printout contains a handwritten date; 'rather' in that it may have been inserted at a later date; and, 'human' in so many down-to-earth ways that the gravity of it all weighed so heavily that it caused us to pause and turn our telescope into a microscope. Why we wondered is there a lack of contemporaneous reporting of the discovery.

At that time, August 1977, the national press in the United States and the worldwide press appear to have been kept in the dark about the Wow Signal. Press recordings following the alleged discovery are absent, or even dismissive, too. Ohio State University publicly stated (twenty-nine days later?): “So far, several years of detection, have recorded no such listening, have detected no such identifiable signal, according to Dr Dixon’s latest report on his results.” (The Morning Record and Journal, Sep, 13, 1977.)

It appeared that 'Dr Dixon', the head of SETI, didn’t know what the ears were hearing. (Yes, technically it was the eyes that were doing the hearing.)

But why did Jerry Ehman, the researcher who wrote "Wow" on the computer printout, or SETI head Dixon, and other ‘listeners‘, consider the discovery not then worthy of any public notification?

The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence SETI [http://history.nasa.gov/SP-419/sp419.htm.] edited by Philip Morrison, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, John Billingham and John Wolfe, NASA Ames Research Center, is worth scrutiny. Under the heading “NASA National Aeronautics and Space Administration, Scientific and Technical Information Office, (1977), it states: [Para 8] “The first authentic signals will attract intense headline attention.”

Clearly, as the signal as curiously grown in strength anyway - we use 'in strength' as a metaphor - we ask why this would be so if it has not been authenticated - ever.

Perhaps because it has been stylishly promoted by SETI as a 'possible' signal from outer space.

Which of course leads one to ask a number of questions: at which date was the Wow Signal publicly reported? in which publication? and by whom?

One would have thought, following this statement and publication (presumably before Ehman’s Wow Signal discovery of August of that same year?) that the report would have been updated to include the Wow Signal. Why was it not included in an update?

Could the answer be that the Wow ‘discovery’ was never accepted in the first instance as authentic by anyone at SETI?

If so, why has it been apparently inserted into the history books at a much later date than the discovery was made?

[The report also goes on to state: “In addition to on-going radioastronomical observations, there have been several deliberate attempts to detect signals of extraterrestrial intelligent origin, all with negative results." [185] COMPLEMENTARY DOCUMENT 8 RADIO FREQUENCY INTERFERENCE. SP-419 SETI: The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence [229] COMPLEMENTARY DOCUMENT 12 SEARCHES TO DATE. [231]. ]

America likes to dream. It is the dream that led it into a nation of can-do-ers. It is that dream that moved it towards a United states and on towards building the mightiest nation on the planet. It is the same dream that put American boots on a planet we call the moon, a seemingly impossible task, then and now. It was also that dream that moved Americans to attempt what President Kennedy termed ‘all the other things’.

Did SETI foster belief in an alien dream in order that it could do the 'all the other things'? To do these other things did it need a signal from outer space? Did it attempt this by passing off the possibility of first contact? Did it know that the signal was of the earth, or near it?

The Saratogo Herald Tribune (23 Oct 1977) confirms the following: “ALTHOUGH their requirements for the initial program [a]re modest, the SETI scientists do have one priority - protection for the band of frequencies at which they want to observe. There is beginning to be completion for this band by planners of advanced navigation satellites, above others. Such satellites would broadcast so much noise they would ruin any search for extra-terrestrial signals, the SETI report warns. The band runs from 1400 to 1727 mega hertz.” The newspaper report also noted that it would ‘take international agreement to protect this band‘. An agreement that could not be sought until 1979 - at the earliest. [http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=tC0eAAAAIBAJ&sjid=Sb4EAAAAIBAJ&pg=1249,1022864&dq=seti&hl=en]

Perhaps the reports authors’ realised that the search up to that point and slightly beyond had been compromised. Therefore, SETI was, despite what its proponents now say - prior to any international agreement being in place - severely compromised by infringements into its bandwidth; certainly at the date of the Wow‘ Signal’s recording and (later?) discovery. Presumably the reason why its scientists were desperate to protect the galactic watering hole - apparently 1400 to 1727 mega hertz - around which all technological interstellar civilisations are said to gather (but have so far failed to do so). It should be further noted that the newspaper was published over two months after the alleged discovery of the Wow Signal - which itself remained unreported.

Unreported until much later… Not many SETI disciples realise it but there have been two Wow signals. It all began when, in 1956, a 26-year-old scientist named Frank Drake pointed a 25ft radio telescope at the Pleiades star cluster, 440 light years from Earth. He saw two spikes on the read-out that shouldn’t have been there. “It was a wow moment,” Drake, now a large, grandfatherly, pleasantly ironic individual, tells me. “I remember feeling a very strange emotion… it was the feeling, ‘Wow, this looks like an intelligent signal, there’s the evidence.’ The whole world is going to change.” [http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/science/space/article7050554.ece]

In fact, whilst the date the Wow was reported is a bit of a mystery - do you know? - did the Times reporter name the wrong discoverer, and date? Did he mean Jerry Ehman, and 1977? Why were two potential alien signals - decades apart - coincidentally carrying the preface “Wow!”? (Why not Gosh or Golly?) Coincidence, or what?

Lack of ‘same time’ verification and coincidences apart, and news of the greatest discovery of all time to one side, even if the Wow Signal had been reported at that time in some obscure publication somewhere on planet-E, SETI itself was severely compromised by the lack of an international (or national for that matter) agreement to protect its bandwidth.

Additionally, if we accept Jerry Ehman’s August 1977 discovery date at face value we still cannot possibly accept it being contemporaneous - it isn‘t. In fact, recorded on the 15th August 1977, noticed (at some point later) by Ehman, handwritten date (?) from the computer of the unmanned telescope written on it, ignored by the press (or kept from the press?), how extra special, extra terrestrial, extra whatever, did that make the SETI Wow?

Coming soon in TheBigRetort… The Wow Signal: Not that extra?

New planet discovered

2010-10-07T13:22:00.009+01:00

A science paper predicts that a nearby red-star system known as Gliese 581 is the likely candidate for an extrasolar habitable world. Two years on, the alien world is indeed discovered. TheBigRetort

The recent discovery of another pale-blue spot in space, which is currently circling a 'nearby' star system known as Gliese 581, has created a bit of a stir on planet Earth. But the real value is in how it was actually 'encountered'.

In fact as far back as two years ago physicists Rhett Zollinger and John Armstrong addressed the ‘possible’ existence of an undetected lower mass planet inside the Gliese 581 star’s Habitable Zone; due to what the two termed ‘the dynamical stability evolution of the system‘.

The pair compared studies of the three known planets in the Gliese 581 system.

Of these two of the three known planets 'C 'and 'D’ were located at the edges of what is euphemistically called the Goldilocks Zone. That's the zone where water is likely to be found - and therefore a habitable 'Goldilocks' - zone.

However, and what is even more interesting, Zollinger and Armstrong penned their paper two years before the planet was discovered - and in that same Goldilocks Zone. “Thus, Gliese 581 remains a good candidate for future detection of habitable Earth-mass planets," they wrote.

So, possible names? Zollarm. Zollstron.

The Apprentice: Sir Alan knuckles under

2010-10-01T10:25:00.007+01:00

Sir Alan Sugar may feel even he has gone a bit too far if he hires former Marine Christopher Farrell. TheBigRetort lifts the lid on the Knuckleduster Sniper.

Styling himself as ‘a former marine’, Christopher Farrell pleaded guilty to two counts of possessing an offensive weapon when he appeared at Plymouth Crown Court some years back.

When arrested Farrell was found to possess an extendable baton and a knuckleduster in his car - and was later branded a liar by the Judge.

Prosecutor Paul Frost said that around 6.30pm on February 3, police acting on a phone call visited Farrell's home and waited for him to arrive. His wife claimed he had hit her with the knuckleduster, drawing blood.

They searched Farrell's blue Mercedes for weapons. They found an extendable baton and a knucklesduster.

Farrell, then 28, told police they were there "trinkets" from his days in the force.

The former Marine had bought the baton in the USA and the knuckleduster in 2001 in Afghanistan, but claimed he had never used either. (Come on, in Afghanistan!)

Judge Francis Gilbert QC made it clear that he did not accept Farrell's explanation.

The beating of his wife with a knuckleduster brought no official complaint, and Farrell was not prosecuted.

In mitigation the court heard he was an ex-Royal Marine who had been bought out of his partnership as a financial services adviser and was about to start a new job. (Probably on the telly!)

Judge Gilbert said: "I don't believe your explanation that this was a convenient place to store trinkets, or that you never used them. Your wife complained that you hit her when you lost your temper." He ordered him to pay full prosecution costs and conditionally discharged Farrell for two years, warning him that he risked jail in future.

Sir Allan: You son are a muppit! You're---
Director: --Watch out, Srallan, what's that in his hand!--
Sir Allan: --Err, you're...hired...?

KEPLER: THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

2010-07-27T16:09:00.004+01:00

Many scientists in the United States and worldwide are furious that the space agency NASA has apparently allowed a small body of Kepler scientists to sit on data that may confirm if another Earth-like planet lies within 'lens' reach of our solar system. (That's anywhere light years away.) But could the leaking of the discovery made by the Kepler scientists be due to a simple glitch in the machine?

It has been argued that more time was needed for Kepler scientists to confirm the discovery of over 140 Earth-like exoplanets. Apparently the 'yearly' transits of these planets needed to be confirmed by additional research, an investigation that would, under Earth-like circumstances, take three years.

Apparently it takes our planet one whole year to go around the sun and back again.

It takes three such years then to confirm the findings?

Not so. Dimitar Sasselov, an investigator with the Kepler group itself - accidentally on purpose? - released some of the findings to a special audience at Oxford, England. It was Sassilov that suggested that over 140 Earth-like 'candidates' had been detected by the Kepler Telescope - which even before all the science is done is pretty Earth shattering.

And so the scientific community went supernova.

Sasselov and his team estimate that there are over 100 million planets that are 'Earth-like'.

We are not alone.

We are not so special after all.

But could the 'Sasselov gaff' really conceal a hidden agenda on a tiny pale dot?

The Kepler mission's ultimate goal is (i) to find Earth-size planets, (ii) at the right distances from their parent stars - which does not mean the same distance as Earth is from its star by the way - and, iii) at a distance where liquid water makes them a potential abode for life as Jim knows it.

But does that mean that we will have to wait three years to confirm the three transits of a planet in order for it to be considered Earth-like?

Well no...

'Earth-like planets' simply lie inside the habitable zones of their parent star. The habitable zone is the area where liquid water will be present - which just happens to be the distance where we are in relation to our sun. Please note though that other worlds do not have to be the same distance from their suns as planet Earth is from its sun. Most, if not all of these planets, will probably circle their stars in months and not years... and so the reason for the wait is that damned glitch.

The task of confirming these 'candidates' has been made extremely difficult due to faulty light detectors on the telescope. The problem was made known prior to the launch. And that's the real reason why the Kepler announcement on the planets' discovery was pushed back to February 2011. Not to give scientists a chance to study and publish: but to tweak. And the real reason why Dr Sasselov was allowed to speak about some of the discoveries is that the Kepler Team will be best placed to pip other scientists to the post by drip-feeding news of each batch of Earth-like 'candidates' as and when each glitch in the telescope is fixed. QED.

Professor Joan Ginther: Do the numbers add up?

2010-07-08T16:43:00.008+01:00

A Texan aged 63 has won at scratch-off card games every two years since 2006. In 1993 she also won a lottery bringing her total winnings to over $20m. Which is amazingly coincidental. But what if a seemingly ordinary person somehow managed to narrow the odds and beat the system, goddamnit? An American newspaper might say slim pickin's. TheBigRetort says...

Joan Rae Ginther’s luck began in 1993, when she won $5.4 million dollars on a game known as “Lotto Texas“.

Another win thirteen years later in 2006 netted her $2m.

Curiously, every two years since that date, she has won at scratch off games, two cards having been bought at her local store.

In 1993 she won $5.4 million; the odds: 1 in 15.8 million; in 2006 she won $2 million in a scratch off game; the odds: 1 in 1,028,338; in 2008 she won $3 million in a scratch off; odds: 1 in 909,000.

Her latest win in 2010, also a scratch off, was for $10 million; odds of winning: 1 in 1,200,000.

In fact experts contend that the odds of winning four lottery jackpots are about 200 million to one.

Only, what if she was a person good with numbers? What if a person good with numbers targeted a specific store to purchase a scratch card? What if... an investigation by TheBigRetort revealed that Joan "Rae" Ginther was a professor of maths - a former job she has not declared.

Ginther, a maths professor (something she has kept unduly quiet about) visited the store that sold an average of 1,000 tickets a day...

What would a math's professor visiting a store (in another state where her dad had died) want to know? How many tickets had been purchased? How many winning tickets? How big were the wins? What were the winning numbers over the, err, past 22 months say? Once the professor had all of the answers, which may take two years of doing the maths, then it's scratch off time. And another big win for Joan.

TheBigRetort pips Associated Press to the post on this one. [View link above, and compare the dates.]

VENABLES PREJUDGED: A GOVERNMENT COVER-UP

2010-03-11T14:14:00.002Z

Could Justice Secretary, Jack Straw, be involved in a gigantic cover-up? If so, he's going down... and not just in the eyes of the voter.

TheBigRetort has uncovered evidence which may suggest that the recent furore over the new identity of Jon Venables may be designed solely to conceal the possibility that he has ALREADY been convicted. of a serious offence involving children long before it was announced.

Just think it through for a minute....

Venables is amongst one of four people in Britain protected by what are termed ‘Mary Bell’ injunctions.

Bell was convicted of the manslaughter of two boys in 1968 and given anonymity after her release.

The recipients receive lifetime protection of their real identities.

It was recently reported in the Daily Mail that a ‘tight-knit group alone knows the new identity of Jon Venables. It operates in a culture of ‘extreme secrecy’, so even the arresting officers may not have known who they had in their cells. However, theBigRetort believes that fears that the recall could see Venables’ new identity being discovered and his life threatened because of fellow prisoners' suspicions about special treatment, is purely a smokescreen – designed to assist the Government in a gigantic cover-up.

What if Jon Venables has in fact ALREADY been tried and convicted under his new alias? What if he was ALREADY languishing inside a British prison when he was in fact ‘recalled under licence’ by a Justice Minister eager to catch up with a forgotten man?

Thought police aside, as our old mother would say, if true... it is quite an elaborate charade.

Could it be that Justice Minister Jack Straw, along with the Prime Minister Gordon Brown, hopes that a smokescreen of excessive secrecy surrounding the ‘recent arrest’ will buy the Labour government time?

Once it discovered Venables conviction (not arrest) it must have quickly moved to close down the ever watchful media.

If the serious allegations against Mr Venables can be dealt with AFTER a General Election it is highly likely that a voter backlash can be avoided, and Labour may be left to increase the secrecy once more.

Be that as it may (or may not) be...

It is likely that, if an arrest and conviction did take place - long before the Government announcement - the Government itself may not have known until after the new conviction was sealed: due to the excessive secrecy the Government imposed on Venables' new identity in the first place.

Confused?... you should be.

This would indicate serious failings within the probation service itself and with the government’s obsession in doling out new identities to violent offenders in search of a new life.

But, is it an obsession which allows Government to hoodwink the British public and justice too?

The questions that must be answered before a General Election...

Venables was already in prison LONG before he was recalled under licence… but why?

Why?

Coming soon in theBigRetort... secrets, lies, and spin.

Deslandes: The Police and Black-on-Black Crime

2010-01-19T16:08:00.005Z

The Sun newspaper and Operation Trident. TheBigRetort discovers the (black) gangland shootout that never was.

On the 1st January 2010, at approximately 5am, following a New Year’s celebration at a family owned pub, Darren Deslandes, a 34-year old housing officer, was shot dead by a black assailant. (His younger brother “junior” still lays critically injured in hospital fighting for life.) "Wild West-style shootout,” the Sun proclaimed in bold writing, with the usual nodding unspoken emphasis to the scum involved. [Sun report, since removed, http://tinyurl.com/yjb82y4.] Or so a lazy staff reporter intimated…

Far from being gun-wielding, drug dealing black street thugs, Darren Deslandes and his brother Junior were only armed with a good education and a loving family, one that had provided foster care for nine children. In fact Darren and Junior were (if anything) plucked out of the air by one piece of prima fascia 'evidence' that stands out on a three-pronged fork: they were black. And as a result guilty in the eyes of the law.

Apparently, hours into a new decade, the armed officers from the Met Police’s black-on-black gun crime task force Operation Trident were quickly on the scene. (Trident’s involvement may be found to be the root – should that be ‘route’? - of the later erroneous newspaper copy.) But the officers must have had their views coloured by what greeted them that night... A black assailant had fled the crime scene leaving Darren and Junior Deslandes dying from a hail of bullets. However, curiously, the two victims were immediately treated as “suspects” - a view supported by the Sun. But with one gun, and one single ‘assailant’, how could this be?

Surrounded by armed police, death and coma quickly stalked the Deslandes pair – along with that lazy journalist. The Sun informed its readership that one brother was dead and the other critical following the ‘gun battle’. [Emphasis added.] But with only one gun - and one perpetrator, who had fled the scene according to witnesses, how could there have been a 'gun battle'? The Sun also had “witnesses” (unnamed) who claimed they had actually seen the “two men” who "simply drew guns" (plural) and who “started firing at each other after a heated row”.

"These two guys just appeared in the street and started shooting at each other,” the Sun's witnesses negatively enthused. "God knows what it was about but it must have been serious if they thought the only way it could be settled was to shoot each other." [Emphasis to underline that no one knew what it was about or why they should shoot ‘each other’? And neither did the Sun.]

The Deslandes brothers had done no such thing. Darren died, Junior slipped into a coma, reputations tarnished, guilt etched on their black, bloodied bodies - and across the Sun newspaper too. How could this be was a question rightly asked.

However, the anger of the family and friends of the Deslandes brothers does not solely focus on the Sun’s reporting. It is rightly seeking both an apology and a correction for that. Remarkably however, it is claimed that the Operation Trident officers did not intervene to save the brothers due to what were termed, ‘health and safety issues’. They were denied medical attention for half an hour. Officers apparently blocked the ambulance crew from attending in case the pair was armed. One 13 year-old brother was taken into custody and questioned at length. According to a family friend, “They seemed eager to establish a drug or gangster link.”

But there was none.

In the Deslandes pub however the Sun newspaper was read and Operation Trident’s consent to police the streets - it polices London with what it terms ‘the consent of the black community’- was one that the family endorsed. But would the Deslandes brothers have been treated differently if Trident took a less three-pronged fork-tongued approach to what is a black-and-white certainty? Gone are the days when the police may investigate themselves.

DAVID CAMERON INJECTS BOTOX: OFFICIAL

2009-12-21T22:11:00.007Z

In a remarkable hush-hush scoop TheBigRetort has discovered that David Cameron, leader of the Conservative Party, regularly injects Botox in his forehead. (Chuckle.)

The hope is that voters at the forthcoming general election will be hooked...?

In which case the Old Etonian Toff has ironed out the wrinkles on an otherwise furrowed brow and transformed 'hisself into the Peter Pan of British no-policy politics. (Or is that the Peter Pan of English Botox?)

Gordon Brown stop smiling on the way to the polls.

OBAMA: SO HELP YOU GOD?

2009-01-22T11:32:00.006Z

As claims that President-elect Barack Obama swore a Godless oath in a (later) private ceremony at the White House are strongly denied, TheBigRetort asks, did 'they' collude in order to separate the Church from the States?

The official swearing in ceremony of the 44th President of the United States of America commenced later than usual, causing us to wonder if this may have been due to a 'problem with the Oath'.

The Twentieth Amendment to the United States Constitution, Section 1 states, "The terms of the President and Vice President shall end at noon on the 20th day of January... and the terms of their successors shall then begin."

But this did not happen...

Mr Obama eventually appeared (late) taking the Oath of office using Abraham Lincoln’s inaugural Bible, and as Chief Justice John G Roberts recited the Oath, this is what happened...

Roberts' stated, "that I will execute the Office of President to the United States faithfully" instead of "that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States".

Obama began to recite the Oath, then, sensing Roberts had got is wrong, paused. At which point Chief Justice Roberts attempted to correct his own mistake.

The wording is specified in Article Two, Section One, Clause Eight: "I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

Instead, Obama the wordsmith, continued with the mistakes that Roberts' had made... by misplacing the word "faithfully" at the end of the oath

So did this mean, that, following the swearing-in debacle, the United States of America did not have a faithful President in the eyes of God? Some seem to think so...

Chief Justice Roberts answered that question when he addressed Obama by the title of "Senator". Clearly, in his eyes, the seal of approval on a presidential 'nominee' must take place by the swearing of the oath prior to acceptance of that noble and esteemed Office.

The issue of suspension of the executive power is also enshrined in legalese. In 1916, the State department determined that "there may be a slight interval when the executive power is suspended."

Later several constitutional lawyers insisted that Obama should retake the oath... technically, he was not really President. In fact,'President' Obama did not have the constitutional power to perform any executive function 'until the oath of office was taken'.

The finding was based on a 1821 ruling. The Constitution only provides that the President shall take the oath it prescribes 'before he enters on the execution of the office'.

In the past there was an interval between the midnight of the 3rd of March, when the presidential term then started, and the noon of the 4th, when the oath of office was taken, an interval of twelve hours in which the executive power could not be exercised.

Fortunately the law is silent on the exact time that the oath should be taken, leaving it "at the discretion of the high officer", who could decide to take the oath on the first hour of his term in an emergency, or could defer the taking of the oath until the next day, if more convenient. Neither timing would in fact be deemed improper. Obama retook the oath the next day, at 7:35 p.m. on January 21 in the Map Room of the White House in a private ceremony

Again administered by Chief Justice Roberts, the ceremony was attended by a few close aides - without reporters present, and without the First Lady. More poignantly, without a Bible.

In other words the new President will serve in his office but not be under the ever-watchful eyes of God.

The Road to Damascus is a convenient route. Paul who was Saul was not the only leader to recognise the political advancement in taking it. In fact, the most telling information about Obama's presidency versus the "faiths" comes from an interview in which he then stated: "I am a big believer in the separation of church and state."

And what of that curious 'question'?

"So help you God?" the Chief Justice asked. But shouldn't it have been 'So help me God"?

By inviting the President-elect to display his faith and humanity with a question mark and a flutter this affirmed - in the eyes of America at least - that this was the man for the job. (The religious codicil is not required by law.)Obama responded he second time like the first: "So help me God."

But this time his hand was not on any Bible...?

[Pictured. The man who Appointed, Roberts and who told him what to say on the day. Note. Chief Justice Roberts suffered a seizure on July 2007 and took a fall, but 'there was no obvious physiological cause'. He also suffered a similar seizure in 1993, but as he had "fully recovered from the (second) incident," a neurological evaluation had "revealed no cause for concern."]

Base rate slashed to 2% record low

2008-12-04T12:25:00.005Z

At noon today, the Monetary Policy Committee (MPC) of the Bank of England slashed the Bank’s base rate by a full percentage point to 2%, matching the lowest level in its 314-year history, a low not seen since 1951. In fact, the base rate has never gone below 2% since it was founded in 1694.
[thebaserate.com and the-rate.com are for sale]

Immortality: secret uncorked

2008-11-29T13:21:00.005Z

The secret to living a longer life, or just a load of plonk? TheBigRetort pulls the cork...

Scientists claim that sirtuins, proteins, become increasingly important as people age. It is these proteins that ensure which genes should be “off” - and thereby remain silent as the ageing process continues.

Paradoxically it is these same proteins that are believed to repair DNA damage as we age. The critical protein controls which genes are off and on as well as overseeing DNA repair - and there’s the rub. As we age, chromosomes get damaged and the SIR1 proteins are finally overwhelmed. It is this activity that leads to the process of aging, not time itself which moves on inexorably, unconcerned by birthdays and mankind his or herself.

But can the aging process itself be slowed?

Scientists are beginning to suspect so; mice with more SIRT1 proteins have the improved ability to repair their DNA and prevent the unwanted changes in genes.

Resveratrol extended the lifespan in mice by 24 to 46 percent.

Remarkably previous studies have shown that Resveratrol, a chemical found primarily in red wine, helps activate the SIRT1 protein. The chemical reduces the degenerative diseases associated with the aging process (such as Alzheimer’s), and certain cancers could also be treated.

Unfortunately researchers claim that it is too early for people to start taking Resveratrol, but a glass of red wine at dinner is recommended. The question is, will we get old drinking it?

Domain Extention Notification Company Investigated

2008-11-25T12:26:00.005Z

A company that sends out domain extension registration requests prompting users to register a domain that they already own, but with a different extension (.us, .org, .biz, etc), is revealed by TheBigRetort as a scam.

The company styling itself "DNNP" request $75 for 1 year registration. However, the notifications, which appear as if they come from a registrar, are in fact culled from the WhoIs database - and is spam.

Not all domain registrants will be aware that it costs less than $10 dollars to register a domain name – for two years, rather than the one year offered by this $75 per domain a year scam. Many will have been ripped off.

848 N. Rainbow Blvd. #2333 Las Vegas, NV 89107, United States of America.

We can reveal that the company, which is based at the above address, appears to be sited in Las Vegas, but curiously has a New York City fax number -1 (718) 865-9120 - for payments and contact details.

DNNP employs legalese jargon in order to assist it in what appears to be an online scam. It reads, in accordance with the United States Legal Code ... "

A BigRetort... Online users have complained that once contacted there is no way to unsubscribe from the notifications, which are seen by those targeted as ‘unadulterated spam’. ‘Yeah, baby! Stick a fork in it and eat it up,’ one savvy poster wrote.

TheBigRetort can reveal that the Las Vegas address is in fact a mail forwarding address similar to MailBoxes, etc, and for $10 a month Mail Link is forwarding Domain Extension Scam mail. We sent the following response for an invitation to register THEBIGRETORT.US and THERETORT.US extensions:

“Thank you for bringing this matter to our attention. We could consider any person(s) acquiring the style 'thebigretort', in whatever form, as a dilution of our Trademark, Copyright, and also possibly a fraud and deception which would leave such a person open to criminal prosecution. We would also defend our brand vigorously in the UK and US courts. Please note, any third party involved in the sale or registration of such a style would be jointly and severely liable and damages would be sought. In addition, a claim of extortion under various criminal codes and jurisdictions may apply.”

Unfortunately our email to deenp8_2334@operamail.com‘ was returned under a delivery ‘failure notice’.

But don't fall for it, give 'em the finger, press delete.

[Note. The full header details of the email can be viewed below. The term ‘xxx‘ has been introduced by us to avoid further Spam.]

Domain Notification: This is your Final Notice of Domain Listing - THEBIGRETORT.US
Tuesday, 25 November, 2008 4:31 AM
From Domain Extension Notification Tue Nov 25 04:31:36 2008
Return-Path:

deenp8_2334@operamail.com

Authentication-Results:

mta121.mail.ird.yahoo.com from=operamail.com; domainkeys=neutral (no sig)
Received:

from 205.234.161.212 (EHLO host.31y.com) (205.234.161.212) by mta121.mail.ird.yahoo.com with SMTP; Tue, 25 Nov 2008 04:31:44 +0000

Received:

from nobody by host.31y.com with local (Exim 4.69) (envelope-from ) id 1L4paK-000105-4f for xxx. UK; Mon, 24 Nov 2008 23:31:36 -0500

To:

Xxx

Subject:

Domain Notification: xxx This is your Final Notice of Domain Listing - THEBIGRETORT.US
From:

Domain Extension Notification
Add sender to Contacts
MIME-Version:

1.0
Content-Type:

text/html;
Priority:

High
Importance:

High
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Message-Id:

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20271

AMERICA: VOTE FOR THE COON

2008-11-02T17:20:00.004Z

With little more than two days to go before the newly elected leader of the free world is chosen some Americans are STILL undecided about where the country is headed: to the past or to the future?

'I don't know Obama,' comes the lame riposte that some Americans offer when asked who they are going to choose.

A response that seems not only forked of tongue but 'color' coded too.

Indeed, many citizens of the free world, and those of the not so free, may wonder how anyone living in a country armed with a TV set, newspaper, or laptop, could not know Barack Obama. He's the black guy in the corner after all.

But, whilst we are at it, did America really know Kennedy? Did that same America know Nixon? Clinton? In fact, the skeletons in the White House closet have been covered in the palest skin and not knowing for some means not knowing the coon. [Unless he's serving at the dining room table.]

Mr President don't be fooled... the undecided always knew who they were going to vote for. They just didn't want you to know in case you won.

The Large Hadron Collider: Is it safe?

2008-09-09T11:50:00.005+01:00

A controversial experiment is planned to take place tomorrow that may signal THE END of the Earth. But could experiments like the controversial Large Hadron Collider (LHC) already have taken place? TheBigRetort investigates...and discovers that someone may have got the 'maths' wrong.

The LHC Safety Study Group studied the safety of the forthcoming experiment in 2003. It concluded that the planned experiments—there are a number of them--presented no danger.

The group focused on two phenomena, namely the possible production of microscopic black holes, the sort that suck you in and blow you out and create additional dimensions of space, which way is up?- and also postulated other exotic phenomena - the possible production of ‘strangelets', hypothetical pieces of matter. The LHC will reproduce, in the laboratory and under controlled conditions, collisions at centre-of-mass energies less than those reached in the atmosphere by some of the cosmic rays that have been bombarding the Earth for billions of years.

The ‘stability’ of these astronomical bodies indicates that such collisions cannot be dangerous.

The study also considered other hypothetical objects, vacuum bubbles, magnetic monopoles, and found ‘no associated risks’. Indeed, if anything like a microscopic black hole is produced at the LHC then it is expected to decay before it reaches the detector walls.

In the case of strangelets, their production in heavy-ion collisions will also present no danger.

In fact the LHC experiment is nothing new as far as nature is itself concerned. The energy created inside the accelerator is still far below those created in the Universe.

High-energy cosmic rays have bombarded the earth since its creation.

The LHC accelerator is designed to collide pairs of protons and pairs of lead nuclei. But their combined energies will still be far below those of the highest-energy cosmic-ray collisions that are observed regularly on Earth.

The LHC is designed to collide two counter-rotating beams of protons or heavy ions. When the LHC attains its design collision rate, it will produce about a billion proton-proton collisions per second in each of the major detectors. It will produce the equivalent of 116 days of collisions. So if the experiment where to run in this time frame, and they have got their sums wrong, life as we know it could all be over - in four months.

Fortunately nature has already conducted the equivalent of about a hundred thousand LHC experimental programmes on Earth already – and the planet still exists.

It has also conducted the same experiment on the Sun about one billion times – and the Sun still exists. Moreover, our Milky Way galaxy contains countless stars with sizes similar to our Sun, and there are countless similar galaxies in the visible Universe. Cosmic rays have been hitting all these stars at rates similar to collisions with our own Sun. This means that Nature has already completed what the LHC sets out to do tomorrow - only more cheaply. But there is one slight fly in the ointment that the safety experts seemed to have missed, and it's cosmic. i

What we see of our solar system and the Milky Way Galaxy, plus the galaxies beyond is already history.In other words, if Nature,or some 'thing' else, has created a similar experiment, then we may not yet see the catastrophic results painted on to the backdrop of our night skies. In fact,the nearest star system at Alpha Centauri lies some 4. 2 light years away. In other words, if a black hole sucked it up yesterday we would not witness its disappearance until after the 2012 Olympics. A sobering thought.

LONDON PUB GRUB AT ITS BEST

2008-07-14T13:55:00.010+01:00

Sunday is a special day in the calendar because it's usually spent in pursuit of traditional good pub grub. So is another London eatery going to be added to TheBigRetort list of the best 'roast outs'?

The Dartmouth Arms (pictured above), with its convivial surroundings seemed on the face of it like another great choice in an ever-expanding portfolio.

The pub had a welcoming front-of-house staff.

It was a sunny and pleasant day with light streaming through a central skylight onto what were quite relaxing surroundings. Perfect for a roast out.

But should that empty dining room have given a bit of a clue that all was not well?

Apparently the Dartmouth gets busier at 2pm. (Or so the waitress claimed, it was still nearly empty an hour later.)

The wine, an Argentinian malbec, was worth every penny. The gravy and lamb delicious. The problem: a very large (precooked) Yorkshire pudding and two gigantic potatoes.

The Dartmouth's problems lay with its vegetables. Whilst the lamb, which was delicious, had been prepared with some thought, little or none seemed to have gone into the accompanying veg. In fact the chef was having a bit of a laugh.

Extraordinarily bland, the potatoes (rock hard in places), were proof that life exists on Mars... if only you can dig through the damned quick-roasted permafrost.

The parsnips tasted like an alien life form that had lived through a billion-year drought, a strange rubbery undercooked before and after 'yuck'. 'Cook me! Cook me! For God's sake cook me!'

Although the potatoes may have commenced 'life' on Mars the parsnips had obviously been grown on planet Earth... on a Panamanian rubber plantation.

The greens? Perhaps someone at the Dartmouth had forgotten to pay the gas bill.

Waitress: 'Did you enjoy your meal?'

Me (dumbfounded): 'No.'

Waitress: 'Oh... why not?'

Me: 'Because it was bloody dreadful.'

The waitress took the criticism on board and didn't charge for the meals. So, to be fair, these are points out of ten in the Sunday Roast Challenge: 2

The Dartmouth Arms
7, Dartmouth Rd
London
SE23 3HN
Tel: 020 8488 3117
email: info@thedartmoutharms.com

Michael's Ashes: The Response

2008-07-10T13:50:00.007+01:00

Recently we delivered a startling account of the major failings of Eastbourne District General Hospital and its 'aftercare' treatment... of a dead man. Michael Morgan, 51, died in December last and was swiftly cremated on the instruction of hospital officials at 'EDGH': but without the family's knowledge. Following which, they asked for the ashes. Not much to ask given the circumstances one might think, however... it was a request that met with silence. Now, finally, the family has received a response, and it looks as if someone may have removed one of the branches of its family tree. An exclusive from TheBigRetort

In "Michael's Ashes" we highlighted the failings of East Sussex NHS Trust and its 'dead patient aftercare'... which was found to be a bit wanting.

When Michael Morgan died and his family discovered the death and cremation (nearly three months later and only via a chance encounter) Kim Hodgson, chief executive of East Sussex Trust, immediately went into emergency mode. She 'disowned' the family from the former patient claiming that it was not entitled to any further information about his treatment.

Kim Hodgson came to the job as chief executive amidst some controversy. We also saw huge parallels between the treatment of Michael's grieving family at the hands of seemingly uncaring bureaucrats to Ms Hodgson's own loss some time back of a pet dog called Blue.

The dog was stolen and (also) held to ransom and never returned. (We do not want to see that happen with Michael... Or his ashes at least.)

Various newspapers picked up on the piece which not only presented the family's plight but shone a light on East Sussex Trust itself. Following a series of catastrophic and sloppy blunders it failed to demonstrate its attempts to inform Michael's family of his death and later cremation.

Ms Hodgson is also responsible for the overall performance of the executive functions at East Sussex NHS Trust. The 'Accountable Officer', it is her job is to ensure that the Trust discharges its obligations such as patient care and aftercare -or so one might hope.

Instead, Ms Hodgson, presumably advised by expensive lawyers - at a considerable cost to the NHS - has previously ignored repeated requests by the family to hand over the ashes. So why the Dibben statement now?

Could it be the Healthcare Commission investigation? Or MP Joan Ruddock who has also taken an interest? Or the publicity? Whatever the reason, and the plot thickens day by day, if Michael's family had hoped to get a sympathetic ear - along with the answers in this sordid tale - it has now been quashed with Irene Dibben's response.

But Dibben's inability to follow her remit through 'effective communication' and also to 'appraise' her chief executive's actions should be noted.

In what must rank as a great understatement and salt-rubbing of wounds statement, Dibben wrote in her letter that she was aware that the response may cause the family 'further distress'.

Hello all brain cells! If it was a comedy they would be rolling in the aisles. But it's not, it's a tragedy.

So, cover up or cock up? You choose.

Coming soon in TheBigRetort.... We 'Deep Clean' East Sussex NHS Trust.

Michael's Ashes: Censored

2008-07-09T17:51:00.003+01:00

An article recently published in TheBigRetort, highlighting the case of a family that has been attempting to get a hospital to release their loved one's ashes, has disappeared from world-wide-web search engines. The only one to do so in our buried news series.

The article, Michael's Ashes: Money To burn, created a bit of a stir.

Michael Morgan, 51, died at Eastbourne DGH. However, as highlighted in the article, Mr Morgan's family in Liverpool was neither informed of the death or the subsequent cremation. Three newspapers carried the story.

East Sussex NHS Trust now refuses, through its CEO Kim Hodgson, to release the ashes to the family.

As reported in the exclusive, Joan Ruddock, MP for Lewisham and Depford became involved in the case when Michael's own MP, Nigel Wateron, declined to get involved. Ms Ruddock has written to the hospital Trust calling for an explanation.

TheBigRetort will bring you more news on the disappearance of the article, and further developments in the Michael's Ashes saga.

For further see article below...

MICHAEL'S ASHES: MONEY TO BURN

2008-07-03T14:12:00.032+01:00

Michael Morgan, aged 51, of Liverpool, died at Eastbourne District General Hospital in December 2007. Nothing unusual there... people die in hospital all the time. However, within two weeks his body was cremated: without his family's knowledge. In fact no one had told them he was dead. So why, seven months later, does East Sussex NHS Trust, refuse to hand over Michael's ashes to his family? Has it got money to burn? TheBigRetort investigates

[Pictured above, Kim Hodgson, CEO of East Sussex Trust.]

First, a bit of backstory from Cousin John…

"My sister called and told me that our brother had bumped into a friend of Michael's in a Liverpool bank queue who claimed he had died and been cremated - 'three months ago in Eastbourne'."

Of course it was a huge shock... the family had not even been told that he was ill.

John, a freelance investigative reporter, decided to establish the facts before calling Michael's brother in Australia.

The announcement had been published by the Eastbourne Herald Group on the 14th December 2007. Significantly... nine day after Michael's death the decision had been taken to cremate him, and made no mention of his family.

'Michael Morgan. Passed away on December 5th 2007, aged 51 years. Will be sadly missed by his friends. Funeral service will take place on Thursday, December 20th 2007 at Eastbourne Crematorium, Family Chapel at 10.30am….'

The announcement also contained the name ‘Serenity’. However, based in Eastbourne, the funeral home would not confirm any more details; other than to acknowledge that Michael’s ashes had been awaiting collection: for nearly three months.

---------------------------------------------------------
"Michael had died - with no notification to his family by the hospital – and had been cremated; his remains left sitting on a shelf in Eastbourne, for three months!"
---------------------------------------------------------

"I was passed to the Bereavement Office at Eastbourne District General Hospital (DGH). Pat Jones, bereavement officer, seemed 'pleasant but surprised' by my call."

Ms Jones claimed to John that she had attempted to reach the family, which hails from Liverpool, but had assumed that they were untraceable. Jones appeared helpful but vague.

In fact, Jones, a bereavement officer attached to Eastbourne DGH, refused to divulge how Michael had died. (She claimed that this was ‘due to the Data Protection Act’, but the Act doesn't cover dead people.) Although Jones had a death certificate in front of her she suggested that John, with his family waiting for further news, should apply for the death certificate himself.

"Given the circumstances, this did seem rather odd. I mean, she had it in front of her, why couldn't she just tell me what it said?"

Why indeed? It may have saved the family further trauma. As it was Friday John had to wait before applying for the certificate and it took some time, which only added to the trauma.

Remarkably, whilst awaiting the death certificate - which took over a week to arrive - John was surprised to receive a letter from East Sussex Hospitals NHS Trust. It was dated the 3rd March, and was from the 'patient Monies Officer'. It was, how shall we put it? Well, let's just say that tea and sympathy do not lay amongst the job spec of an East Sussex Hospital NHS Trust employee.
---------------
The letter stated: 'At the time of his death, we were unable to trace any family and therefore The Trust paid for the funeral which amounted to £1,091.88. We are trying to recover our costs in this respect and should the family wish to make a donation towards the funeral it would of course be gladly accepted.'
---------------

So, let's recap… Eastbourne District General Hospitals Trust failed to notify the family of Michael's death, cremated his body - he being Roman Catholic - and then sent the family a request for a donation towards costs; costs it may have avoided had it contacted the family in the first instance, and certainly before sending the body up in smoke.

Oh, and yes, East Sussex Trust further exacerbated what was surely a delicate matter by refusing to say what their patient had died of, which does seem remarkably callous. Instead it used the Data Protection Act as if it was the ace in a game of poker. But why?

Although Ms Jones would not divulge the cause of death herself she was kind enough to give John the name and number of a man who could. A friend of Michael's had liaised via the phone with the hospital whilst Michael was ill, and after the death had also forwarded a eulogy. "He was 'nominated' next-of-kin by the deceased on admission," Jones informed.

In fact John remembered the name. "Frank was a good friend of Michael's and had known him from his schooldays. It was hoped that he could - despite the Data protection Act - tell me the cause of Michael's death: and perhaps, why the family had been seemingly forgotten."

The only family member mentioned was Michael's who died in 1976. His brother in Australia and sister, nephews and nieces and cousins in Liverpool were not mentioned in Frank's eulogy.

"I draw to a close now by thanking the pastor for these words on my behalf... The staff as bereavement district general, serenity undertakers, nursing at eatbourne general too. GREER, OLSEN AND KARLSONN and BETTS families home and abroad. DAVID and Robbie again."

And these words could not possibly endear their author to any grieving family.

Frank was the same individual who had pulled John's brother out of that Liverpool bank queue and delivered the shocking news in what was just a chance encounter. "Mick's dead... He’s been cremated," he said.

His words were to reverberate from Liverpool to London and half way across the globe ‘down under’ to Australia where Michael's brother Eddie had been residing for ten years.

Frank became upset at talking about the death and felt that John should speak to his cousin, David, who actually lived in Estbourne and was there whilst Michael was ill and dying. (Frank had never visited the hospital himself, nor was he present at the service, or cremation.)

However - the number Frank gave John belonged not to his cousin, but his cousin's secretary. It was a mobile and it switched to answerphone. John left a message but when he never received a response he contacted Frank again.

"Frank did not actually like being questioned over the telephone he insisted that I conduct future communications by email."

All very mysterious. Unfortunately Frank only looked at his emails ‘from time to time’ and this did not help matters much.

We should stress that the following is not representative of any statement made by East Sussex Hospital NHS Trust, which still remains silent on the subject, and forms Frank's opinion only.

'...his voice was extremely gurgly. like he was drinking and talking at same time, I COULD HEAR IT ON HIS CHEST......" Frank wrote, often in the upper to lower case pattern. Apparently Frank phoned the hospital, 'EVERYDAY FOR THE MONTH HE WAS THERE.'

Although East Sussex Trust would not provide this or other information we now know Michael was hospitalised for a whole month. (During which is family was not contacted.)

Frank continued his email…

'...he did not want family to know,he named me as his next of kin and said I WASHIS COUSIN, for what reason I do not know , he was adamant no-one should know , I TRIED VERY HARD TO GET HIM to contact family , he refused point blank.TOTAL REFUSAL.'

So Michael named Frank as his next of kin… However, he did so, in his words, because 'he did not want his family to know' that he was ill. (Michael’s family had suffered a lot of tragedy in the past and it is likely that he was saving them from any pain.)

Frank was in constant contact by phone during the month Michael was in hospital and he also liaised with a 'personal nurse'.

"I TOLD HER HOW UNCOMFORTABLE I was that Michael insisted no contact with family....'YOU , must realise...,and anyone else I HOPE IS READING THIS, THAT "i" WAS SUDDENLY DROPPED IN A SITUATION , BY MICHAELS STUBBORNESS.......BUT, a dying man is not someone I would refuse a request...even if I did'nt agree with it. I tried coaxing names and adresses out of him over a few days , he wanted to be healthier before anyone was told , he was also embarrassed at no contact , probably some guilt too? The simple fact of rule here ,was , if a patient tells a SOCIL WORKER no contact , thats it , cant make him, cannot!"

‘Michael’s stubbornness’? ‘A dying man’? ‘He wanted to be healthier’? As John studied these statements he wondered if there was something that the hospital may have missed in its haste to have his cousin cremated. At least he had discovered that Michael was 'embarrassed' by no contact with his family, and felt 'some guilt too', and it was due to these reasons that he, personally, did not pick up the phone.

"I had been speaking to Michael's brother Eddie just before Christmas. Both of us were really annoyed that Michael had not made contact. Now we knew why," said John.

Unknown to the family, Michael, dying, was soon to be reduced to ashes.

But how could 'a dying man’ want ‘to be healthier’? It was frustrating trying to get to the bottom of Michael's story...

This, together with other comments in the emails, suggested that Michael did not know that he was in fact dying.

"Michael apparently had emphysema, a lung complaint. A lifetime heavy smoker, I used to nag him predicting his likely end. Apparently though, according to the emails, the diagnosis lasted ‘two to three months’ and was initially missed by his doctor – ‘these things happen’ (Frank said in his eulogy). However, when two tumours formed; one on his neck and the other near the brain, the end came quite quickly."

The above was not 'official'. It came via Frank. And then from his cousin David. Apparently he had encountered Michael in the street. Quite thin at the best of times, Michael had lost 2 stone in weight. David, with Frank 'over the telephone', coaxed him into hospital. But it was too late.

However John grew concerned by a statement that Frank made in his emails which suggested the family had been ignored entirely: 'I , REQUESTED michaels ashes NOT to be scattered and they are stored,IN MY NAME TO COLLECT.'

After John questioned Frank further about this and other statements, and about his and the hospital's failure to contact the family, the ashes left sitting on a shelf, Frank then became personally affronted and abusive in his emails.

Later John received phone calls from various organisations in Eastbourne; a hotel manager, a death registry office manager, a park's manager, all claiming to be in receipt of abusive 'notes' which carried his name and email address. It was, he says, 'most bizarre'. He forwarded the details to the police.

Frank finally wrote in his last email: 'Having sought and taken advice on that verbal monologue "of shite"Which you cringingly forwarded to other family members ,WHILST YOU HIDbehind distance.....Also , having contacted various depts in Eastbourne , including police , Ihave become aware of your actions , telephone diatrades , plus insults tostaff , quite a spiteful individual......I'll have a reply , though nothing of the length of yours...it's not overlyneeded , I BECAME AWARE , of your "other side " early on in E-MAILS...?I expected a "turn" and it came ....saw it quite early.You truly get carried away don't you ? you should be carried away ,literally , and sedated....' He went on to say something that disturbed John greatly, 'You appear not very polite to staff in eastbourne , all woman too ?vI am advised to advise you , never to contact me again.'

Someone at the hospital had divulged John's private conversations. In fact, it was only following a later reply from East Sussex Trust that he accepts he may have been 'determined' and 'not very polite'- but to Kim Hodgson only. Ms Jones, speaking with Eddie who later called from Australia, did say John was 'difficult', and so he believes the statement is linked back to Jones - 'full circle'.

But 'difficult'? If a probing mind can be termed 'difficult' then John the investigator was certainly that.

"Someone tells you that your loved one died - three months ago - refuses to say how, cremates them, doesn't notify you, then asks for a 'donation' - how would you be?"

However, not only had Frank closed the door on further discussion, he had confirmed a nagging suspicion in John's mind: the hospital was not being entirely helpful. Could it have been hiding something he wondered.

Although Frank claims that he had placed an advert in the Liverpool Echo - 'in 2 separate nights' - he also claims that he placed Michael's details in the Catholic Parish letter 'sick list', which had been delivered to 7,500 addresses in Liverpool. 'Anyone read in the family.....?' he asked mockingly. Apparently not the Liverpool Echo death list, or the Catholic Parish Letter.

In addition, Frank claims that Michael phoned him on 5 separate occasions from a call box downstairs in the hospital foyer; 'The last time at 3.30 approx, the day before he died.' He said Michael was 'content and talkative'. On the other hand...

Pat Jones, bereavment officer, said to Eddie in his call to her that... towards the end Michael could only communicate by writing.

Following Frank's request, John stopped liaising with him and decided to wait for the death certificate instead; at least it would be 'official'. (When it finally arrived it recorded that the cause of death was (a) Cardiorespiratory Arrest and (b) Anaplastic Carcinoma Nasophoghy with Extension to Middle Cranial Fossa.)

Fortunately there is, as they say, more colour to the story…

With the stance taken by Frank, John quickly found himself caught between a bureaucracy guarding its secrets and a friend of Michael's, who had passed himself off as a distant cousin, and who seemed annoyed by every question.

After approximately three weeks of emails to the East Sussex Hospitals Trust for the answers to various questions, John made a subject access request under the Freedom of Information Act. Kim Hodgson, chief executive, responded:

'I should advise you that the information requested comes under the Data Protection Act and we are therefore unable to disclose this information as you are not the designated next of kin.'

Not the 'designated' next of kin? John was surprised. He was representing Michael’s brother. He was also Michael's first cousin.

Coincidentally Hodgson’s letter followed a request for a breakdown of funeral costs. Apparently these differed from those given by the funeral home: in fact the hospital costs were almost double. Of course there may have been a perfectly reasonable explanation... but John was not to hear any. The Trust remained resolutely silent on this and other issues.

John also wanted to know if any official had received any remuneration for Michael's cremation.

Such payments are not illegal and are euphemistically known as 'ash cash'. John was concerned that the ash-cash system may have acted as a disincentive to find the true next of kin. (If Michael had left a will this in fact would have been the normal procedure.)

In fact, although Pat Jones would not tell John what it said on the death certificate he was surprised to see her name recorded as informant on it; and her job description that was given as 'causing the body to be cremated'.

"I also wanted to know, following past events at other hospitals across England and Waled, whether any body parts had been 'taken'."

East Sussex Hospitals NHS Trust instead hid behind the Data Protection Act and Michael's friend Frank, whom they appeared to elevate to a position that usurped the family's. It did so by not only using Frank, but by employing an Act that does not cover dead people, and its behavior is, undoubtedly, suspect. Why if the family was not 'designated' did it receive that request for a donation?

Although the hospital refused to respond in writing it did issue assurances (via the phone) with regards to the body parts. "We don’t do that," Ms Jones said affronted. However, given the East Sussex NHS Trust’s readiness to employ the Data Protections Act as and when it suited, may we have that in writing p-l-e-a-s-e?

The silence that followed was deafening and yet it spoke volumes...

Although CEO Kim Hodgson refused to answer the above questions - due to the Data Protection Act - (the Act as stated previously that does not cover dead people) the request for information on the Trust's attempts (?) to find Michael's family is worthy of note... there wasn't any. If there was then the information about the search for the family is the family's information. So why not release it?

In addition, the rights of a person deputised to look after the rights and needs of a living patient do not override those of the deceased's family. So why the current stance?

Well, John did tell the hospital that the family was going to have the ashes tested. Could this be why they refused to hand them over?

"It's anyone, if not all of several possibilities," John and Eddie concluded. "But in truth we are grasping in the dark with sunglasses on."

But how did the East Sussex NHS Trust allow the matter to descend into what now seems like a legal and moral nightmare?

Pat Jones of the Bereavement Office claimed that Michael, with a tumour pressing against his brain, was living 'in squalor'.

Most of his belongings were eventually placed in a skip by the council, including family photographs stretching back generations. (Frank told John that he may be in possession of some items. He had also applied for a deposit that Michael had placed on his flat but without any luck.)

East Sussex NHS Trust, not quick to see the contradiction, wrote, 'The hospital does hold a mobile phone, a pocket watch, a passport and a birth certificate... which we would be pleased to release to a family member.' [Emphasis added.]

A CASE OF NOW YOU AINT NOW YOU ARE... AND NOW YOU AINT AGAIN.

True to form, along with the ashes, the East Sussex NHS Trust ignores requests to hand over even these items. Ironically though they may have led the hospital to Michael's family. Evidence then that nothing was done?

Instead, Pat Jones, bereavement officer, the one who was charged with 'causing the body to be cremated', claimed that she had attempted to contact the family via the Merseyside Police. However, this has little resonance. With its modus operandus of conveniently dodging the 'awkward' questions, the East Sussex Trust has a few question marks over its bereavment management, and its morals.

"Our family is still in Toxteth,' Eddie said. 'It's not that hard to find us... And if they did try to find us why don't they prove it? Instead they are now saying that we can't have my brother's ashes. It's disgusting."

In order to confirm the claim made by the hospital, John also requested evidence that Michael filled in a box on admission with the name of his 'telephone friend'. However, East Sussex Hospitals NHS Trust steadfastly refuses to produce it.

John thinks he understands why... When I initially spoke with the hospital they said that the box was 'empty'."

Whatever the truth, East Sussex Trust's (silent) refusal to release Michael's ashes in order that they may be buried alongside his mother in Liverpool ensures that the "Eastbourne Scandal" will remain for some time a topic of some discussion; certainly in Michael's hometown of Liverpool.

Unfortunately requests for the release of Michael’s ashest continue to go ignored; and they, if indeed 'they' are his, still sit on a shelf at Serenity, the Eastbourne funeral home. Additionally, further requests to the Trust's media office have been referred back to CEO Kim Hodgson's response, and so the stable doors are firmly closed on the family. But not quite...

"Michael must be returned to Liverpool and laid to rest with his mother. We as a family - wherever we live - are determined. Liverpool was his birthplace. He always thought of himself as a son of Liverpool... And Liverpool will be his resting place," John states.

Ironically Kim Hodgson is herself a strange nemesis... Probably one of the most photogenic CEOs in the United Kingdom, in 2006 her dog, a rare Weimaraner-cross puppy called Blue, was held to ransom. The crooks demanded £2,000. Hodgson slammed the police investigation into the theft for ‘not progressing quickly enough'. Then aged 39, Hodgson, who was given the top job at East Sussex under some controversy, said: "When I phoned the police they didn't take it that seriously. They said 'it's just a dog' to my face. She's not just a dog to me.... If it was a child I am sure they would trace it quicker than this. In some ways," Hodgson told The Argus (and this is a cracker), "if Blue was dead it would be better, that's because I would have closure."

What does John say?

"If Kim found closure in any sense we do not know. But the parallels - and the hypocrisy - cannot possibly go without comment: it is 'closure' that we - Michael's family - seek too."

Perhaps if Michael had been a ‘rare breed’ then Hodgson may have been able to empathise. Who knows?

"Heads or tails, cuz?" Michael used to say to John.

Heads indeed will roll, eventually.

-----[Below, Michael during happier times in Liverpool with friends.]

Michael Morgan was born in 1956 in Liverpool (where he often made his family and friends laugh), and he died at Eastbourne DGH in December 2007. Formerly a merchant seaman he loved the sea, and the River Mersey. He was a ‘rare breed’ and will be sadly missed.
---------------------------
If you would like to sign TheBigRetort condolence book with thoughts or comments then please do. If you have had a similar experience at the hands of the Eastbourne DGH or the East Sussex Trust, or know (or have known) any of the persons involved in this report, then please get in touch (in the strictest confidence).

BARACK OBAMA: WHY HE SHOULD BE PRESIDENT

2008-06-18T14:55:00.005+01:00

As the child of a black man and white woman Barack Obama is often (simply) referred to as 'black'. A description that will one day serve to display a time of ignorance - because Barack Obama is much much more.

"There is not a black America and a white America and Latino America and Asian America - there's the United States of America," Obama once wrote.

However, note in the above paragraph from his book The Audacity of Hope that there is no capital letter on black and white. In fact, neither is a nation, and neither is a culture. Obama, born between the two, has already made the journey and knows this. And, although many in the US have leaned heavily on 'skin' difference for quite some time this presidential candidate - if elected - would help a young nation recognise that any 'difference' between them is countered by that which unites: America.

Meanwhile, in 2008, a fledgling nation stands at the crossroads. A presidential candidate, born in the racial melting pot of Hawaii, with a half Indonesian sister, a brother in-law and niece of Chinese descent, with blood relatives who resemble Margaret Thatcher, and others who could pass for Bernie Mac? America, you decide.

But before you do: ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.

"Adleech" parasite leads to Russia

2008-06-17T12:45:00.013+01:00

An "Adleech" parasite - not to be confused with Adsense - is currently swamping the wordldwideweb in unsolicited ads, is growing, and looks set to change the web as we know it- in fact authors are downing their quills and just saying a Big Nancy Reagan to Adleech. In other words, "No". So what is Adleech and from where does it come?

Adleech is a term we coined in a previous posting. It is used to describe those annoying little ads that have started appearing alongside articles posted on the web via various Blogs and Websites. (Just Google "thebigretort" and you will see what we mean. The ads promise to deliver an article via a hyperlink, but when a reader clicks on the link s/he only discovers a one-page ad with no content other than 'Mp3' hard sell riding on the coat-tails of the main article.)

A list of domains with unsolicited ads attached to TheBigRetort is currently growing, and, although we are happy to see our Google presence rise (due to the work we put it), we are not at all happy to be associated with the current campaign. (In fact, our opinion on Adleech can be gleaned from part of the title we created. And, for the record... TheBigRetort does not receive any remuneration these links. Save for those ads listed on our site we do not sponsor links in this manner.)

We have for some time now seen a growth in a readership from Brockley to Beijing. And it is one for which we work tirelessly, endlessly, long into the night, and for very little - if any - remuneration (hint-hint). However, when we discovered some unwanted parasites in Moscow, we just had to take a closer look at who was sticking the nuclear finger. Was it Putin? Could it have been that nasty old KGB? Or was it ... Agent "Dmitry"?

The administrative contact for the majority of the domains that were causing us such a headache were registered to one "Holes Dmitry". However, emails to Agent Dmitry remained unanswered. Dmitry, in short, was an elusive twat. He had also registered other domains that he had then gone on to attach to our articles, which also made him a right C U Next Tuesday too.

A list as long as your arm were registered via ESTDOMAINS, INC - MP3SKYLION.COM, MP3LOOPUP.COM, MP3CARZ.COM etc. However 'Konstantin' of Estodomains blaimed the hosting company. (A contact email for the hosting company was also given.)

But Dmitry wasn't alone... Others, like Dmitry, had shielded their identities through a company styled "PrivacyProtect.org". Supposedly based in the Netherlands, PrivacyProtect.org led us to a company styled "Directi". (It goes on.)

The companies are the creation of two brothers based in India. Bhavin Turakhia was very helpful actually and promised that someone 'from my team will shortly connect with you and provide you an appropriate response. we are known as a white hat registrar and are very very strict w.r.t our abuse prevention policies.'

It is fair to say that due to Bhavin's intervention we not only had confirmation that Directi and PrivacyProtect.org were connected, but our complaint was also then fast-tracked. (A link between these two companies (and others) was established by the most excellent DomainDetectives.net. Another company that doesn't answer emails but is quite remarkable in its pursuit of identity shielders.)

The identity shield was later removed, and the identities of adleech sites owners was 'revealed' - in as much as 'Dmitry' or 'Nick' etc could be that revealing. PrivacyProtect.org also listed additional domain owners that TheBigRetort now drags into the light (most of them belong to Dmitry);

MP3SKYLION.COM

MP3LOOPUP.COM

MP3CARZ.COM

1PODMP3.COM

RNP3F1ESTA.COM

HANZMUSIC.COM

TORONTOMP3S.COM

It further claimed that 'the problem that you have brought to our notice needs to be filed (sic) Hosting Provider of the domain names.' And so our woes did not end there either...

TheBigRetort coined a new cyberphrase in accusing peddlers of MP3 as 'adleechers', little wonder that a cheeky adleecher then attached a series of MP3 ads to the article about adleeching. (Perhaps with a hearty bell laugh. See torrentsrapidsharemusic.com/rapidshare-artist2608-accused.asp. But please don't buy the product, or click on the links.)

INMP3Z.COM was created at 20-Mar-2008. Again the registrar Estodomains pops up. and its appropriately styled "SEOHELL.ORG" nameservers pointed us towards a company styled Cernel, Inc. (We wrote to the host informing it that a 'Nick (mailto:karrambas@gmail.com) also based in Moscow, but at the time of writing had received no response. In fact, the same person has also registered another adleech on that same date via another domain.)

So, as we write, so shall we sow.

Coming soon in TheBigRetort.... the response.

London Mayor: knife crime and Maria

2008-06-10T13:14:00.008+01:00

TheBigRetort calls it Maria's Law... The type of law Boris Johnson and other politicians continually promote - with little or no understanding of why youths carry knives or guns on the streets of London.

First up, get this, there is no such thing as the 'black community', so called 'race advisors' couldn't give advice on a new mortgage let alone (black) crime, neither can models for dealing with the problem be imported from America (a racial melting pot if ever, with all the cream at the top and the 'coffee' below), and not all black 'kids' carry knives because they are villains... it's because they are scared shitless.

Actually the history of carrying a weapon in self defence in Britain is rather much older than the authorities would have us believe...

Liverpool street circa 1972/3 and a fifteen-year-old mixed race youth. White Scousers' call him a 'alf cast, a nigger, a wog. One evening, while walking home with his bezzy mate, his 'spar'. Suddenly eight white youths set about them...

He - foolish youth - makes his way into a chip shop where the owner sees what is happening. He orders him to leave. However, the boy begs the owner to call the police.

On the other hand the owner is afraid too. He resists this. As the racist gang enters he flees to the back of his shop.

The racist white youths set about beating the mixed-race youth, so much so that they kick his head through the shop counter then call for a knife or axe to 'finish the fucking nigger!'

Fortunately they can't find one. Nevertheless they make do with using his head and chest as a trampoline. He blacks out with the repeated kicks to the balls (very painful), and then wakes to the sound of the Chinese shopkeeper: 'You pay for my chippie!'

He's alive... barely.

An unusual event in 70s Liverpool? No such luck... an everyday occurrence. (It did not help matters that he saw the cops pretending to write into their notebooks, whilst all the time their pens were hovering... on air. They did not get back to him as they said they would.)

'Listen man, no matter what dem JB (John bull) tells yer, you's black. An' a little bit of colour is colour too much for dem. An 'e'go take yer black ass an' give it licks.'(Don't know why they talked like that as they all had Scouse accents really.)

The youth, with no guidance from an African-American father, then living back in the USA with family number two, hears the familiar mantra from his 'brothers'. Of course the youth has heard this all before. They were right about that colour thing though. Although his mother was white people seemed more interested in where his father was from. (Barack Obama will have a similar problem when, decades later, he is mooted as the first black president. A little bit of colour... sticks, Mr President.)

After many years though it does wear him down. He tried to resist, as best he could... until then. But they are now his family. They look after him and so he must look after them. He had resisted the call to 'arm'. But that day, from his hospital bed, he remembered the 'fear'.

Had he wet himself? He couldn't remember.

But what if those racists had knives? What if the Chinese shopkeeper had handed them that axe? What if...? There were too many "ifs". Anyway, which ever way you looked at it, it was better to take a life then let that life take yours. Wasn't it?

The feel of steel tucked discreetly down his trouser leg, right side, inside his boot, feels... reassuring, and, once a victim, caught up in Maria's law, he is now a villain, a thug, a hoodie, a black - 'colour'.

How do you solve a problem like Maria, a will o' a wisp, a clown? How do you solve a problem like Maria? How do catch the Press and pin it down? How can you hold a moonbeam in your hand? So many "ifs" and "hows".

Of course, if push came to shove he would never really use it anyway - would he?

GoDaddy: the Odd Bob or two, and the Clickfraud Scandal

2008-06-02T10:55:00.022+01:00

Around the globe the words 'domain' and 'cash parking' are synonymous with GoDaddy. So why are 70% of the reviews on the first page of Google so negative? TheBigRetort investigates... and finds the odd Bob or two. (Pictured left, Bob Parsnips, founder GoDaddy.)

Google GoDaddy along with Cashparking and it quickly becomes evident that all is not well in Elsinore. (That's Denmark for all our American readers.) Indeed... the praise once heaped on the largest domain name registrar in the world has now turned to opprobrium. There is a pestilence in the land and many a brave knight quickly stirs abroad to other domains. (Oops. We quote a writer of plays born over here.) What we mean is, here's just one of many critiques...

"I like GoDaddy.com and I admire Bob Parsons, his 'bigger than life' personality and panache reflecting on GoDaddy, so it’s not personal, it’s business," one disgruntled critic wrote. He had invested in the GoDaddy Cashparking scheme but when he saw the cash disappear he realised something was not quite right. He was concerned by the lack of 'plain words' in GoDaddy's terms of service, such as the 'other similar methods' in relation to what type of traffic GoDaddy 'allowed'. A definition that could accommodate virtually anything - and was meant to.

GoDaddy's pays out in three monthly cycles and this can lead to abuse of the cashparking system - by the registrar itself. In the above case several thousand dollars had accumulated but was destined to remain in GoDaddy's deep pockets. The advertising revenue was invalidated by GoDaddy - 'siezed', or so he alleged. His advice: avoid Godaddy Cash Parking. (Click here.)

But can uncertainty be part of a Bob Parsons masterplan to even greater wealth?

After all, Parsons can recall his war service years with such startling clarity - thirty years on - that such an accusation must fail to impress. In fact, here's just a few snippets of what the founder of GoDaddy has posted about his 'days' in Vietnam. "I can remember arriving on that hill in the middle of nowhere. The night prior, the squad I was newly assigned to had been ambushed and most of them were killed. It wasn’t that moment I got afraid. Later that night I sat on this wall of an old French fort and looked into this valley and thought – this is it…I’m going to die here and I accepted that and from then on I was OK.... From the next day on, my only goal and I mean my only goal, was to simply make it to mail call. I figured that I would take small steps, tie them together, and it would get me to the finish line and that thought is what I use today to make GODADDY successful – simply get to the next day."

So that's it, in a nutshell... or is it?

Bob Parsons enlisted in the US Marine Corps in 1968. He arrived in Vietnam, in his words, 'by late February 1969'. However, Delta Company rosters record that "Parsons, Bob, R" commenced his tour of duty at the 1st January 1969 - seven weeks before the date he in fact claims.

On February 22, four Delta Co marines were indeed killed and six more wounded. If the rosters are correct then the 5-week stint followed a rather inactive period for Delta Company, and for Bob.

The events are said to have influenced Bob's life... forever, and he was apparently later medically evacuated from Hill 190 after being wounded in Quang Nam...(that the buttocks) five weeks after arriving there. (Or should that be five weeks after he claims he arrived there?

[Bob Parsons is unlikely to screw up his dates so there is probably another explanation for the discrepancy. We suggest a closer look at his terms and conditions. The Delta Co. Marines killed in the vicinity of Hill 190 that day were, Woodrow W. Adams, LCpl. Michael Cruse, Cpl. Edward Gum and Cpl. Robert W. Topham, Jr. See "History of Delta 1/26" by Tom Howard at delta126.org for a full account. The Command Chronologies Command Chronologies of 1st Battalion 26th Marines date from August 1966 to- March 1970. They are not available for the month that Parsons claims he was there.]

But TheBigRetort ventures too far into the enemy's paddy fields on what is essentially a dark night, so back to domain basics... (Quick get that one.)

TheBigRetort's first article in the GoDaddy Series was last seen comfortably sitting on the second page of Google, which is not too bad for a tiny English blog more accustomed to rocking the boat in Dear Old Blighty than across the Pond in the Americas (where it is also read). But now, according to a recent Google search, it is almost rubbing shoulders with GoDaddy itself. No mean feat...

In the words of SEO guru David Viney in his book Get to the top on Google: "84% of searchers never make it past the bottom of page two of search engine results. Just think about this for a moment. Imagine the web is one giant city, with stores scattered through it. Having your site in the top 10 is like having your store right on Main Street or near the entrance of the largest shopping mall in human history. Being outside the top 20 is like having a corner store on the outskirts of town."

But first, a gentle reminder from our sponsor.

Our previous expose revealed that GoDaddy founder B-o-b P-a-r-s-o-n-s (the m-a-r-i-ne with the ring) pocketed $1.6 million in advertising revenue from parked pages. It beats working, as many of the domains belonged to people who had purchased them from the Baltimore Bully himself. Wowgolly indeed. GoDaddy offered the opportunity for one and all to share in its revenue success via its new CashParking scheme - at a price naturally - and so TheBigRetort snook a little look at what Daddy was up to. And we were not that impressed.

"Earn up to 80% of ad revenue" boasted its CashParking Plan. (GoDaddy keeps the other 20%'. Oh, and don't forget... you must also pay for the right to use the CashParking plan too. Get it? DOES THE PHRASE MONEY FOR OLD DOMAINS SPRING TO MIND?) Not sure what you domain name you need? Then 'https' - GoDaddy's secure server is the place for Y-O-U.

When TheBigRetort invested in the scheme the revenue generated from its rather sizeable portfolio remained no more than a trickle, and what cash did come our way suddenly and inexplicably disappeared. The domains, thebaserate.com and loaniduk.com, had done a Houdini - alongside approximately $20 that also vanished from the CashParking account. We decided to find out what had happened...

It usually takes GoDaddy's Sales & Support team 24 hours to respond to queries - even though the company boasts a '24/7' 'support - and getting anwers from its media office and the Office of the President were equally problematic and 'vague'. (We wondered if the PR department at GoDaddy was working overtime to 'bury' a certain story that had been hovering on Google's page two... until it moved up the Google ranks. It's now in the top ten.)

GoDaddy previously accrued $1.6 million in advertising revenue from 'parked' domains, for itself. It did not share this revenue with its customers and so TheBigRetort wanted a few nuggets of wisdom from Bob Parsons himself. We wanted to know if any other customers were as lucky. We also wanted to know what had happened to two domains and $20. GoDaddy initially claimed that the two domains were 'both correctly pointing' at its cash parking nameservers, only to add later, 'But the domain names are set up to forward to external URLs. In order for these domains to properly resolve to the cash parking account, the forwarding will need to be removed.' Double-Dutch to us.

However, when GoDaddy then responded (eventually) that this was not in fact the real problem we wondered if we could smell 'vagueness'. The two domains had been completely removed. In addition, GoDaddy was suddenly threatening to close down 'the entire' Cash Parking account. It explained why: "These determinations are not made based on the amount of traffic that comes to your domains. The amount of impressions to your domain(s) is not a determining factor by GoDaddy or Google. It is not permitted for you to routinely click on your own links in the Cash Parking system."

Routinely click? On our own links?

Apparently CashParking is designed to share the revenue generated on domains based on (i) Accidental Traffic; mistypes, etc., or (ii) Residual Traffic; domains that have undergone a change of ownership. This usually happens when a registrant forgets to renew, and then the person who lifts the domain steals his traffic, which is in itself a rather astonishing and immoral concept. GoDaddy was confidently stating that it was okay to earn money out of other people making typing errors - accidental traffic - or by 'passing off' as the longstanding owner of a previous site. Although many punters believe that the 'residual' traffic becomes theirs by default this is not always the case. Some purchasers suddenly encounter empty space with no old links to the domain name.

Surprisingly, with the above lofty ideal, GoDaddy Cash Parking does not allow the intentional generation of traffic to any of your domains via a link for instance (even with a warning) - so there appears to be very little way of gaining any income from the cash parking scheme. Something GoDaddy does not immediately point out at the point of purchase. (It's buried somewhere in its terms and conditions, aka the small print.) Indeed TheBigRetort has so far concluded that much of GoDaddy's cashparking 'revenue' is based on the naivety of the purchaser (its customers), and is one-sided. Conveniently, allegations of clickfraud, often unsubstantiated, lead to a convenient expulsion with retention of the revenue raised.

But what domains had been 'routinely clicked' in our portfolio and by whom we asked.

"The most common problem leading to a determination such as this is the Click Through Rate (CTR), or the percentage of clicks vs. total impressions to your domain. This is a fairly accurate way to determine if the behavior of the impressions to your domain is consistent with what Google would determine as "natural behavior". We find that natural human traffic will result in Click Through Rates (CTR) of no more than 40% on sites with more than 1 or 2 visitors. CTR's significantly or consistently higher than that are usually indicative of incentivized clicks, click groups, or software programs designed to simulate click traffic."

What 'click groups'? Could we see a report?

"We are unable to provide full reports on the statistics that caused these traffic patterns. Unnatural traffic is defined as traffic that any given domain may see when not advertised, or targeted. Normal traffic does not generally cause the amounts of traffic we see on your domain name, thus is considered to be unnatural and provoked. Residual Traffic tends to taper off after a period of time where as incidental traffic traditionally does not have high click through rates. In this instance the domain does not fit into either category as the traffic appears to be steady and excessively high."

Twenty dollars...

According to GoDaddy rival competitors can also click on a competitors ads in order to undermine his or her campaign and exhaust their budget.

In addition, you may not generate traffic to your website or Go Daddy's links by any 'listings on newsgroups, bulk e-mailing, icq postings, chatroom postings, iframes, zero pixel frames, hitbots, clickbots, spiders, cgi-scripts, JavaScript, click farms or any other similar method'.

So no advertising at all - which means no bucks.

"This includes clicking on your own links. As a result, your Cash Parking service has been permanently suspended. Our regulations are in line with those of Google. As Google will not be providing revenue to us for what has been deemed to be unnatural traffic, we will not have any revenue to share with you."

But hadn't Google already paid GoDaddy a bundle of cash?

We attempted to open a dialogue with Bob Parsons, ex-marine, founder of Godaddy and its chairman. We wanted to know how he managed to make $1.6 million from cashparking... and we also wanted a copy of the report in order that we could conduct our own investigation into the 'click fraud scandal'. But it wasn't that easy...

"Please be aware that our founder and CEO, Mr. Parsons, is extremely busy with his vast array of duties and thus is not able to personally reply to emails sent to our office given the amount of correspondence, " came the terse response. "As you may already know our President and COO is Mr. Adelman. Mr. Adelman reviews all messages delivered to this address; due to the volume he is unable to reply personally. However, at his discretion he may opt to do so or add to the comments of our office." It added, "Unfortunately for security purposes we cannot discuss the methods used to monitor this traffic, and this includes the information found on the domain names in question."

Sent to Guantanamo, without trial, beaten by the 'evidence' - the GoDaddy jury had reached its verdict, however vague. Meanwhile... in the Cashparking pages themselves the message could not have been more clear: "Domains not allowed due to fraudulent activity".

Coming soon... TheBigRetort.com

GoDaddy, Cashparking, and Clickfraud...TheBgRetort

2008-05-30T20:11:00.014+01:00

GoDaddy is the largest domain name registrar in the 'electric universe'. During the final six months of 2005 approximately one-third of all domain names (the top five) were registered via this registrar. By the end of May 2006, it managed approximately 14.2 million domain names. As a 'best-of-breed' it is also North America’s largest shared website hosting provider. But when TheBigRetort tried to put a series of questions to its founder it met with a wall of silence - unusual considering its founder's usual retort: "If GoDaddy.com is anything, it is an outspoken company and I am an outspoken CEO." So why was Daddy being so evasive? First, a bit of blurb on founder B-o-b P-a-r-s-o-n-s.

Robert Parsons is the CEO and Chairman of GoDaddy. Prior to founding the company in 1997, he also founded Parsons technology. Bob and his then wife grew the software company out a basement kitchen. A decade later the pair sold it for many millions of dollars. Retirement did not sit well... Bob soon turned his attention to domain name registration. He had noted how expensive it was... And the entrepreneur was if anything the archangel of the low priced deal. He founded GoDaddy - a name that came out of the aether - and quickly established him (through dogged determination and chutzpah it must be acknowledged) as the Wizard of cut-price domains. At the age 19 he was a rifleman in the U.S. Marine Corps (1968 - 1970) and the recipient of several medals. He is also a Certified Public Accountant. He remains the titular head of GoDaddy. He and also wears an earring. He likes bikes as much as girls. (Godaddy girls that is. And if you saw them you would understand why.) But, to the nub of our Go Daddy rub...
......

In 2006 it was reported that GoDaddy planned to go public. Lehman Brothers was hired to handle the IPO. Prior to that date not much was known about the company's profitability. Go Daddy was a private company and its business was its business, however the S-1 filing was the first public scrutiny of its financial health... it revealed considerable net losses. With the books out in the open it became public knowledge that this had happened every year since the year of its inception. Under "Risks related to our Business" the filing also stated, '.... and may not be able to operate profitably or sustain positive cash flow in future periods.' As investors in GoDaddy's success, it was this that concerned us most. There were others...

GoDaddy planned to use the net proceeds received from the offering to repay approximately $7.2 million indebtedness (in addition to working capital etc). However, although the company was making year on year losses, it was, its founder later emphasised, also experiencing rapid growth.

At that time many wondered if Parsons himself might 'subdue his expressions' once the company went public. "He's one of the most outspoken CEOs in the industry, whose personal and professional leanings are never in doubt. That sort of divisive, outspoken approach may not gel quite as well with Wall Street investment bankers as it does with his blog audience," one online critic remarked. The offering hoped to raise more than 100 million dollars and value Go Daddy at 250 million dollars or more. But the IPO was abruptly pulled.

Dominic Jones later reported that a scrapped IPO is rarely a good thing. "It suggests the company being shopped is a lemon. Companies that pull their IPOs traditionally go off to some dark corner with their tails between their legs ... many observers might well have interpreted the news as Wall Street kicking another dog out to the curb."

However Parsons was never one for hiding in dark corners. (Unless it was in the rice fields of Nam, where it was thought wise to adopt such a position.) He later blogged that the submission was 'approved' by the SEC itself and that this assumption was wrong. There were three main reasons that he decided to pull the plug; (i) the Middle East conflict, interest rate jitters and tech stock weakness; (ii) lack of appreciation for GoDaddy’s cash generating power and, calling the financial media stupid, because none had studied the company's cash flow statements, he claimed (iii) that Daddy was not desperate and had generated significant operating cash flow during each reporting period.

Surprisingly Parsons claims that the submission had been 'approved' by the SEC. However, the S1 actually states: 'Neither the Securities and Exchange Commission nor any state securities regulator has approved or disapproved these securities or determined if this prospectus is truthful or complete.'

Oh Daddy... Bob may not realise it but any representation that suggests otherwise is actually 'criminal' and may make any claimant subject to a long stay at Guantanamo. (Mind you, as this is place he apparently approves of it may be most welcome.)

And that brings us to Cashparking...
.....

"EARN UP TO 80% REVENUE" "CASH PARKING - TURN YOUR PARKED DOMAINS INTO CASH"

According to the GoDaddy blurb it's easy with CashParking. 'Whether you have one domain or a growing portfolio, CashParking can turn those domains into a cash generator!' The offer is made via a number of Cashparking plans from which anyone buying a domain can

'get ready to share in parked domain revenue'. Really?

Bob Parsons himself, blind to any faults, directly boasts, ''Go Daddy is putting its reputation in the domain name industry to work for our customers so CashParking can provide the highest revenue share payouts, making for quick and easy income potential for domain holders from their parked domain names.'' Which leads to another... really?

GoDaddy itself earned $1.6 million from its own cashparking 'scheme'. But this was prior to sharing it with the persons who owned those domains. Now things are different and B-o-b wants to share his success... So why is it that when TheBigRetort invested in a portfolio of domains 'connoting the top five' we saw the dollars flooding out - not in? (In place of the two domains, TheBaseRate.com and LoanAiduk.com, was a little Sherlock Holmes sign, complete with magnifying glass, saying: This site is currently NOT available. (Emphasis GoDaddy's.)

What oh what had taken place? We wrote to find out....

Coming soon in TheBigRetort... the answer. (Visit NamePros for domain discussion and advice. NoDaddy.com for informed views on the company.)

.....

ET MAY NOT USE PHONES

2008-05-29T17:15:00.005+01:00

The search for extra-terrestrial intelligence may have been looking for the 'wrong thing'. So says Steven J. Dick, former official SETI historian, and author of The Biological Universe.

Writing in NewScientist (31 May 2008, p21.) the NASA historian claims that SETI scientists may 'not be thinking big enough'.

A limited search of our own Milky Way Galaxy has been conducted but with no sign yet of ET, not even a whisper. Dick suggests that this is because the search continues to focus on biological creatures (like us) whilst ignoring the 'likelihood' that such intelligence may have evolved 'beyond biology'.

He proposes what he calls the "intelligence principle": the driving force of cultural evolution, where is can be improved it will be improved.

Dick claims that ET will have eventually improved itself into an Artificial Intelligence - AI - perhaps as seen in the Speilberg film. It is predicted by others that this will also take place with mankind in a few generations. (Providing we continue our journey along the evolutionary path.) It is for these reasons that Dick believes we live in a "post-biological universe" - and in order to make SETI produce its stellar fruit we should acknowledge this.

He writes, 'The SETI search need not be confined to Earth-like planets, or even to planets at all.' The disparity between this biological and post biological civilisation may be so great that communication with it and us may be impossible, or so he argues.

This too is as much flawed as Dick appears to suggest SETI may also be. Dick says ET may have evolved off planet once it ceased to be a biological entity. However this too is where his own thesis is at fault.

The argument in favour of a post-biological civilisation search is totally unnecessary, and for the following reasons... If some ETs have progressed towards the heady and safe status of "Artificial Intelligence" then this should not necessarily make the SETI search elsewhere more attractive - less so in fact.

Mankind's evolution in a cosmic context is of interest however... Any creature taking its technological path towards advancement would have left some "cosmic residue". It is this same CR that we too have left along our own path. It is "I Love Lucy" and all other television and radio programmes beamed across our solar system - and beyond - for nearly half a century: otherwise known as electro-magnetic waves.

If ET did not use such a means of communication in its evolutionary progress then we can be sure that there will be other forms that will one day betray themselves. For it is this residue, these echoes of civilisations gone (and advanced), that would still be writ large in the skies above.

Undoubtedly this would remain so for millenia, if not forever and, as with humans, if an ET civilisation had once used radio waves - and then advanced on to some more exotic means of communication - these artifacts of an extra-terrestrial bygone era would still be moving across interstellar (or intergalactic space) ... towards us.

Embarrassing not only for AI but its proponents too...

As you read this article evidence of a past interstellar civilisation may have just crossed the boundary of our own solar system and may just be hours away from the 'ears' of our most sensitive instruments. ('Past' in that such a civilisation has moved on to a greater intelligence and not been destroyed which, if given our own evolution, seems more likely.)

No, Mr Dick, the fact that ET may no longer use phones or have a home to phone home to is irrelevant. It is the fact that this technological journey coincided with the one we now follow that offers us the hope that many ETs would (possibly) be discoverable using present techniques - and 'possibly' with little refinement too.

ET keep phoning home, please.

...........

SOFA NOT SO SUITE

2008-05-28T10:05:00.004+01:00

TheBigRetort can reveal that a recent allergic epidemic that has been studied in Lahti, Finland, has found that being a dog - or a couch potato for that matter -may seriously damage your health. In fact, if that sofa has been made in China reclining in front of the telly may not be so 'suite'.

A Finnish study into the background to a recent epidemic that stretched the length and breadth of Britain has identified the substance that has caused agonising suffering in thousands of people. Chinese-made settees sold by Argos and Land of Leather have been named as the culprits of a violent irritant-related eczema, blisters, weeping and cracking.

After studying five patients the Finnish study concluded that the allergies related to a newly purchased chair or sofa. Furniture samples were analysed and compounds identified using a mass spectrum library and measured. The patients showed strong reactions to upholstery fabric samples and to dimethylfumarate, 'down to a level of 1 p.p.m. in the most severe case'.

Scientists concluded that the cause of the epidemic was likely to be contact allergy to the dimethylfumarate, a novel potent contact sensitiser. All sofas were traced to the same factory owned by Chinese firm 'Linkwise'. Apparently it had treated the furniture with 'a potent fungicide' to stop them going mouldy in storage. Customers have now been warned of the batch numbers affected with what is now termed "sofa dermatitis" over one year after the first outbreak.

So where was Trading Standards in all this?

A number of personal injury lawyers are currently trawling the Net in search of clients. In Wrexham a woman who purchased a brown Bari sofa from Argos was left with a severe rash to her buttocks. In another regions one victim came out with an allergic reaction; shortly after purchasing the sofa in May 2007 his symptoms included a painful rash on his back, thigh and hands. 'The distribution of his eczema coinciding with where he would sit at the end of the sofa.' A doctor later concluded that it was due to 'sofa dermatitis'.

Meanwhile 'Answers at Yahoo' suggested to a concerned pet owner that a 7-year old Yorkie was 'most likely having an allergic reaction to something she rubbed her face on outside.' But the dog (not pictured) may have identified the source of the epidemic some time back...

It developed a red rash like look around both eyes and face like a chemical burn. The dog's eyes were swollen and the skin around them bright pink. Although it was claimed by the dog's owner that the dog developed the symptoms after being out alone in the yard for just a few hours, its concerned owner informed Answers that it would later 'rub her face against the settee'. It now seems likely that the crafty canine was trying to tell its owner that the sofa was the cause of its irritation.
.....

When informed by the TheBigRetort that the source of the epidemic had finally been identified - almost a year after it began - the dog is alleged to have barked, 'Fang heavens.'

64.233.183.104 MP3

2008-05-25T16:05:00.007+01:00

Have we entered an episode of Lost? Or are we simply that popular a publication that major conglomerates wish to cosy-up with we pond life? If so, perhaps it's time we started practising safer sex. Because when TheBigRetort gets rogered we prefer a condom and a smile, rather than a dot.con.

Why is it that practically every article we write appears to carry advertising for "MP3" and the ISP "64.233.183.104"? Complaints to "fronts" like PrivacyProtect.org (ON WHOM MORE LATER) - appear to go ignored. (This 'organisation' itself is shrouded in mystery.) And we are simply referred back to our domain name registrar where we are offered privacy... but at a price. In other words you pay we stop. Suspicious or what?

However, phew, UK law ensures that privacy does not have a dollar sign attached to it. In other words private details should, as far as human rights go, remain just that: p-r-i-v-a-t-e. So why is it that the registrants of domain names need to pay their registrars for that privacy? (Odd that, innit?)

However, we stroll too far down the path of righteousness. Privacy is not the thrust of our concerns. In our case a number of copyright articles are repeatedly hijacked by a person or persons selling MP3 and, although the headlines and body of the front text can be read, there is no story on the landing page, no link that acknowledges the fabulous BIGRETORT, just an MP3 'endorsement' - of sorts.

We say of sorts because it's downright dodgy. Certainly TheBigRetort would never endorse a product like MP3, or such an underhanded way of marketing it.

We conclude that this is obviously a dreadful product best avoided, peddled by a company that has little regard for copyright law or fair play - and one that needs its identity shield lifted.

In the forthcoming months we will be researching these cyber bloodsuckers and identity shield fronts... and lift the veil.

GODADDY, CASHPARKING AND "CLICKFRAUD"

2008-05-22T15:47:00.002+01:00

Coming soon... TheBigRetort lifts the lid on GoDaddy, Cashparking, and "Clickfraud".

Watch this space.... it may shock you.

Alexa ranking

2008-05-20T12:48:00.004+01:00

Since TheBigRetort's birth we have been known under a host of names; thebigretort.blogspot, mybigretort, myretort, etc. But have so many different e-monikers led to the dilution of traffic. If Alexa is anything to go by... then the answer is Yes.

According to the Amazon subsidiary, TheBigRetort.com receives no ranking whatsoever. Whilst thebigretort.blogspot.com reached the dizzy (or should that be lowly) heights of 10,707, 828.

The data also shows that 63,004 sites have linked in to us, and that we are based in India - which we are not. Hijacked, forgotten, or simply ignored?