13 August 2011

London riots: Alcohol to blame?

A curious incident is said to have occurred during the Lewisham riots that may keep Government experts pondering for quite some time... the sale of alcohol. TheBigRetort exclusive...

The place: Brockley Cross, London SE4
The time: Just the other day actually

Durng the riots, a shopkeeper was unsurprised when he saw a young guy saunter in, lean down, and then pick up a four-pack of beer.

However, it  was what his 'usually friendly' and 'long time' customer then went on to say that left him totally 'stunned'.

"I'm taking these!"

"Oh," the shopkeeper responded with a smile as the guy headed for the door without paying, "do you want to open a tab?"

The young man looked back, paused for a minute, and then delivered his anarchic coup de guerre: "No. I'm taking them!  And there's nothing you can do about it!"

And with that he was gone.

 "The silly thing is he's been coming into my shop for years! And he'll be back!" the bemused shopkeeper opined.

10 August 2011

London Riots: More Smash-N-Grab

The riots in London and which also sporadically erupted around the country we now know had little if anything to do with politics or poverty. They were pre-Christmas smash-and-grab raids. 

Wondering into Lewisham shopping centre yesterday to offer our services towards the clean-up campaign we were surprised however to discover little in the way of the apocalyptic damage that was transmitted around the world over the previous evening’s news. The images that were recorded of Lewisham, usually from helicopters overhead, offered a zoom-lens view of the ‘riots’ as they happened - and a distorted one if ever.

In what were actually endless loop shots of the same events--buildings in flames, cars, and streets, ablaze-- this was (apparently) “Lewisham Burning“, and with it the end of life as we knew it.

Presented by this distant media the whole fabric of society had come apart like the seams on a badly fitting tuxedo. An apt description, the mobs seemed intent on bagging either a new pair of trainers, a tracksuit, or a mobile phone - and only the tuxedos were left on the racks. People were rightly cowering in fear... And the future Sarah Connor was set.

Be that as it may…

Remember that scene in Die Hard 4.0 where Bruce Willis is watching television in the streets showing the destruction of the Capitol building - only later to discover that it is really still standing? So too was Lewisham town centre…

We wandered the shopping area intent on searching out the 'aftermath' - and found very little sign of it. Blackheath Furniture & Electrical, Game, McDonalds, and a few more businesses with broken windows were the 'few' that greeted us. Other shops had been boarded up, but if this was due to the ’riot’ or to protect them from further damage is anyone's guess.

One thing was apparent… the mob had been somewhat selective...

The buildings chosen were not always 'establishment chains’ - as in the case of Blackheath Furniture - but the common factor was that they did sell electronic goods. Only McDonalds and Boots stood out as oddities. Perhaps the pre-and-teenage mob (the P&Ts) was hungry after its shopping spree and in need of medication to continue to the next beleaguered town centre and so could not finish its work. Perhaps it was due to police intervention.  

According to online forum and neighbourhood blog Brockley Central, (brockleycentral.blogspot.com) the lack of devastation was due to the council and its teams working through the night to turn the damage visited by this zombie tribe away from Lewisham town centre and towards others,  a policy apparently commenced by the police service itself which stood shoulder-to-shoulder to defend the walls of the citadel.

But on closer examination are things quite as they seem?

It was the aftermath of what was essentially a pre-Christmas shopping spree by a generation of feral youths. the ages of the perpetrators for the most part are said to reach from the nines into the teens. Is it any wonder that it is this age group that has very little to fear from the strong arm of the law that 'failed' to defend the streets?

This zombie army is usually (and has been for some time now, say two generations) untouched by the law and the regulatory parenting on which much of society is thankfully formed. Instead, revealing a liberal view on parenting gone awry, shops, nurseries, water sports centres (Southwark), libraries - everything but the mosques and Turkish restaurants--were closed down. This action followed the advice of a police service handcuffed and harangued by the present government on many levels and  largely employed to ensure that honest citizens may go about their day-to-day business 'freely'. It was not to be.

In fact, ironically, the only persons making 'honest' money that day were the police - and an overtime bill that will pay off many police  mortgages was due to (unstoppable) crime. And on 9/8 - a day that will go down in infamy.

The uncivil liberties taken by the few outweigh those of the many. Now, a few feral children, who should have been 'cuffed' a long time ago if not that night, have awoken our society - and for the better. But for the honest men and women who were so bowed by these events that they reacted by shutting up shop and bolting themselves into homes and buildings that had been turned into their prisons it would be mistaken for a sick joke.

But: close up shop at 1pm - why, we hear you ask.

UK Plc is in enough trouble and nearly on its knees.  Apparently it seems to have been the residents in Eltham who stood alongside each other in white T-shirts seeing off the braying babes and thereby displaying the might of the Big Society. That's the right to bare your arms in the streets, Prime Minister.

Back in Lewisham most of the shops had followed police “advice” and at 1pm exactly had closed up and boarded their windows against the oncoming ‘zombie yoof’.

The fishmonger in Lewisham was very annoyed. He was going to lose most of the day’s trade. He confided that he could not take many knocks like that in the current economic climate. However, police job done, it must be said, the oxygen of the economy had been cut off from the infected Zombie Yoof and it returned to its dark pit awaiting the full shelves of another day rather than a new moon under which to croon.

As we wondered home to the leafy conservation area of Brockley, towing a bag of fish and muscles for the evening meal and for which we paid plenty, it was not a sign of devastation that greeted us that day: but total capitulation.

Londoners, having fought off the air raids of a Nazi enemy some seventy years earlier--on the advice of what was once a mighty police ‘force’-- had given in to a marauding and rabid bunch of foetuses. Forget a virus insidiously turning ordinary folk into raving lunatics, the virus is amongst us and we are already infected. It's called government; and it has turned the streets over to the hooded zombies. But it should be noted that this capitulation of our streets and shops was not itself a total eclipse.

At Brockley Cross a few die-hards, those who felt they were beyond approach (or threat perhaps?) stayed open; Tickle Me Take-away; Nats Bake, the Brockley Barge pub, Costcutter, and, thankfully--in our case at least--the Orchard Bar & Kitchen in Harefield Road.

The latter had a surreal air about it as we sauntered past later with the dog. It was as if it was one of few buildings left standing (open) in post apocalyptic Lewisham. Almost like the last chance saloon, people sat inside-and-out oblivious to the police sirens, which are quite usual for an area with the largest police station in Europe, and the helicopters, which are not. The patrons, Guardianistas perhaps, were sipping beers and wines and seemingly enjoying themselves as they tucked into the cuisine - without a care in the world.

It was of course both a welcome and illusory sight...

This was after all Lewisham post 9/8. The Night of the Foetuses was their Dunkirk and the patrons we understand were meeting this young anarchic enemy at the beer pump, if not the beaches.

Police warning aside, this courageous stand was much to do with the owner Edmund. ”Ed“ who obviously listened to police advice, promptly ignored it. It was after all only the “opinion“ of a police service that was once a "force" and would itself earn quite a crust that day, whilst keeping its long arms quietly folded. An action for which Ed and many a taxpayer will surely meet the cost. And yet Ed, with a remarkable resemblance to Tom Cruise in War of the Worlds, made his stand that day; together with a few other stalwarts. This is a courage that will be recognised long after the little enemy has retired to its cot nappy sopping wet after a day at the windows. Where were you they may one day ask each other.

This “scum”, as they were repeatedly labelled on southeast London online forum Brockley Central, would eventually get its just 'rewards'. Most of the BC participants, a few them regulars, had little doubt what should be done with the feral perpetrators. One Lou Baker said., “Let the dogs on these pathetic little chavs.” Whilst Anonymous one of many) said, “Scum of thee (sic) earth!” Ken said, “Lewisham High street is a complete no go area - AVOID AT ALL COSTS - cars are on fire and the place looks like a zombie apocalypse.” More to the point, Elsa said, “The youth of the Middle East rose up for democracy. The youth of London rise up for Nike trainers, flat screen TVs and mobile phones.”

Lou Baker, who apparently lives on a nearby mount displayed an apparent and customary lack of diplomacy and added later: “These chavs must be stopped. Let's shoot them.” It was not meant as a joke. The “chavs” and “scum”, captured in the stocks of a southeast London online forum, will, when captured, be summarily executed. [Founded by Nick Barron of Edelman, Brockley Central claimed 16,000 hits that day, some from overseas parents concerned about their children at Goldsmiths College.]

Only… in the civilised world this will not happen and the process of asking what went wrong will take place. The past of course will be dug up and previous governments will be blamed. However, the warning signs have long been buried… and in classrooms around the nation old canes might just be taken out of teachers’ closets, dusted down, and make a familiar swishing sound known only to a few.

"Shame," we hear someone in nearby Telegraph Hill say, “Just shoot them!” But that’s just one of a growing band of Lous out there.




15 July 2011

EuroMillions: winners unmasked

Colin and Chris Weir of Largs in Ayrshire have been named as the couple who scooped the £161m on the EuroMillions jackpot this week.


The pair have been married for 30 years..

The winning numbers were 17, 19, 38, 42 and 45, and the lucky stars were 9 and 10.

The record haul will put them in 430th place on the Sunday Times Rich List.
 
Och Aye the you!

09 July 2011

New of the World Brooks Covertly Recorded: transcript

TheBigRetort has obtained a transcript of News International chief executive Rebekah Brooks informing News Of The World staff of her ‘arrogance’. Taken from a secret recording by a member of Ms Brooks’ staff, the (edited) transcript also includes the explosive admission that more revelations are 'on the way':


Rebekah Brooks:

... and I remember the team spirit of the paper where you all, who were there came alongside me and we fought for something we believed in, and I remember when we saw all the news headlines that came in the next day - we were rubbished everywhere and there was an opinion poll that said ‘97% of the British public agree with you‘.

And we were like ‘right, here we are, we're up and running‘. And so I feel very strongly exactly the same as you, and that's why I said "mounting anger". And you know, I'm not saying- you know, this is not exactly the best time in my life, but I'm determined to get vindication for this paper. And for people like you.

Unknown staff member:

Will the paper come out again once you've got vindication for it? What I don't understand is, can't you see that by your actions yesterday (Thursday), you're calling our newspaper toxic, right? We're all contaminated by that toxicity, by the way we've been treated. But can't you see the bigger picture? You're making the whole of News International toxic, and the arrogance there that you think we would want to work here again.
[Applause]

Mrs Brooks:

You know what there's not an arrogance about wanting you to work for us again at all and I'm sorry that came across. All I meant was that if any of you did want to, that I was going to try and find opportunities, but please believe me, there's no arrogance coming from this standpoint.

On your point about - you know, you said will the paper come out again? We have a belief in journalism, we have invested in journalism throughout our history. Yes we're in a very bad moment, but we will continue to invest in journalism. And we haven't made a decision on any new publications, or strengthening or expanding existing ones yet.

It's too soon, we just don't know what to do. But in those circumstances - I don't see there's any of you in this room here looking at me now - that we wouldn't want to work because we know there's no toxicity attached to you guys in the room and that's the sadness.

It wouldn't be sad, we wouldn't all be feeling like this if you guys were up to your neck in it like previous colleagues. We wouldn't be feeling like this would we?

[Applause in response].

Mrs Brooks stated that she was a ‘working journalist‘ who had been employed at the paper ‘since I was 19 years old‘.

Brooks added: You are trying to say to me that because an allegation came in that we do not know if it is true, you think I should resign? If you think this is a bundle of laughs trying to fight and get this company's reputation back, it isn't.

I see what she saw now

Mrs Brooks stated that the senior staff ‘have more visibility perhaps with what we can see coming than you guys‘.

I am tied by the criminal investigation but I think in a year's time, every single one of you in this room might come up and say ‘I see what she saw now‘.

Mrs Brooks:

Eventually it will come out why things went wrong and who was responsible and that will be another very difficult moment in this company's history.

Brooks went on to claim that she was sorry that people the paper trusted had ‘let us down, and that's the case‘.

On a point of her resignation, she added:

If being betrayed is a resignation issue maybe I should, but I think I am much more useful leading the company through this.

End (edited) transcript.







08 July 2011

News of the World: Police bribery claims decades old

The current debacle surrounding Rupert Murdoch and his New of the World team of hacks has the feeling of deja vu about it.  Readers interested in glancing back in time need to leap back two decades.

In 1999 a NotW reporter was arrested for bribing a police officer and for conspiracy.

Later, in 2000, News of the World reporter Neville Thurlbeck faced trial on a charge of offering a police officer a "gift" for obtaining information.

Det Con Farmer, who worked for Hertfordshire Police but was seconded to the National Criminal Intelligence Service (NCIS) at the time of the alleged offences, and Mr Thurlbeck both pleaded not guilty.

The prosecution had alleged that Mr Thurlbeck, 38, paid Det Con Farmer to supply information on people whose details were kept on a confidential police computer.

Jurors were told Det Con Farmer, 53, made scores of police computer checks on people's criminal records for Mr Thurlbeck.

At Luton Crown Court, Mr Justice McKinnon directed the jury to acquit Mr Thurlbeck and his co-accused Det Con Farmer, after hearing the prosecution evidence. He said there was not enough evidence for the jury to be sure Det Con Farmer supplied information to Mr Thurlbeck for reward. Both the accused were cleared of conspiracy to corrupt and there was no case for either to answer.

07 July 2011

Rupert Murdoch's phone hacked - revelation.

Following in the wake of the News of the World phone hacking scandal, TheBigRetort does the dirty - and hacks Rupert Murdoch's mobile.

Murdoch: Hello... Rupert Murdoch speaking, how can I help you?

Chief Hacker: Mr Murdoch sir this is Chief Hacker calling from London.

Murdoch: Holey doley, mate, you’re interrupting my Barbie. Hope this is good - I‘ve got journos around me like bities.

Chief hacker: It’s come on top, Mr M. It's time to bail out.

Murdoch: (choking on his Four X) No way. I’m a battler!

Chief hacker: It’s a done deal... straight from the Met Commissioner's phone..

Murdoch (sighing): I blame that Milliband

Chief hacker: which one?

Murdoch: The banana bender.

Chief hacker: Ed?

Murdoch: That wog should mind his own bizzo! He‘s a kangaroos loose in the top paddock that one!

Chief hacker: Wanna turn him over?

Murdoch:: No! No! No! On no account are you to hack anymore? He‘s not the full quid that one. Talks through his left nostril. (Pause, followed by heavy sigh.) What about arranging a little bingle?

Chief hacker: Err… I don’t do motor vehicle accidents.

Rupert: Why?

Chief hacker: Err... I’m just a hack. Pond life.

Murdoch: Bloody oath, mate! Don’t I know it. Don’t mean to big-note but I made that paper what it is.

Chief hacker: Best not admit to that… in court I mean.

Murdoch: Strewth mate. Think it’ll come to that?  All sounds a bit pig‘s arse to me. I was within cooee of controlling the news of the whole world. Of course I’ll get the knock back on Bsky- that’ll cost big bikkies - and now…. One minute drinking with the flies… now I’m not worth a zack. Did I tell you that I‘d met the Queen - now I couldn’t even get a job at Maccas. There’s nothing for it, I’ll have to Billabong it. Go straight off the coat hanger, that‘ll show ‘em who‘s boss. That’s what I’m gonna do.

Chief hacker: Well before you do a Maxwell… you should know that it was Cameron… in with that big mouth what finally done it. You know he has Botox injections?

Murdoch: Stops him sweating. [Laughs ironically.] We kept that one quiet for that regular wowser. Don’t make me liquid laugh! Thought that pommie bastard was a cobber but he dobbed me in - the bludger! He’s a boomer, in with this paper and out with that, then back in again. And now… make one little blue and see how they treat yeh!

Chief Hacker: Sorry, Mr M… got to go. I’ve got an interview… at the Mail.

Murdoch: That’d be right.. Go on then, hack off hairy legs! Heaps mate, no dramas, I’m rooted anyway. I’m moving beyond the black stump to me rellies.. Probably take a few roadies with me. Hooroo

Chief hacker: Mr M, what would you like to do with the last edition?

Murdoch (a threatening pause): Give all those tall poppies an Ausie salute from me, will yeh mate!

Tape ends...

Coming this Sunday in the News of the World: ‘The Queen’s secret lover’ ‘Cameron does Botox’ ‘Milliband in porn shock’

New of the World Axed: last edition this Sunday.

News just in...

Readers of The New of the World are said to be 'shocked' following recent plans to axe the newspaper following in the wake of its phone hacking scandal. James Murdoch, son of the paper's owner Rupert Murdoch, has announced that this Sunday's edition will be the paper's last.

It was reported to Yahoo! News by a News of the World journalist that James Murdoch broke the news to staff this afternoon. Many journalists are said to be distraught and phoning their families.

In a statement James Murdoch said: "Having consulted senior colleagues, I have decided that we must take further decisive action with respect to the paper. This Sunday will be the last issue of the News of the World. We will run no commercial advertisements this weekend. Any advertising space in this last edition will be donated to causes and charities that wish to expose their good works to our millions of readers."

Ed Miliband, leader of the Labour party, remains adamant that News International Chief Executive Rebekah Brooks should lose her job. "Closing down the News of the World does not solve the problem" he told BBC News.

Rupert Murdoch is refusing to comment.

The BBC has reported that the URLs TheSunOnSunday.co.uk and TheSunOnSunday.com were registered two days ago by an unknown company.

01 July 2011

Strauss-Kahn back in court amidst dropped charges leak - DA sex crimes unit jumps ship


The district attorney who handled the Dominique Straus Kahn sex trial may have ‘jumped before she was pushed,’ according to a well place source within the sex crimes unit.

The district attorney’s office formerly declined to comment on the matter, save to say that the former DA, Lisa Friel, now plans ‘to explore other professional opportunities outside the office.’

Mr. Strauss-Kahn remains on bail after being charged with the attempted rape of a hotel housekeeper and also forcing her to perform oral sex. He has always maintained his innocence.

Mr Straus-Kahn is due in court today following doubts about the victim’s allegations.



Watch this space….

20 June 2011

Max Melitzer: homeless heir's tragic death crash

Recently a homeless man who wandered the streets of Utah pushing a shopping trolley was tracked down by a private detective. He had some money coming to him from an inheritance and didn’t know it. It was hoped the windfall would turn his life around. However good fortune did not always shine on Max Melitzer. TheBigRetort exclusive… it began with a rollover.

Penniless Max Melitzer may have inherited a fortune that many hope will allow him to turn his life around, however his has not always been a rags-to-riches fairy story: but a tragedy.

July 1990... It was a Tuesday afternoon...

A highway in Wyoming five miles east of Rock Springs.

The driver drifted off the road and overcorrected the vehicle, according to the Wyoming Highway Patrol.

Unfortunately all four passengers were not wearing seat belts and were ejected from the car as it did a rollover.

Cindy Lee Jones, 36, died on the way to the hospital, and Glen Chrietzderg, 36, also of Ogden, died later at the University of Utah Hospital.

Janice Melitzer's, 44, the driver’s wife, died in the crash.

The driver, Max Melitzer, then also aged 44, was taken to Sweetwater County Memorial Hospital where he remained in a stable condition. He was the sole survivor.

Twenty one years later Max was roaming the streets.

Recently a police officer discovered him sleeping in a car in an Ogden salvage yard.

Was the rollover accident the trigger that set off a series of a events that led to Max pushing a shopping trolley with all his earthly belongings for over two decades? Was Max, burdened by grief, continuously visiting the crash site?

Max is said to have roamed the area between Salt Lake City and Ogden, the scene of the crash - and that‘s where fortune later found him.

We wish him much happiness.














08 June 2011

2012 Olympic torch falls on Brockley


The 2012 Olympic torch has been unveiled by that creative London design team Edward Barber and Jay Osgerby. But was the inspiration for the 'flame' really an upside-down building? TheBigRetort remarkable expose...


It may come as a shock to the eventual Olympic torchbearer, but as he or she pounds through the streets of London, a rather tall building may cast a shadow over the 2012 event… the Shard.

Shock! Horror! Oh no! What can they mean?

We mean that the flame of the original idea may have kindled out of the minds of Barber and Osgerby as they stared out of their back window - and upside down - in Brockley.

Libellous speculation we grant, but we are neighbours and have also hung out of our back window - and seen it upside down. (Admittedly though this was after a heavy party.)

Whatever... we feel certain that this dynamic and innovative duo is going to light up the whole of London - from 2012, and beyond.

06 June 2011

Obama steps up the drones: Breaking news

Pakistani leaders have protested that the country's sovereignty has been violated by the US following a series of drone strikes that have left 17 militants killed in the country's northwest tribal region.


All of Monday's strikes were in South Waziristan, near the Afghan border.
The attacks display to militants and the Pakistani government that President Barak Obama will not hold back when it comes to tracking down the enemy in a capture or kill policy that is more about the killing.

'Wanted dead, that's the policy at the Whitehouse now,' a Washington insider informed TheBigRetort.

A Lingering Debt: The UK's Final Settlement of Slave Trade Compensation

In 1833, the British Empire abolished slavery, a landmark decision that marked the end of a cruel and inhumane practice. However, the legacy...