New law on selfish parking

A NEW LAW WHICH HAS LAIN UNDISCOVERED FOR YEARS CAN NOW BE USED AS THE LATEST TOOL IN THE FIGHT AGAINST SELFISH PARKING... thanks to TheBigRetort.

Many London drivers may not realise it but since September 2004 the London Local Authorities and Transport for London Act has enabled local authorities to issue Penalty Charge Notices (PCNs) to cars parked unlawfully across driveways.

TheBigRetort calls it SimplySelfishParking. And yes, as Bill said to Monica, it's a mouthful...

But the new law looks set to bring much-needed respite to beleaguered driveway 'barons'.

London based councils' also look set to expand their coffers by £££s with dropped kerb penalties (DKPs) as part of their stealth-tax portfolio$.

Be that as it may, when TheBigRetort found its driveway blocked, we quoted the law to the law - and those boys in blue serge didn't even realise it existed.

In fact, when TheBigRetort initially reported a naughty parker (NP) to the Yard an armed response unit failed to turn up, claiming that there were 'more important' crimes taking place in London. Apparently a blocked driveway is 'low on the list' of the Met's MOST WANTED - way below a blocked drain, which seemed a bit fishy to us - so we were forced to delve deeper.

So deep that we discovered a place called Australia and a little publicised change to the parking laws.

What TheBigRetort found looks set to change life in London as we know it.

In the words of the Met's Commissioner herself...

'Following on from information obtained from that leading investigative group TheBigRetort, Met officers reacted swiftly and decisively in bringing this unfortunate matter to a satisfactory conclusion. May I also take the opportunity in adding... my men do a difficult job under difficult circumstances.'

Who cares how the blurb reads... its £££s for the council, respite for us, and time out for selfish Johnny Rotten.

So be advised.... a yellow line is no longer needed in order to issue a Penalty Charge Notice to a vehicle parked unlawfully across a driveway.

And be further advised... The new law applies regardless of whether a car is blocked on or off it.

Action is only taken against vehicles parked across a driveway if the owner of the property requests it. This is done so that the owner's car, or one s/he allows to park across it, is not wrongly fined. So be nice to your neighbour with the driveway.

And the retort TheBigRetort recently received from its 'neighbour' when police contacted her for blocking our car on the driveway...? 'That was a very un-neighbourly thing to do!'

Like we said, simply selfish.

In fact old Sherlock of the Yard made certain Moriarty moved the offending carriage PDQ. And the perpetrator escaped without a fine this time.

Good god, Holmes, how does TheBigRetort do it!

Elementary, my dear Watson.