The Met and the Media: the mysteries of London's "best kept secret"

Over a decade ago, London's ever-evolving landscape continued to surprise its residents with peculiar announcements and hidden gems. Back then, the launch of Police.uk by the Home Office marked a significant step in providing accessible street-level crime statistics across the nation. However, as we dive into the intricacies of one specific area, Brockley, a distinct urban enclave in the heart of the city, we unearth an enigmatic tale of burglary statistics and lack of police transparency. TheBigRetort...

In the deep past, the introduction of the new London Overground had residents lining up to catch a glimpse of their evolving city. One such stop, Brockley, seemed to blur into the background, overshadowed by the more recognisable, Bromley.  However, located just 5 miles southeast of Charing Cross, the "urban green" paradise of Brockley—also known by its postcode, SE4—actually offers, in estate-agent-speak,  ‘stunning views, desirable properties, and a slice of all-inclusive city living.’ Yet, even as late as 2010, despite its proximity to central London, this idyllic haven remained a well-kept secret in the borough of Lewisham.

Focusing on a specific road, the then statistics provided a puzzling picture on burglary. According to data from the Home Office, nine burglaries took place on one road alone in December 2010. This shocking revelation placed it as the seventh worst road for burglaries in the UK. 

However, something didn't quite add up... Only one month’s data was presented. And where were the specific dates? These questions led to The Big Retort conducting its own enquiry into the accuracy of the reported statistics.

Brockley's Safer Neighbourhoods Team (SNT) was approached for clarification. But instead of shedding light on the matter, the police response raised more questions. A veil of secrecy seemed to shroud the answers, with statements such as, "I can't at this point in time elaborate any further on detail… but will endeavour to clarify ASAP as much as possible." The ambiguity and reluctance to provide specific information left us wondering about the true nature of the reported burglaries.

As we delved deeper, we discovered a hidden "spree" of burglaries that occurred on Christmas Day, a fact that residents in that particular road claimed they were never informed about. The secrecy surrounding these incidents added a layer of mystery to the situation. Was there something the police were eager to keep hidden from the public eye? The more we investigated, the more apparent it became that the true story might lie beneath the surface. Or next door.

Attempting to navigate the complex world of police press bureaus proved to be a challenge. The MPS Press Bureau (Southeast) had a reputation for its intricate dealings with freelance journalists, often employing a tiered approach to information dissemination. The challenges of obtaining accurate information and responses from press officers echoed the sentiments of renowned journalist Pete Sawyer, formerly of Punch Magazine, who had warned about the struggles faced by freelancers.

This intricate dance of information continued as we attempted to communicate with a spokeswoman for the MPS Press Bureau. The conversation was characterised by a supercilious tone and vague responses, leaving us with more questions than answers. Despite the challenges, we pressed on in pursuit of clarity.

As the pieces of the puzzle slowly fell into place, Brockley's status as "south London's best-kept secret" took on a new dimension. The intricate web of statistics, police transparency, and the complex dynamics of dealing with press bureaus painted a picture of a community with hidden stories waiting to be uncovered.

Fast-forward to today, and Brockley's allure remains intact. The urban green oasis continues to captivate with its stunning views and coveted properties. While technology and transparency have evolved since our investigation in 2012, the challenges of obtaining accurate information and navigating the complex world of police data and press bureaus persist. We find this not just with the MPS by the way. The bureaucracy and closed local government response from Lewisham Council holds no comparison. But more often than not they are not only responsible for what lies not just next door but within the wider community. Sometimes they like to conceal this from their constituents.

The enigmatic allure of Brockley, with its verdant charm and hidden narratives, serves as a reminder that beneath the surface of any community lies a tapestry of stories waiting to be told. As we revisit this tale from the past, we reflect on the importance of seeking the truth, no matter how elusive it may seem or unpalatable. For what is democracy without truth?

Copyright (c) TheBigRetort

Fortnum and Mason: the unsavoury truth

We dig deep into Fortnum and Mason's Chicken and Ham Mini Pie – the tantalising treat that holds all the promise of flavour-packed goodness and at a very affordable price. We find that there is a delicate balance between cost and quality and probe the culinery depths to uncover hamfisted advice with a use-by-date. The Big Retort review...

 Food exploration often uncovers delightful surprises, yet not every dish lives up to its reputation. In this candid review, we venture into the experience of trying Fortnum and Mason's Chicken and Ham Mini Pie – a promising delicacy that left us questioning the balance between cost and quality. As secret shoppers, we embarked on this culinary escapade to uncover the truth behind the tempting price tag.

The allure of a discounted gourmet treat, especially from the renowned Fortnum and Mason, is undeniable. The prospect of savouring a blend of succulent chicken and ham encased in flaky pastry is enough to make anyone's mouth water. Priced at just £1.50, down from £2.95, the savings are substantial – a deal that promises to gratify both the palate and the pocket.

The Reality: To provide an honest review, a panel of food enthusiasts gathered in the distinguished Room 300 for a taste test. What should have been a satisfying experience took an unexpected turn. The pastry left an unsettling aftertaste reminiscent of recycled cardboard. In stark contrast to Fortnum and Mason's claims of a comforting, family-friendly delight, our encounter was quite the opposite. The supposed tender chicken and ham, accented by a blend of herbs and enveloped in handmade pastry, fell far short of expectations. Both the chicken and ham were disappointingly dry, lacking the succulence one would expect from such ingredients. Despite acknowledging the use-by-date factor, we wondered if the full-priced version might have offered a more satisfying alternative.

In fairness, our choice of the discounted option likely influenced the taste experience. The adage "you get what you pay for" resonated, a sobering reminder of the pitfalls of budget-conscious decisions. Looking forward, we are determined to turn this disappointment into a catalyst for deeper culinary exploration. Our upcoming journey to the renowned store at 181 Piccadilly holds the promise of intriguing gastronomic discoveries. Armed with insights from this ordeal, we approach future tastings with cautious optimism, considering both price and brand reputation.

The Final Verdict: Fortnum and Mason's Chicken and Ham Mini Pie, despite its enticing description and price reduction, failed to meet our expectations during the confidential taste test. The cardboard-like pastry and dry chicken and ham prompted us to question the wisdom of choosing the use-by-date discount over the full-priced option. This experience serves as a stark reminder that investing in quality food, even at its prime, remains a wiser choice than settling for a reduced price that compromises taste. 

Food exploration unveils both culinary triumphs and disappointments. Our quest as secret shoppers continues, as we eagerly anticipate the unearthing of gastronomic delights beyond the confines of Fortnum and Mason's offerings. With the lessons learned from this culinary misadventure, we forge ahead in pursuit of the finest flavours, leaving behind the regrettable memory of F&M’s savoury treat that fell short on its used-pie-date.

Copyright (c) THE BIG RETORT

"Behind Closed Muffs: When reputation trumped the dock"

In a fascinating historical account from the "Saint James's Chronicle" newspaper, dated December 20, 1842, we transport you back to a different era. We delve into an incident that unfolded within the revered halls of the Marlborough Street Magistrates' Court in London, England. A Prisoner's Refusal to Enter the Dock for Sentencing: TheBigRetort...

One hundred and eighty-one years ago, Anne Maria Fenton, (not pictured), a woman said to possess a substantial fortune, found herself thrust into the spotlight due to an unfortunate circumstance.  Her story presents a captivating exploration of a woman's fashion sense and the intricate dance between public image and the legal consequences of her refusal to enter the dock for sentencing. Faced with the seemingly mundane charge of being "very drunk and incapable" in the early hours of the morning.

What might have appeared to be a straightforward case, the unfolding events within the courtroom took an unexpected turn and led to greater reporting. Anne Maria's arrival was marked by her determination not to leave her private cabriolet unless compelled. Dressed impeccably, she eventually entered the courtroom with an aura of exclusivity.

Yet her reluctance to subject herself to public scrutiny was palpable. Anne Maria adamantly declined to step into the dock, displaying an aversion to being exposed to the gaze of curious onlookers.

After persistent efforts, Anne Maria finally stood at the bar—her face hidden behind a muff. Not that one, but a popular furry fashion accessory of the time into which a lady’s hands were placed for warmth. This deliberate act of concealment mirrored her desire to evade the inevitable spotlight that accompanies a courtroom appearance.

The narrative takes an unforeseen twist as Police-constable Allen, bearing badge number 154A, offers testimony regarding the charges against Madame Fenton.

At this juncture, the magistrate, Mr. Maltby, steps in to deliver judgment. With practicality in mind, he proposes a fine for Anne Maria's state of inebriation.

However, her companion intervenes. A fashionable mercer from Regent Street, he suggests an alternative: contributing to the poor-box. This alternative option's motivation is clear—to shield the defendant from the unyielding glare of public notoriety that a published fine might bring.

However, Mr. Maltby remains resolute in his decision, imposing a fine of 5 shillings upon Anne Maria for her intoxicated state.

This conclusion encapsulates the intricate interplay between legal procedures, societal norms, and the immense value placed on reputation in an era where appearances held paramount importance—especially for those refusing to enter the conspicuous dock. Made all the more so by their refusal to enter it.

In a world where legal proceedings intermingled with social standing and the preservation of one’s image, this 1842 account offers a captivating glimpse seen in the present. Anne Maria's steadfast refusal to step into the dock, her visage concealed behind her muff, and the delicate dance around public perception, all stand as a testament to the enduring theme of reputation management—a theme as relevant in the 19th century as it is during the modern-day sentencing. 

 Copyright (c) TheBigRetort

 

The Cycledrama Chronicles: Lime Bikes' audacious urban artistry

As Lime bike riders continue to reshape the urban landscape one audacious parking spot at a time, many Londoners are left wondering: is this a playful trend or a quirky two-wheeled rebellion? 

 

TheBigRetort

A new mania earns its place in London's ongoing saga of eccentric ways to park. In a city that prides itself on artistic expression, this new form of urban artistry has taken London by storm: It’s called, "Cycledrama."  Not to be confused with the more mundane art of acting on a bike, this particular mania involves riders of Lime green bikes channelling their inner da Vinci, strategically placing their two-wheeled masterpieces in spots that redefine the concept of "parking”. 

Move over, conventional bike racks – here are some of the most audacious Lime bike placements that'll make you do a double-take when you visit London:

The Vulcan: What’s he got for blood, green slime?

A cycling-inspired architectural masterpiece? Move along people, nothing to see here. 

However, be warned: "Captain Cyclist" is ready to pedal to the rescue at a moment's notice.

Actually, these Parking Picassos are arranged in abstract yet eerily captivating pattern as passers-by wonder if they have stumbled upon a modern art installation.  Is this Two Wheeled Cubism?

The Pub Perch is an understandable installation but I am yet to capture one strategically parked outside a pub. Now that’s really the ultimate pub crawl, ensuring riders would never be far from their trusty steed. Happy with a pint?

Keep pedalling, keep parking, and keep us entertained, with your two-wheeled artistry. Lime green with envy.

Copyright (c) TheBigRetort

ICO verdict On Lewisham Council's FOI “delinquency”

The Information Commissioner's Office (ICO) has wielded its authority, issuing an enforcement notice against London’s Lewisham Council in response to its abysmal failure to address numerous overdue requests made under the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) 2000. TheBigRetort was the lead complainant...

The alarming discrepancies came to light as the Council's dismal performance on information access requests was revealed to the ICO, far surpassing the figures it displayed online. As of the close of 2022, the Council had amassed a staggering 338 requests for information that remained unanswered, with a staggering 221 of these lingering for over a year. The most disconcerting case dates back over two years to December 3, 2020.

The Council prioritised handling new requests within the statutory time limit of 20 working days, intentionally neglecting its burgeoning backlog of older requests. Under the scrutiny of the ICO, it became painfully evident that the Council lacked a definitive strategy to remedy this mounting issue.

The enforcement notice compels a Council which itself is fond of serving enforcement notices on its constituents, to promptly respond to all outstanding requests over 20 working days old, ensuring resolution within a six-month timeframe from the notice's issuance. Additionally, the Council must swiftly formulate and disseminate an action plan, aimed at averting future delays in handling FOI requests, within 35 days of the notice's issuance.

"By evading responses to these requests, Lewisham Council is plunging hundreds into the abyss of uncertainty, denying them the information rightfully theirs to seek. Confidence in local authorities' decisions hinges on transparency, and the Council's failure to uphold this principle undermines trust in the foundations of democracy and open governance."

Powerful words spoken by Warren Seddon, Director of FOI and Transparency at the ICO, underscore the seriousness of the situation. This is the second Freedom of Information enforcement notice within a short span, underscoring the ICO's unwavering commitment to ensure transparency and accountability within public authorities. We hope it continues.

Copyright (c) The Big Retort

Unveiling Lewisham Council's FOI enigma

A recent communication from Lewisham Council peels back the layers of secrecy shrouding its operations. A two-year delay in addressing crucial Freedom of Information (FOI) Act requests. An Enforcement Notice from the Information Commissioner's Office (ICO) followed.  A move that has left the council red-faced and motivated. TheBigRetort...

Unearthing the Cryptic Email

Recently, an unexpected missive from Lewisham Council's FOI team landed on our desk, triggering waves of surprise within our Room 300 command centre. Amid the confusion, we pondered whether we had filed an FOI request. Only to uncover a jolting detail. Not in the email's timestamp, but in its date: "2021." Two full years had passed since our FOI query. The question looms: why?

Penetrating the Enigma that is Lewisham Council

In response to mounting concerns, the ICO wielded its Enforcement Notice—a figurative hammer blow—and the departure of Lewisham Planning head Emma Talbot followed. Was this emblematic of a council grappling with a disconcerting backlog of FOI responses after years of unhelpfulness? Unfortunately we shall probably never know. However, one thing is certain, the censure emerges amidst a backdrop of financial and moral distress, underscoring a council at the very brink.

A Plea for Clarification Resounds at Catford Town Hall

Remarkably a twist of fate finds Lewisham Council reaching out to TheBigRetort for guidance. What shall we do, they ask. An unusual departure from the norm. Be that as it may, the plea underscores a reversal of roles. As Lewisham Council seeks our input on whether our long-standing FOI request remains of interest - to us? Err...let me see now. The urgency in their words hints at a genuine attempt to rectify past oversights. We of course still hold unwavering interest in all things Shambolic. But the pivotal question arises: How did this backlog of information fester unchecked, tarnishing the council's commitment to transparency still further?

Unveiling a Wider Malaise

In an upcoming exposé, TheBigRetort delves into a systemic affliction transcending mere information requests—an affliction that has systematically transformed legitimate concerns into "complaints". Thereby evading scrutiny. This shadow veils the council's proclaimed dedication to open governance. Underscoring an avoidance that extends from junior officers to the senior echelons and beyond. Right up to the elected representatives who stand as proud stewards of their communities. Within this narrative, the council’s HQ’s resemblance to the Kremlin does not go amiss. Symbolic of receding accountability and a tightening grip on falsehoods—a reality that can no longer remain hidden.

Peering into the Abyss

Our journey takes us into the abyss. A realm of questionable dealings and thriving falsehoods. As we expose a council investigations team that paradoxically fails to investigate. Especially when implications reach higher levels. As our investigation deepens, layers of intrigue unravel. Revealing the motivations behind the council's demotivation tactics and the ramifications this brings for constituents reliant on transparent access to information. These pressing queries prompt a reconsideration of where constituents should cast their votes—in favour of inflated egos, or those candidates with genuine intelligence and compassion.

Unravelling the Enigma: The Path Forward

In the weeks ahead, TheBigRetort will navigate the labyrinthine enigma.Spotlighting the intricate interplay of forces within the council. We shed light on citizens' rights and delve into the ICO's role in safeguarding transparency. 

Stay engaged as we journey through corridors of power where secrets linger and truths eagerly await... the unveiling. You will soon be entering  the twighly zone.

COMING SOON… FENCEGATE: A TALE OF TARGETED MALICE? 

COPYRIGHT (C) THE BIG RETORT (thebigretort.com)