Monday, June 20, 2011

Max Melitzer: homeless heir's tragic death crash

Recently a homeless man who wandered the streets of Utah pushing a shopping trolley was tracked down by a private detective. He had some money coming to him from an inheritance and didn’t know it. It was hoped the windfall would turn his life around. However good fortune did not always shine on Max Melitzer. TheBigRetort exclusive… it began with a rollover.

Penniless Max Melitzer may have inherited a fortune that many hope will allow him to turn his life around, however his has not always been a rags-to-riches fairy story: but a tragedy.

July 1990... It was a Tuesday afternoon...

A highway in Wyoming five miles east of Rock Springs.

The driver drifted off the road and overcorrected the vehicle, according to the Wyoming Highway Patrol.

Unfortunately all four passengers were not wearing seat belts and were ejected from the car as it did a rollover.

Cindy Lee Jones, 36, died on the way to the hospital, and Glen Chrietzderg, 36, also of Ogden, died later at the University of Utah Hospital.

Janice Melitzer's, 44, the driver’s wife, died in the crash.

The driver, Max Melitzer, then also aged 44, was taken to Sweetwater County Memorial Hospital where he remained in a stable condition. He was the sole survivor.

Twenty one years later Max was roaming the streets.

Recently a police officer discovered him sleeping in a car in an Ogden salvage yard.

Was the rollover accident the trigger that set off a series of a events that led to Max pushing a shopping trolley with all his earthly belongings for over two decades? Was Max, burdened by grief, continuously visiting the crash site?

Max is said to have roamed the area between Salt Lake City and Ogden, the scene of the crash - and that‘s where fortune later found him.

We wish him much happiness.

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

2012 Olympic torch falls on Brockley

The 2012 Olympic torch has been unveiled by that creative London design team Edward Barber and Jay Osgerby. But was the inspiration for the 'flame' really an upside-down building? TheBigRetort remarkable expose...

It may come as a shock to the eventual Olympic torchbearer, but as he or she pounds through the streets of London, a rather tall building may cast a shadow over the 2012 event… the Shard.

Shock! Horror! Oh no! What can they mean?

We mean that the flame of the original idea may have kindled out of the minds of Barber and Osgerby as they stared out of their back window - and upside down - in Brockley.

Libellous speculation we grant, but we are neighbours and have also hung out of our back window - and seen it upside down. (Admittedly though this was after a heavy party.)

Whatever... we feel certain that this dynamic and innovative duo is going to light up the whole of London - from 2012, and beyond.

Monday, June 06, 2011


Pakistani leaders have protested that the country's sovereignty has been violated by the US following a series of drone strikes that have left 17 militants killed in the country's northwest tribal region.

All of Monday's strikes were in South Waziristan, near the Afghan border.
The attacks display to militants and the Pakistani government that President Barak Obama will not hold back when it comes to tracking down the enemy in a capture or kill policy that is more about the killing.

'Wanted dead, that's the policy at the Whitehouse now,' a Washington insider informed TheBigRetort.


The former head of the International Monetary Fund, Dominique Strauss-Khan, is due to appear in a New York court for his arraignment, and has insisted he is innocent of the charges

Defence team member claims evidence undermines procecution.

William W Taylor, on behalf of Mr Straus-Kahn, has written that there is evidence to "gravely undermine the credibility of the complainant in this case".

Mr Strauss-Kahn faces charges of sexual assault and attempting to rape a hotel maid last month.

It will be his first appearance in court since he was released on bail set at $6m (£3.65m).

Al-Qaida, antimatter weapons and the positron bomb

An international team at the CERN institute in Switzerland has managed to create 300 atoms of "anti-hydrogen" and stop them from collapsing into oblivion for a grand total of almost 17 minutes. Five thousand times longer than they had previously achieved. The research, published in the journal Nature Physics, represents a landmark in one of the most potentially profound areas of science. However, it also awakens  the spectre of an antimatter weapon so destructive that it may herald the end of every living creature on the planet. Be that as it may… TheBigRetort

Is an antimatter weapon a giant leap closer for humanity? Antimatter was created in the laboratory for the first time last November. Long the preserve of science fiction writers, in Dan Brown’s bestseller Angels & Demons a tiny device with the destructive power of a nuclear warhead hinges on a plot to blow up the Vatican, it has often been dismissed as alarmist by the scientific community.  That was until we happened to take a look at the 'What Ifs' out there.

The antimatter bomb of science fiction brings with it hysterical concerns that the long-term potentials of such a weapon are being downplayed in order to preserve a devastating and deadly secret: that scientists can now build a positron bomb.

CERN scientists claimed today that it is feasible to maintain the atoms for as long as a couple of hours in suspension. The atoms are the opposite of normal atoms, consisting of negatively-charged protons and positively-charged electrons. If they come into contact with normal atoms they are mutually annihilated.

Howver, the technology needed to contain antimatter in sufficient quantities for it to be a useful weapon has always stood in the way of a such a device being used as a powerful weapon and is deemed unlikely in the lifetime of our soalr system. However, in theory, the advantage of such a weapon is that antimatter and matter collisions would convert a larger fraction of the weapon's mass into explosive energy than that of a fusion reaction in a hydrogen bomb say.

I am become death the destroyer.

“A positron weapon would leave behind no nuclear residue, and would be devastating if it fell into the hands of terrorists,“ one particle physicist informed us. He asked not to be named. “The problem has always been the ability to store positrons for long periods of time, a significant technical and scientific difficulty."

But that was then... What now?”

Apparently, with the recent news that CERN has managed to contain antimatter for 16 minutes, having previously claimed that there was ‘no possibility’ to manufacture antimatter bombs due to not being able to accumulate enough of it at high enough density, concerns are being raised.

Should science continue further? 

It is believed by some that scientists, not just at CERN, are secretly working to find a more efficient means of storing the antimatter and releasing its energy - thereby creating an antimatter weapon of devastating force.

Or so it is claimed in conspiracy circles...

Scientists at CERN scoff at such allegations. All the antimatter made at CERN, if annihilated with matter, would only have enough energy to light a single electric light bulb for a few minutes they claim.

But what if scientists at CERN, like those scientists who worked on the atomic bomb, wanted to keep a devestating secret? 
What we think we know…

The only ‘known’ technologies for producing antimatter currently is the particle accelerator which are considered to be highly inefficient and expensive. In fact, it is publicly claimed that it will take two billions of years to make an equivalent of the current typical hydrogen bomb at the current production rate of antimatter. But now that CERN scientists have upped the ‘anti’ what then?

Unfortunately the additional problem is the containment of antimatter. Antimatter annihilates with regular matter on contact, so it would be necessary to prevent contact, for example by producing antimatter in the form of solid charged or magnetized particles, and suspending them in a near perfect vacuum. Enter CERN and its super collider where particles are regularly smashed together at enormous speeds. The process is very slow and enormously time-consuming making the production of a weapon that could tear the earth apart - could it?- as extremely unlikely.

But what of space ‘out there’ our 'deepthroat' physicist asks. “Outer space is a gigantic super-conducting super-collider, a near-perfect- vacuum, that has been working for billions of years with all sorts of exotic materials.” 

Perhaps though al-Qaida may not have to wait such a very long to time or go so far before it gets its hands on such a weapon. TheBigRetort can reveal that a recent Patent that we uncovered suggests that the clock is ticking on the creation of  antimatter bomb. It follows research into the production of thermal antineutrons and antiprotons.

Because we believe it should be classified, and has slipped through the security net, we have removed the author' details. The patent is for a method for obtaining free thermal antineutrons by ‘trapping the neutrons' and producing 'antiprotons‘. The background of the invention claims priority to previous applications dating back to 2004, and to which we have also declined to publish further detail. The invention disclosure relates to ‘a new method for the direct production of thermal antineutrons and thermal antiprotons from thermal neutrons‘.

In terrorists' hands?

The theory predicts that a neutron that is cold enough to be contained by the interior walls of a suitable vessel may oscillate into an antineutron ‘without violating any quantum conservation laws‘. The applicants demonstrate that the art in this disclosure represents the first reduction of neutron-antineutron oscillation theory into practice. And if it fell into terrorists' hands it would spell the end for us all.

In the previous disclosure, the applicants referenced neutron-antineutron oscillation only as ‘a theoretical possibility‘.  In other words, once the a population of neutrinos is trapped, approximately 50% exists in the antineutron state at any subsequent time.

But what if the theory became fact?

The patent goes on to state... The resultant beta decay radiation has a characteristic half-life of 10.25 minutes as the previous patent disclosure demonstrates. The trapped antineutrons decay by positron decay. Positrons are electrons with a positive electrical charge; in other words anti-electrons.

Positrons are distinguishable from beta particles because they will annihilate with electrons. In fact, the applicants' research demonstrates that these annihilation energy emissions exhibit a 10.25-minute decay half-life. This is the same half-life as the trapped neutrons demonstrated in the previous disclosure. The accepted half-life of a free neutron is 10.25 minutes. Antineutrons, presumably, also have a 10.25-minute half-life. In words put simple… one manifestation of this invention is a process that easily and economically converts free thermal neutrons into free thermal antineutrons. These antineutrons may decay to positrons, antiprotons, and neutrinos. The antiprotons thus produced have low thermal energy. A method that is described as ’new art‘ by the inventors. They add, “The ability of neutrons to undergo this conversion is a heretofore-undemonstrated prediction of theoretical physics. “

If the trapping of the antineutrons is ‘new art‘ then the ‘current art‘ permits collection and storage of thermal neutrons but not the trapping and storage of antineutrons. Now this has suddenlly changed...

Another manifestation of the invention is what the scientists describe as ‘fullerene containing a trapped antiproton‘. The possibility that neutrons may oscillate into antineutrons is a prediction of grand unification models in gauge field theories. As long as the electrostatic charge of a neutron is identically zero, this oscillation violates no quantum conservation law. It does violate one experimental "law," the conservation of baryon number. However there is no theoretical basis for this "law." And no published peer-reviewed observations violate it.

The deep energy well

The scientific paper goes on to reveal that a ‘deep energy well’ exists at the centre of this  fullerene molecule. Following a complicated process, to our thinking at least, the patent applicants' believe this same mechanism traps simple hydrogen, and tritium in the centre of fullerene molecules. Like neutrons, they are all electro-statically neutral and they all have magnetic fields. “The applicants are unaware of any other art that can produce a uniform beam of high-energy neutrons and antineutrons.”

A ’deep energy well‘… what can this mean?

Is it actually now possible to form a beam of fullerene molecules containing trapped neutrons and antineutrons in a particle accelerator, such as that used at CERN? Once the accelerator forms the beam, it can ‘direct the beam ‘- into a cataclysmic power.

Antiprotons provide a variety of propulsion options for vehicles as diverse as submarines, aircraft, and spacecraft and so have positive contributions to make beyond weaponry. The potential power or thrust per pound is literally many orders of magnitude greater than current art chemical propellants and even current art nuclear propulsion technology can deliver. But, and this should not be understated, a uniform beam of neutrons and antineutrons at energies above those available in natural nuclear reactions can now be turned into a weapon of true ‘mass’ destruction.

TheBigRetort, having uncovered this shocking paper, hopes that the patent is removed - immediately.
[Editor nore. Due to the sensitive nature of this information we have not provided full details in this article.]

Germany Sprouts Ecoli: Nein not Sicks

German diners may be both relieved and concerned that the recent E.coli outbreak may have been narrowed down to a single suspect - sprouts. TheBigRetort asks, were the warning bells ringing a decade prior to the recent outbreak?

If German sprouts do turn out to be the culprit responsible for 22 deaths (and climbing) German health watchdogs, may find it prudent to further examine a scientific paper that presaged such an event - over a decade ago.

The paper, which was published in January 1998 and was researched by a number of Japanese scientists, the National Institute of Infectious Diseases amongst them.

The group, using cultivation, immunofluorescence microscopy, and scanning electron microscopy, demonstrated the presence of viable enterohemorrhagic Escherichia coli O157:H7 not only on the outer surfaces but also in the inner tissues and stomata of cotyledons of radish sprouts grown from seeds experimentally and contaminated with the bacterium.

HgCl2 treatment of the outer surface of the hypocotyl did not kill the contaminating bacteria. Recommendation emphasized the importance of either using seeds free from E. coli O157:H7 in the production of radish sprouts 'or heating the sprouts before they are eaten'.

In other words... cook it hot.  Or, in the German vernacular, 'nein' not 'sicks'.

Sunday, June 05, 2011


Have we been subjected to the S-factor? With reports in the Daily Mail that Cheryl Cole has been invited back on board X-Factor USA one wonders if the whole thingy was a complete set-up - masterminded by non other than that Svengali of the Tabs Lord Cowall of Hollywood.

One can but wonder how the sheeple out there fall for Simon Cowell's shenanigins.

But my how that angst-ridden look that Cheryl Cole seems to have perfected this week really hacks us off.

Is this the same woman who subjected wannabe hopefuls in Britain to her ‘professional’ judgement on that dreadful show that deserves no further mention?  We mean... the X Factor. (Break that one down like this, X-F-Actor, and add the seven missing  letters accordingly to the "F".)

There is nothing worse than a young woman, now a multimillionaire, beautiful yes, and spoon-fed success too, collapsing at the first signs of personal failure.

Don’t have her back Simon!

TheBigRetort: Failure is good. Success sucks.


My how the sands of time 'flies' for dictators. It was after all only two years ago that Muammar Gaddafi, marking the 40th anniversary of the revolution which brought him to power, three weeks later addressed the 64th United Nations General Assembly at the UN headquarters in New York. TheBigRetort...

Since the world body was founded in 1945, the Libyan dictator opined, it had ‘failed’ to prevent or intervene in dozens of wars around the world. "It should not be called the Security Council, it should be called the "terror council," he said.

He claimed that sixty-five ‘aggressive wars’ had taken place without any collective action by the United Nations to prevent them...

Now, with the writing on the walls of his Bedouin tent, and intervention in his own internecine war growing daily, he must rue those words.

Failure this time around the UN terror council tells him, is not an option.

Friday, June 03, 2011

Lotte Mullan: Blogger or Blagger?

It was recently reported in newspapers across the UK that a 26-year-old wannabe pop star turned vengeful blogger has won a book publishing and film deal that could net her personally more than £1 million. TheBigRetort investigates Lotte Mullan: Blogger or Blagger?

Lotte Mullan was recently catapulted to national fame with the news that, whilst working three days a week for Warner Bros Records, she wrote a series of seething blog entries that threaten to lift the lid on the industry’s wrongdoings.

Mullan paints a negative picture of the people with whom she came into contact.

Sweaty 'hugs'  in the form of tit lunges by lecherous music execs lie amongst some of the claims. (Always go for their butts in our office.) 

Failing to recognise her own vocal and musical talents, these powerful victims fall prey to her vengeful fingertips.

The story is to be published via a top London literary agent and is also to be made into a comedy feature film.

Lotte Mullan’s musings are said to have caught the attention of literary agent Julian Alexander of the Law agency. Jules apparently read the blogs, loved what he saw, and then quickly ‘signed’ the fledgling author - thereby catapulting her to Sex in the Ditty fame.

Curiously the company’s website does not list Mullan amongst its stable of writers.  (Odd that.)

However, producer/writer Nick Moorcroft (St Trinian’s 1 & 2, Burke & Hare fame) described the forthcoming comedy drama as 'The Devil Wears Prada' meets 'Bridget Jones Diary' set in the British and American music industry. With both the book and film scheduled for release in 2012,

Or so it is claimed..

TheBigRetort asks ('cos no-one else has?), is it more blag than blog?

A film usually begins with that idea that begat the treatment that begat the screenplay that begat... Well, it’s like attempting to follow those family trees in Genesis (the Old Testament not the pop group), it’s a very, very, very long process. At the end of which, if the Red Sea finally parts, fame and fortune usually awaits.

Only it's the real world, and it is not always like that.

So we asked Mullan a series of questions, the answers to which may have assisted us greatly in clearing up some of those notes that were slightly, erm, off key.

The questions we put to Ms Mullan, a known serial self-publicist:

What dates were you at the organisations the blog is about. Where were you living at this time. (We wanted to publish a photo.) What period are the blog dates covering. Who is publishing the book, and what is the publication date. Who is producing and directing the film, starring in it, and what is its budget/release date.

Additionally, no background details could be found in the name "Lotte Mullan". We wondered if this was a stage name.

Unfortunately, having forwarded promotional material for her forthcoming tour (which we did not ask for?) Mullan - a self-publicist if ever - seemed remarkably shy in providing the answers. (She was born Lotte Allerhand in Norwich in 1984. "Mullan" is her mother‘s maiden surname.)

We received this curious, some might say rather telling and evasive, response: "I’ve given an exclusive to a publication with all these details so I’m not able to answer those for you just yet."

It was, amongst other things, the film's release date that we found curious actually ... that and the remarkable lack of information on the book and film 'deal' itself. This is what makes Mullan’s ‘rage‘-to-riches deal so, dare we say it, well, unconvincing. (There, said it.)

However, preproduction on some films can take from 3-6 months. This is then followed by filming which can take 2 months (for a quickie) or more depending on locations, etc. So, it’s a wrap!

Well, not quite...The post production phase commences, and the editing and scoring can take longer than the film itself, six months of spit and polish actually. 2012 seemed rather over-optimistic for the film's release... a fact that was not picked up by other reporters, who simply ran with the lines Lotte and her agent fed.

But… cut! cut! cut! There isn’t even a screenplay yet just a series of blog entries? As the esteemed former BBC producer Tony Dennis might attest (he of Band of Gold fame, etc), the endless rewrites of a screenplay can take much longer. If the project is given the green light - and that’s a big Hollywood -‘IF‘- drafts of Mullan's blog may take some spit and polish before morphing into a fully-fledged feature.

The guitar may need a bit of fine tuning...  but was the novel/movie truly ‘firmed up’ - before it was fed to the national media? Or does Lotte, no stranger to publicity - her own - simply need some free air time for any forthcoming gigs? (She's moved on from schools now.) If so, and neither book nor film transpires, then Mullan really blagged the nationals. No doubt she will go on to charm those sell-out audiences.

And that is worth a lotta-lotta millions in our book.

[Editor's note. Lotte Mullan is soon to go on tour... we feel sure she'll tell you where and when.]